And mine was reading this book.
Years and years ago, I saw I saw a copy of A Throne of Glass in a bookstore. I didn’t buy it then, but I remembered that I wanted to get it sometime, so I (foolishly) asked for the box set of the complete series a while ago. And then I discovered that this was the prequel . So I had to read this, before I could read A Throne of Glass, before I could see if I tolerated her writing enough to get through ACOTAR, (Because from reviews I’ve read, it’s going to be a potential slog to get through ACOTAR.) Well, I found out it may be a slog to get through A Throne of Glass. (And if you’re going to ask me why, if I didn’t like this book I would even think of reading the series, it’s because I have this really bad habit I need to break of justifying that if I bought a book I should read it so as to not waste the money I could have spent on a far more enjoyable book. I really need to get over that.)
So let’s go through each “novella” and my (disjointed) opinions on each one (I took notes as I finished each story).
The Assassin and the Pirate Lord: Based on this story alone, I don’t know if I’d continue. Characters are meh, story is meh. Can tell Celaena is 16, as she acts like your stereotypical hair-flipping snarky popular girl.
(I swear this is Celaena to Sam through most of this novella.)I’m sure that she and Sam are not having the “antagonistic co-workers to lovers” trope here; that would just be too obvious, right? Two teenage assassins both so proficient, both striving for their mentor’s approval, both attractive; it would never happen. Am so glad that certain of the killers-for-hire have a moral code; murder? Yes. Slavery? A bridge too far and not what respectable people do. (How about both murder and slavery are wrong? Or the fact that the money you get for murder is helping go towards that foray into slavery? Less murder, less money, less slavery.) Am also sure that Celaena’s point of view that everything she did will go perfectly well is not some kind of horrible foreshadowing.
The Assassin and the Healer: So the book is a series of short stories telling an over-reaching story arc; okay, I’ve got it. It’s been established, so we won’t need a rehash every time. Now we have Yrene, the self-pitying, ambitionless professional victim, getting Celaena to start rethinking her views on life. Yrene, who has sexy girl crush on Celaena, despite apparently there being no same-sex leanings in this book at any time. Writing is also starting to get real simplistic.
The Assassin and the Desert:
There was nothing left in the world except sand and wind.At least, that’s how it seemed to Celaena Sardothien as she stood atop the crimson dune and gazed across the desert.
Okay, changed my mind: the writing is grating. I don’t know what it is about those two sentences, but they task me. They task me like Kirk tasked Khan.
And this is the third story; by this point we’ve gotten the plot details down and remember what happened all the way back in The Assassin and the Pirate Lord; you are now just belaboring the point. I guarantee we are going to see Ansel again; I just know that every decision Celaena makes in this book is going to turn around and bite her sometime down the road, either in this book or in the series. And I’m glad that the Mute Master is going the whole less abusive Pai Mei from Kill Bill route. Only plus side is that Celaena seems to finally be getting away from her idol worship of Arobynn, her mentor and Master of Assassins. So I assume she’ll turn from him completely now she knows how abusive he is?
The Assassin and the Underworld: Well, there goes that hope crushed beyond recognition. Celaena, may I recommend Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood? Wow, untrustworthy guy was untrustworthy; who would have seen that coming?
![Restored Sarcastically Surprised Captain Kirk [Star Trek - Captain Kirk Feigns Surprise] : r/MemeRestoration](https://i.redd.it/q04wsllv4xwf1.png)
Plus with the way Celaena talks about Yrene, Lysandra, and other women, I feel like I’m reading a Jolene meme.
You can tell Celaena and Sam (and Lysandra) are all teenagers; they are written so young and angsty and overblown dramatic; it’s like Gossip Girl but with assassins. (I’m guessing; I’ve never seen Gossip Girl.) And I know it was common practice to raffle off a young girl’s virginity in brothels, however all I could think of reading about Lysandra was Brooke Shields in Pretty Baby. And I am so glad Arobynn got that final dig in; whatever would we do without a character objecting about their money being spent on their “YA novel-required catty female acquaintance that the FMC has a loathe/hate relationship/romantic rival’s” deflowering, instead of just on the generic practice of deflowering? And again; these are all published in one book: why do you need to keep rehashing plot synopses? I hate when series do this across a span of books; why oh why are you doing it in one book?
The Assassin and the Empire: So overblown, flowery, overly dramatic writing. No regrets; really no regrets. Look at the lack of regrets while I fume over being replaced, believe every action is solely to piss me off, and regrets.
No, Celaena has no regrets over what happened with Arobynn at the end of the last book (please ignore that I agree with Sam; she was totally hung up on Arobynn and had a giant crush on him. Celaena, you’re not helping prove Sam wrong with the thunderclap realization that if Arobynn had ever said yes, you would have jumped his bones.); she’s a woman in love with Sam, a strong totally Independent Woman Assassin Who Needs No Man But Is Totally In Love With Her Boyfriend (but not a typical lady assassin; no, she likes books, and fine wine, and symphonic music, and expensive lacy undergarments, and spa treatments. Geez Celaena; you either sound like Lysandra without the sex, or a Pick Me Girl.) Seriously, I expected to read a conversation between Sam and Celaena along the lines of:
Sam: All I need is you.
Celaena: All I need is you…and this list of ten must-have luxuries.
I knew what was going to happen with Sam that minute I started getting On Her Majesty’s Secret Service vibes; they too, have all the time in the world.
And you don’t know who betrayed you? Why, was the obvious too obvious? But that’s okay, we have a larger villain: the king, who is not just evil, he’s really, really, really evil; he’s physically evil he’s so evil. Le sigh. So le, so sigh.
Overall impression: As I said at the beginning of this, I will read the Throne of Glass series because I (foolishly) bought the whole thing at once, but it’s going to take a while and I’m probably going to have to push myself to get through it. I guess Maas writes teenagers realistically, and that is part of the problem; Celaena (and to a lesser extent Sam) are just written so annoyingly. And Ansel, and Farran, and Arobynn just make me think the “The Riddle” from the play The Scarlet Pimpernel. (Seriously, look up the lyrics; they fit.) I just don’t know how emotionally invested I was in what happened to Sam because I don’t know how emotionally I’m invested in him. Though to be frank, that’s how I felt about all the characters. And I was waiting to stop being told Celaena was the greatest Assassin ever born and be showed it; because for most of the book she was getting her clock cleaned.
Which is a long, drawn out way to say that I can’t really recommend this book. If other Sarah J. Maas works are your taste or you like talented yet not too bright female assassins and their trials and tribulations, you’ll probably like it.
