I wish someone had told me this simple but confusing truth: Even when everything’s going your way you can still be sad. Or anxious. Or uncomfortably numb. Because you can’t always control you brain or your emotions even when things are perfect.
When I was a junior in high school I started to struggle with depression. My family has a long running history with OCD and anxiety but depression was a little bit new. My mom took it as a personal affront to her parenting so I decided I was better. Or at least got a little bit better at hiding it. It helped that my sister got engaged that year and, for better or worse, took a lot of the attention off of me.
As I headed into my Sophomore year of college I was on a downward spiral that my parents could no longer ignore. I was un-enrolled from my out of state college and enrolled in weekly therapy sessions that I loathed (I also got to move back home). After 18 months of trial and error I found medications that helped me feel like a normal person and ditched my therapist who just made me feel more stabby. I still have dark days where I cry because my cat runs away when I go to pet him or I become unable to talk to my husband because I messed up dinner & I can no longer figure out how to speak; sometimes I still keep rubber-bands on my wrist that I can twist and pull to keep me focused but these days are few and far between.
“What I want you to know: Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. Clinical depression is no fucking picnic.”
Needless to say I can relate to Jenny Lawson. Furiously Happy was almost difficult for me to read because I could relate to a lot of her struggles; although I am not agoraphobic and don’t suffer from insomnia or rheumatoid arthritis. Her blog and memoirs have helped give misfits a place to call home and a place where being a little weird in normal.
This book was just so very good. Lawson is truthful and open about what it’s like to live with anxiety and depression. She makes light of a few things because it’s a coping mechanism but also because what else are you supposed to do? I loved the Spoon theory and think all medical journals should be forced to add it to all future publications regarding mental illness.
If reading about someone who suffers from mental illness isn’t your cup of tea there are plenty of other anecdotes with a lighter tone. I laughed out loud several times and had to read a few passages out loud to my husband who was intrigued by my laughter. Also, for someone who hates leaving the comfort of her bedroom I was very jealous about her recent trips to Japan and Australia. The ninja break-in was a highlight. I’m perfectly comfortable in a crowd and the only trip I’ve gone on in the last 18 months is to New Orleans.
There are also pictures of cats! Stories and pictures of taxidermied animals! And conversations with a long suffering (and equally hilarious) husband!
Really, Furiously Happy has something for everyone! It should be required Cannonball reading this year.
