Are you a parent? If no, are you at least a human? Do you struggle with any of the following: housework, meal prep/planning/obtaining/cooking, laundry, the constant mental energy suck of parenting, daily hygiene? Is any of that a result of depression, ADHD, disability, life-is-a-marathon exhaustion, lack of support, having more to do than there are hours in the day? Do you feel: guilt, shame, anxiety, depression, shitty self-worth, like a failure? If you answered yes to any of those questions or anything similar, BUY THIS BOOK. It’s cheap, it’s fast, it’s life-altering.
I found KC Davis on TikTok and felt unsettlingly like she knew my secrets. The ones about how my life looks pretty together and a lot of people think I’m killing it, but I have literally ten loads of laundry in my basement hoping to get washed before they disintegrate. The one about how my life has been a cycle – always, kind of, but multiplied to the MOON since having children – of creating Systems to Keep Things in a Static State of Perfection Forever, feeling virtuous and acceptable, then having them disintegrate into shame and despondency when they don’t work or fall behind. Or the one where I feel like everyone else is better is better at this and my own failure is a huge, horrible secret. She has videos that reframe things – “care tasks” are cyclical, the trash gets emptied and then full and then emptied. Dishes get used and washed and used and washed. Rooms get messy and cleaned. Spaces are morally neutral. They exist to serve you, you do not exist to serve them. Every single one of her one minute videos could probably be the topic of a year’s worth of therapy sessions and it’ll take time to rewire my brain, but they’ve proven useful when I feel myself getting overwhelmed and guilty, and with time I hope they’ll carve a groove in my brain and become automatic. There is no doubt that my life would be better if they did.
The only thing about the book that was a drawback to me was its brevity, which I know is a feature, not a bug. The idea was that people who needed the book wouldn’t have the time or motivation to read long, involved chapters, so there are 31 and each are only a couple pages long. I get the reasoning. For me, it was so so SO useful that I would’ve absolutely made time to read a thousand page book, and I wanted more. For you, it may be the thing that makes the book accessible. If you want more, she has a website and is on TikTok as @domesticblisters, and if you’re like me, you’ll probably want to devour the content in all of these spots. I’m giving it a 4.5 just because I wish it had been longer, but rounding to a 5 because the content as a whole is entirely life-changing and packed with value.
I’m so glad you found her. I love her book and tik tok. If you are looking for something in a similar vein, but longer, you might try Rachel Hoffman’s UnF*ck Your Habitat. Several of us have reviewed it and generally liked it with some commentary (nothing works perfectly for anyone).
Wow this sounds so helpful and useful, I just ordered a copy for myself. A lot of what you wrote about rang so true for me as well. (I also emailed you about this review, so please check spam folders etc., thanks! )