Lord have mercy, do we have a treat for y’all. Be forewarned, this review is going to be rife with gifs, memes, and spoilers because… you’ll see. It’s a doozy.
The year is 2437. There are about 2 billion people left on earth after World War III (aka “The Toxic War”) which broke out in 2057 and lasted until 2060. At that point, women outnumbered men 26 to 1 and it was the general consensus that “male pride and aggression” caused the near destruction of the planet.
A new world order is in play, one were 5 commandment-like laws rule over everyone. These are: No killing, no greed, no borders, no pollution and equality for all. Utopia, bitches.
Patty: THE WOMEN HAVE TAKEN OVER, Y’ALL. They have had it up to HERE with manly manliness and the dawn of a new era bringeth forth a new, better earth. One where everyone is polite and kind and no one leaves their dirty socks on the floor. A place where everyone contributes equally towards society’s well-being and nurturing. It’s basically a communist/hippie hybrid of suppressed granola-munching vegans where no one curses and everyone is in touch with their positive, female emotions.
It’s a reality produced by a maxi-pad commercial. Every cliche about women being passive pacifists hits the fan and that shit is spread wide and far.
Katie: … Except for Canada and Alaska, where it’s still over run with millions of aggressive, meat-eating, fight-loving, cuss word spewing men. And eight women. SRSLY. That’s how she describes it. Okay, not in those exact words, but that’s pretty much the gist.
Christina, our female lead, is an archaeologist. She considers her professional heroes to be Indiana Jones and Lara Croft, the two greatest archaeologists of the twentieth century.
Patty: That part made me giggle. Meant to be very tongue-in-cheek for the reader, Christina came to the conclusion that they must have been world renowned archaeologists after uncovering centuries old films documenting their many discoveries.
Katie: She is considered too valuable a lecturer at the university to be allowed to go on field assignments. Until she hears about one in the Northlands for which no one will volunteer.
This is where I need to explain that a great wall has been erected along what was previously the longest undefended border in the world. Its sole purpose is to keep those damn men isolated from the peace loving rest of the world. Get it? The rest of the world lives in peace and harmony like that coke ad from the late 70s, but they can’t let those MEN mess everything up.
Which is not to say there aren’t any men South of the wall, there are some, but they’re still out numbered 14 to 1 and have pretty much become gender neutral by the time of the story in the 25th century. The way they’re described reminded me forcibly of the humans in Wall-E and the changes that they underwent over time.
Patty: Oh, and there’s no marriage in FemmeLand (actually, it’s called Motherlands) because oppression and people have sex with robots because… I don’t know why, actually. I mean, other than the fact that there are next to zero men and those that do exist are too busy getting in touch with their feminine side. Bottom line: Man bad, woman good. There is this whole Ministry of Truth undertone in the Motherlands that basically repudiates anything with even a whiff of testosterone.
So naturally, the men of the north believe the men who live in the Motherlands are pansy sissies and everyone in the Motherlands fears the savage manly men of the north.
Katie: The male protagonist is named Alexander Boulder and prefers to be called by his last name. He is trusted advisor and best friend to the king in the North. NOT THAT ONE.
Anyway, after you’ve stopped drooling, you’ll be pleased to know that the wedding that everyone knows about EXCEPT the bride is not the signaling of a Stockholm syndrome type relationship, nor is the bride raped on her wedding night and expected to like it. I actually found this quite surprising considering that was the way the book seemed to be going. I was expecting to stroke out from rage like I do over Kristen Ashley.
Patty: There is so much – too much – to even begin to tell or explain. In an effort to summarize, see below for some screenshots of a conversation we had.
Patty: As absurd and sometimes silly as the premise is, the author writes well. There are a handful of editing errors (missing quotation marks and the like) but overall, it’s well produced. Also, I haven’t had this much fun reading a romance novel in ages… I mean, I laughed and giggled and guffawed from beginning to end. It was a great stress reliever.
Katie: While it doesn’t have the jaw dropping twist of When Life Happened, I did find myself surprised by the way the author handled the pacing of the story and some of the plot selections she made. There was romance and smexy times, but those almost took a backseat to the friendship building between the couple and the world building.
Katie: I don’t know that this is bad, exactly, but the author is very earnest. She has an agenda and is determined to pursue it throughout the story. The problem is that it is absurd and it’s difficult to take her seriously. And she desperately wants to be.
Katie: There’s not really anything for us to debate this time. We both laughed our butts off and have no intention picking up the additional five installments to read.
Summary & Conclusion
Misguided girl meets misguided guy. They get married then become friends. Sexism is a state religion. And it’s only 99 cents on Amazon.