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> FAQ Home
> Genre: Romance > Consensual Raisin Sex We Do Not Speak Of

Consensual Raisin Sex We Do Not Speak Of

Blackwood by Celia Aaron

January 19, 2017 by katie71483 20 Comments

Patty: Well. So that happened. Welcome to our first CBR review of 2017.

Katie: You know it’s going to be at least interesting when Patty messages you to buy this book because it’s off to a good start and then not 12 hours later messages you again because she’s making this face when reading the sex scenes.

Whereas I was all…

Just kidding. I really had an expression more like Patty’s.

Patty: Our heroine, Elise, is working on her PhD in archeology. She’s also working on uncovering (PUN #1) the truth behind her father’s mysterious disappearance. Using the former as a means to dig (PUN #2) into the latter, she finds her way onto the Blackwood Estate – her father’s last known whereabouts – under the guise of surveying the land for Native American artifacts.

Whut?

Blackwood is named after the family that owns the land. Located in the heavily wooded outskirts of a small town somewhere in Tennessee (or  Mississippi? I don’t know, some place where they eat grits and use “sugar” as a term of endearment), the estate and surrounding lands also boast SECRETS; a bearded recluse living in a broken down Victorian house; a skeptical, but friendly sheriff; a dirty, crazy, town hobo; and the added bonus of soul-piercing screams that can be heard in the woods at night.

Katie: SO, you’re hoping you get beardy William Hurt…

…but you’re willing to settle for Joaquin…

….and you wind up with Adrien Brody.

The Good

Patty: The mystery had a creep factor of 1,000. The author did a great job of setting a tone of unease that permeated every chapter. I kept wanting to yell at the characters to look over their shoulders because something was out there. Even the most seemingly benign scenes were tense and unnerving.

Katie: #truth The creepy factor is there from the very beginning and DOES NOT let up.

The Bad

Patty: Katiekins, be a dove and tell me again: how do you feel about cookies with raisins in them?

Patty: That’s right, they aren’t your cup of tea. As a matter of fact, I believe there isn’t a bucket large enough to hold the torrent of vomit that you would spew should you inadvertently bite into what you believe to be a chocolate-chip cookie, only to sink your teeth into a mealy, wrinkled, ex-grape. Now, some people love raisins. I have been known to enjoy an oatmeal raisin cookie. I make a killer cranberry chutney which has golden raisins as one of the ingredients. Nonetheless, I can understand someone else dry heaving at the very thought of ingesting dead fruit. To each his own and all that.

Therein lies my problem with this story; we’ll call it Raisin Sex. Not my thing. Maybe someone else’s, whatever floats your consensual boat. I mean, a well-placed spank – I mean, raisin – in one bite of a cookie is all well and good; but if your raisin to cookie dough ratio is off and you find yourself choking on a dic – RAISIN – or if it hurts to have se- swallow the cookie – I’ll have cake.

Katie: To be fair, they do warn you in the description that this is a BDSM novel. HOWEVER, and I say this without judgement, playing escape and evade in a creeptastic  forest followed by being forced to choke on dick after receiving a beating is not my idea of fun smexy times. Even to read about. And look, trolling the free to 99 cent romances on Amazon means I come across a lot of bizarre shit. I mean, look at this puntastic masterpiece:

 

(Don’t read it. It’s seriously bad. And icky. I just love the title.)

Conclusion

Katie: It’s creepy as fuck. Elise has literally no one she can really count on. Everyone has ulterior motives. IF (and it’s a BIG if) you can get past the off putting sex, there’s a decent creepy read to be had. I can’t really recommend it, but I would like to read a straight up thriller written by this author.

Patty: Minor spoiler: the resolution of the mystery is some fucked-up shit. Think prunes. Well done but messed up. THIS IS WHY I DON’T GO CAMPING.

 

 

Filed Under: Romance

katie71483's CBR9 Review No:1 · Genres: Romance · Tags: ·
· 20 Comments

About katie71483

CBR13 participantCBR12 participantCBR11 participantCBR10 participantCBR  9CBR 8CBR 7

A pop culture junkie, Katie has an addiction to tragically bad romance novels. In addition, Katie is resolute in her belief that Evans is #BestChris and doesn't understand why people live where it snows. That shit is terrifying. View katie71483's reviews»

Comments

  1. The Mama says

    January 19, 2017 at 2:48 pm

    These are 100% my favorite things in like, the world.

    The reviews, that is. Not the raisin sex.

    Reply
    • katie71483 says

      January 19, 2017 at 2:49 pm

      <3

      Reply
  2. alexis says

    January 19, 2017 at 2:49 pm

    Please make reaction photos a thing in all future reviews.
    Signed,
    All of Us

    Reply
    • MsWas says

      January 19, 2017 at 2:53 pm

      Pretty please?

      Reply
      • faintingviolet says

        January 19, 2017 at 3:15 pm

        With ALL the cherries on top?

        Reply
    • FyreHaar says

      January 19, 2017 at 7:16 pm

      Co-Sign

      Reply
    • Mrs. Julien says

      January 19, 2017 at 7:35 pm

      Yesssssss

      Reply
  3. jumatias says

    January 19, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    I want to comment on this amazing review, but I just can’t come up with words. Just… thanks.

    Reply
  4. faintingviolet says

    January 19, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    I just love everything about this review and both of you.

    Reply
  5. katie71483 says

    January 19, 2017 at 2:58 pm

    I’m so glad you enjoyed our review! 🙂 I can’t promise future reaction shots, but we’ll see.

    Reply
  6. Ellepkay says

    January 19, 2017 at 3:04 pm

    Do you guys take requests? I don’t have anything in mind now, but every once in a while I come across something that I desperately want to know about but without putting my own brain in danger. 😉

    Reply
    • katie71483 says

      January 19, 2017 at 3:19 pm

      Depends. Had to be 3.99 or less on kindle.

      Reply
  7. JCoppercorn says

    January 19, 2017 at 3:05 pm

    nope.gif

    Reply
  8. narfna says

    January 19, 2017 at 3:27 pm

    Man, how do you guys even find these books. (Delightful review, as always.)

    Reply
  9. teresaelectro says

    January 19, 2017 at 4:07 pm

    Just clicked the link and see it’s included with Kindle unlimited. I am considering it to see the creep factor for myself. But only if I’m stuck in an airport probably!

    Reply
  10. Malin says

    January 19, 2017 at 6:22 pm

    Yay, PattyKates is back! This book sounds like a big NO to me. I feel the same way Katie does about raisins.

    Reply
  11. FyreHaar says

    January 19, 2017 at 7:18 pm

    I just read a short story by that author and it was trash, so…

    Reply
  12. Mrs. Julien says

    January 19, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    That cover though…

    Reply
  13. Beth Ellen says

    January 19, 2017 at 8:14 pm

    Welcome back ladies! Glorious review as always. Thanks for continually taking one for the team for all of us others own enjoyment.

    Reply
  14. llp says

    January 19, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    I do enjoy your guys’ reviews, although I am sorry you have to read those books. Not VERY sorry, but a little bit.

    Reply

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