“I can’t do this without him,” Ronan admits, his voice as rough and as hoarse as rusted nails. “I can’t lose him, too.”
They don’t speak after that. Ronan breathes until it doesn’t hurt his lungs anymore, until he can’t feel new wetness sliding down his face, pooling underneath his chin. The ground is as cold and hard as ever.
It will still be there when Ronan returns. And Adam will still be alive.
If Ronan gives up hope, there’s no one left. Adam has been abandoned and cast aside by everyone else, but Ronan refuses to do the same. If there’s no one left to hope, then the grief has already begun. So Ronan will guard the candle flickering inside of his chest, and he will keep the light on.
Ronan will never give up on Adam. All the stars could burn out and disappear from the sky, and Ronan’s hope would flicker on.
Rare and sweet as cherry wine by perchancetosleep
I’m back with another fanfic inspired by a Hozier song. Although this is a completely different AU and a different author, I’m delighted at how they both sucked me into their worlds.
This is a Hunger Games AU with characters from Maggie Stiefvater’s The Raven Cycle books. There are no direct character matches to Katniss or Peeta, but the story is set in District 12. Adam, Gansey, Blue, and Ronan are friends, and all come from different backgrounds. Gansey is the politician’s son. Blue is the baker’s daughter. Ronan is the son of a deceased victor, and Adam is the starving, overworked son of an injured miner. This is their last year to qualify for the reaping, and the peacekeepers are cracking down on everyone as unrest spreads from district to district.
This fic explores the lives of the people living in District 12. It has almost nothing to do with the actual games, and far more to do with how the people living in Panem support each other through the long, cold winter and The Reaping in the spring.
Adam secretly gathers intel for Blue’s family, who runs 12’s resistance cell out of their bakery and apothecary. Adam became a member of the resistance as a way for him to repay Maura, Calla, and Persephone for literally saving him from starvation and exposure when his parents kicked him out. Adam makes money by trapping rabbits beyond the fence and selling them at the hob. He gathers herbs and plants for the apothecary and for Ronan’s greenhouse. He also collects information as part of his regular dealings. He has been told that if he does a good job, the resistance counterparts from District 13 will bring him home to them, essentially saving him from the increasingly dangerous reconnaissance work he is doing in District 12.
In this AU, Adam is still overworked and is pushing himself beyond his physical limits. He accepts the grueling conditions of his job in the mines repairing equipment there. And he grudgingly accepts small gifts from Blue’s family and emotional support from Ronan.
This is hard to read. Like Gale, Adam is whipped by the peacekeepers. At one point, someone begs him to just pass out already so they’ll stop hitting him. He survives time and time again, but, like Adam in The Raven Cycle, you want to scream at him to finally accept some help and to stop actively trying to drive himself into an early grave. Even though he saves his friends and fellow mine workers again and again, a part of his brain cannot fathom that he as a person is worth more than what can be measured in terms of value to the overall resistance.
When this fic was published, it updated about once every two weeks and I was completely hooked. The writing style is so gorgeous. I could envision every vista Adam saw as he searched the forest for food and herbs. The way the author describes how Adam would warm his chapped hands and bruised body by the bakery ovens provides such a clear and visceral description of the continued physical suffering he and the rest of the district’s citizens endure. I breathed an audible sigh of relief every time he allowed himself a small kindness, whether it be a hug from Ronan or a meal from the Fox way ladies. Nothing comes easy for Adam, but the small ways Ronan, Blue, and their extended family shows him that he is deserving not only of love. Over time he very gradually begins to believe that he deserves a life in which he can let down his guard, and fall asleep knowing he is safe, and warm, and doesn’t need to worry about where he will find his next meal.
If you are a fan of The Raven Cycle and the spinoff of The Dreamer Trilogy, I think you will enjoy this fic.