“If We Were Villains” tells the story of Oliver Marks, finishing his ten-year sentence in prison for murder, met at the gate by Joseph Colborne, the detective on the case. Never believing Oliver was guilty, Colburne wants to know what actually happened all those years ago, back when Oliver was a lower-income student on scholarship at the Dellecher Classical Conservatory, an exclusive and cliquish art school. In on an acting scholarship, Oliver joined the acting set and their obsession with all things Shakespeare, where he was usually shoved into the sidekick roles as incredibly difficult to cast. Rounding out the set were: James Farrow: his handsome and studious roommate; frequently cast as the hero, longing not to be typecast.
Richard Stirling: physically imposing, bullying and smarmy, he was typically cast in domineering roles, suiting his personality.
Wren Stirling: Richard’s cousin, the petite blonde usually cast as the ingenue.
Meredith Dardenne: Richard’s girlfriend. Red-headed Meredith was the most strikingly beautiful and sexually desirable of the group; often physically objectified, something she both resented and exploited.
Alexander Vass: The most reckless of the group, and the one most likely to use drugs and alcohol. He often appeared callous and self-serving.
Filippa Kosto: The most loyal, Filippa was grounded and clear-headed and was often the peacekeeper in the group.
Living their roles, speaking almost entirely in Shakespearean quotes, the group found this problematic when they began rehearsals of Julius Caesar and Richard started to get a little too into his role of Caesar. As he grews increasingly abusive and manipulative, the group began to wonder if the Romans had a point. When the murder does occur, the group struggled to determine who committed the crime and how much responsibility each person bears in all that unfolds.
“Hatred is the sincerest form of flattery.” Which must mean I want to flatter this book to Hell and back, because I loathed this book. I loathed the plot, I loathed the characters, I loathed the writing, I loathed everything. The constant quoting of Shakespeare was twee. So, so, so twee. I know Shakespeare added so much vocabulary to the English language; however, no one thinks that it’s fantastic, or adorable, or whatever the author was going for to have people talk in play quotes every conversation.
The characters are not real people whatsoever, neither is the school a real place. The entire book is a book; scenarios, and lines and characters for (I guess someone’s) entertainment, not for realism. I defy you to find people or a place that is anywhere close to this in real life. The women are basically objects, described by their looks and sex appeal, basically existing for men to notice or ignore. The men are the most fleshed out characters, and that’s a real depressing comment to say with how everyone is written. The relationships, both romantic and familial are painful to read. Families apparently fall into two camps: either members all loathe each other, or you’re borderline creepily obsessed. This book would also have you believe that Universities must be full to the brim with people who are pathologically jealous of other people’s romances; why worry about schoolwork when you can worry who your friend is seeing? And the great ending of the murder investigation? Talk about incredibly lazy writing. Apparently once someone confesses that’s it, it’s all locked up. No one can contradict and the police and the prosecutor don’t look for additional evidence, they just run with the case.
To sum up:
