I Wish I Could Say “Thank You” is an autobiographical manga about the author’s mother dying of pancreatic cancer and how she and her family deal with this transitional phase in their lives. I got this from MoCCA Fest and haven’t seen it for sale in any bookstores around me, which cements why I like going to comic-cons. You get to see stuff from smaller presses that you might overlook or might be unavailable depending on distribution, and that’s often the material that I find the most interesting or relatable.
This was a raw but very realistic look at dealing with a dying person and how it’s not like it’s portrayed in movies or on TV. Takinami’s mother has always been a difficult person to deal with and cancer doesn’t radically change her personality or cause any dramatic deathbed reconciliations. Instead, she continues to be really mean and critical of her other daughter Nao, who takes her in and oversees all the aspects of her care. Despite this, she tells Nao how she never does anything for her and critiques everything she does. Takinami struggles to find the right footing to deal with her mother, as she lives farther away, and how to handle her own complex feelings about her.
Overall, I enjoyed this and thought it did a lot to demystify the process of death and the complicated, contradictory emotions that come up during it. Takinami really captures the small beautiful moments of connection and the immense stress the whole family is under. Everything is happening all at once, everything is critical, and yet your small child can need your attention just as much and you can simultaneously be a parent and child going through this earthshaking event. Recommended for those who have dealt with something like this or who are interested in something that we’re all going to go through at some point.
Warnings for: depictions of someone dying of cancer, suicidal ideation, what one could argue (I would) is emotional abuse