This book was tough to read, I’ll be honest. Especially since I read it right after Tragedy + Time, while out of town for what ended up being a death in the family. But it’s an amazing read and, unlike most other books, it also introduced me to some fantastic music. The author, Lane Moore, has a a band called It Was Romance and their album (S/T) is on Spotify — check it out!
“And more than anything, feel proud of yourself, because you didn’t let being other kill you. You’re still here, and one day maybe you’ll have a family of your own and you’ll love the holidays. Or maybe you’ll never like this time of year. Either way, you’ll still be here, living. Sometimes that’s the bravest thing of all. And if you don’t believe me, it’s a line in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and as I and I both know, that show is everything.”
This book is a deep dive on how every aspect of a person’s life is profoundly shaped by their childhood — but also how that can be overcome. Moore was raised by an abusive father and a mother (and sister) who she remains distant from. It’s unclear why — she tried reaching out to them as an adult, and it seems like they dismissed her experiences as a child, and certainly did not acknowledge being complicit in any abuse.
As a result of her childhood, Moore struggled to find safe, fulfilling love as an adult. She found herself drawn to people with similar backgrounds as her own, who quickly became dangerous and unstable. Other she attracted lovers who preyed on damaged souls.
Moore has struggled with anxiety, depression, homelessness, poverty, dangerous lovers and uncaring family. But through it all, she’s clung to her talent (seriously, listen to the album) and built a life for herself. The title is misleading (as reviewers on Goodread have pointed out) — it’s not really a book about being alone. It felt to me more like a book about finding yourself to be enough — and then building a life on that.