In book six of The Tillerman Cycle, we spend time with James, the Tillerman family’s deepest thinker, and in many respects, its most troubled family member. Sweet Maybeth, though clearly developmentally disabled, has her siblings to look out for her and though academically challenged, is a popular and beloved classmate. Both younger brother Sammy and older sister Dicey are unwilling to bend to social mores and remain fiercely independent despite the pressures of high school. Despite their gruff exteriors and nonchalance, friends seek them out.
And then there is James, so academically smart but so unable to understand his own value. This book is a deep look into the teenage psyche as James grapples with being profoundly uncomfortable as himself; he analytically understands the informal rules of high school, but since his interests don’t align with what is mainstream, he subverts his own wants in order to try to fit in. Tale as old as time, or at least as old as American high schools, and trying to be cool.
Watching James join and subsequently play on the baseball team even though it makes him miserable broke my heart. As he wrestles with his feelings of inadequacy, he searches for a deeper understanding of who he is and tries to find the father who abandoned them. He pulls Sammy into this quest and together they learn more about themselves, and each other, as seek to uncover the truth of their parentage.
Seeing them together provides great contrast. James is thoughtful, cautious, and a dreamer, but remains pragmatic no matter the situation. Sammy is everything he is not, bold, impulsive, and willing to stand his ground, no matter the consequence. Over the course of this book, they learn so much from each other which for me emphasized the value of having deep conversations with someone whose brain doesn’t work like yours.
This might be my favorite book of the series, its themes of belonging, and self-actualization are truly timeless and resonated with me just as much in my fourth decade of life (!!) as it did when I was the age of the characters.
