David Finch embarks on a project to understand himself and his wife after realizing he has Asperger’s and needs to make some changes to save his marriage. It’s a brave task to tackle getting to know yourself as an adult after you feel you knew who you were. Using his skills to analyze people, Mr. Finch reflects on why his wife reacts the way she does and how he can better support her and communicate what he needs.
He begins analyzing the behaviors and mindsets that are causing setbacks and using this analysis to form strategies for positive changes.
Mr. Finch does a great job sharing the honest, gritty details of his project and makes it seem like the writer is right there alongside he and his wife, Kristen.
While I don’t have Asperger’s, I related to this book in that a lot what Mr. Finch realizes is that being who you are, putting others first, and being present in the moment are the foundation for improving all sorts of relationships. The idea that we need to be perfect to be loved and to love gets in the way of too many of our relationships.
What is hard to believe is that no one noticed that something was different about Mr. Finch. On one hand, he was born before Aspberger’s was even a diagnosis, but still, it seems his parents just thought he was a unique kid. Even when he went through the school system, you’d think some of his very Aspberger’s behaviors would’ve flagged something in the educational system.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that he needed to be fixed or that he wasn’t able to cope on his own. It just seems that life would’ve been easier for him if he could’ve seen an occupational therapist who could’ve helped him with social issues as well as learning how to lead a productive life and still be who he is. I still think a visit to an O.T. would serve he and his wife well. That’s just my humble opinion.
This was an enjoyable read and whether you have Asperger’s or are neurotypical, there are pieces of this experience to which we can all relate.