Patty: Well. So that happened. Welcome to our first CBR review of 2017.
Katie: You know it’s going to be at least interesting when Patty messages you to buy this book because it’s off to a good start and then not 12 hours later messages you again because she’s making this face when reading the sex scenes.
Whereas I was all…
Just kidding. I really had an expression more like Patty’s.
Patty: Our heroine, Elise, is working on her PhD in archeology. She’s also working on uncovering (PUN #1) the truth behind her father’s mysterious disappearance. Using the former as a means to dig (PUN #2) into the latter, she finds her way onto the Blackwood Estate – her father’s last known whereabouts – under the guise of surveying the land for Native American artifacts.

Blackwood is named after the family that owns the land. Located in the heavily wooded outskirts of a small town somewhere in Tennessee (or Mississippi? I don’t know, some place where they eat grits and use “sugar” as a term of endearment), the estate and surrounding lands also boast SECRETS; a bearded recluse living in a broken down Victorian house; a skeptical, but friendly sheriff; a dirty, crazy, town hobo; and the added bonus of soul-piercing screams that can be heard in the woods at night.
Katie: SO, you’re hoping you get beardy William Hurt…
…but you’re willing to settle for Joaquin…
….and you wind up with Adrien Brody.
The Good
Patty: The mystery had a creep factor of 1,000. The author did a great job of setting a tone of unease that permeated every chapter. I kept wanting to yell at the characters to look over their shoulders because something was out there. Even the most seemingly benign scenes were tense and unnerving.
Katie: #truth The creepy factor is there from the very beginning and DOES NOT let up.
The Bad
Patty: Katiekins, be a dove and tell me again: how do you feel about cookies with raisins in them?
Patty: That’s right, they aren’t your cup of tea. As a matter of fact, I believe there isn’t a bucket large enough to hold the torrent of vomit that you would spew should you inadvertently bite into what you believe to be a chocolate-chip cookie, only to sink your teeth into a mealy, wrinkled, ex-grape. Now, some people love raisins. I have been known to enjoy an oatmeal raisin cookie. I make a killer cranberry chutney which has golden raisins as one of the ingredients. Nonetheless, I can understand someone else dry heaving at the very thought of ingesting dead fruit. To each his own and all that.
Therein lies my problem with this story; we’ll call it Raisin Sex. Not my thing. Maybe someone else’s, whatever floats your consensual boat. I mean, a well-placed spank – I mean, raisin – in one bite of a cookie is all well and good; but if your raisin to cookie dough ratio is off and you find yourself choking on a dic – RAISIN – or if it hurts to have se- swallow the cookie – I’ll have cake.
Katie: To be fair, they do warn you in the description that this is a BDSM novel. HOWEVER, and I say this without judgement, playing escape and evade in a creeptastic forest followed by being forced to choke on dick after receiving a beating is not my idea of fun smexy times. Even to read about. And look, trolling the free to 99 cent romances on Amazon means I come across a lot of bizarre shit. I mean, look at this puntastic masterpiece:

Conclusion
Katie: It’s creepy as fuck. Elise has literally no one she can really count on. Everyone has ulterior motives. IF (and it’s a BIG if) you can get past the off putting sex, there’s a decent creepy read to be had. I can’t really recommend it, but I would like to read a straight up thriller written by this author.
Patty: Minor spoiler: the resolution of the mystery is some fucked-up shit. Think prunes. Well done but messed up. THIS IS WHY I DON’T GO CAMPING.
These are 100% my favorite things in like, the world.
The reviews, that is. Not the raisin sex.
<3
Please make reaction photos a thing in all future reviews.
Signed,
All of Us
Pretty please?
With ALL the cherries on top?
Co-Sign
Yesssssss
I want to comment on this amazing review, but I just can’t come up with words. Just… thanks.
I just love everything about this review and both of you.
I’m so glad you enjoyed our review! 🙂 I can’t promise future reaction shots, but we’ll see.
Do you guys take requests? I don’t have anything in mind now, but every once in a while I come across something that I desperately want to know about but without putting my own brain in danger. 😉
Depends. Had to be 3.99 or less on kindle.
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Man, how do you guys even find these books. (Delightful review, as always.)
Just clicked the link and see it’s included with Kindle unlimited. I am considering it to see the creep factor for myself. But only if I’m stuck in an airport probably!
Yay, PattyKates is back! This book sounds like a big NO to me. I feel the same way Katie does about raisins.
I just read a short story by that author and it was trash, so…
That cover though…
Welcome back ladies! Glorious review as always. Thanks for continually taking one for the team for all of us others own enjoyment.
I do enjoy your guys’ reviews, although I am sorry you have to read those books. Not VERY sorry, but a little bit.