I heart Mindy Kaling. I liked her on The Office, but my sister finally forced me to watch The Mindy Project a couple months ago and I was instantly hooked. Since then I’ve been watching episodes on Hulu as if they were expensive, bad-for-me treats which I must enjoy only ONE AT A TIME OR TWO, TOPS, because someday I will run out and I’ll have to wait months until I’m allowed to buy them again/the next season comes out.
I also pestered my sister until she let me borrow Mindy’s biography, which I bought her for Christmas.
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) is pre-Mindy Project, which made me sad because I’d love to hear her talk about it (write another one, Mindy! I promise I’ll buy it for my sister for Christmas and later borrow it!). She talks about school, and how she got started in New York, she includes several lists like “Alternate Titles For This Book”, “Things Kelly Would Do That I Would Not”, and “Things Kelly and I Would Both Do”. So I thought it might be interesting to list some ways I am and am not like Mindy.
Ways I am like Mindy Kaling
1. She describes “an Irish exit.” It basically means you leave the party without telling anyone. GOD. I am SO INTO this idea. The other day it took me FORTY-FIVE MINUTES to leave an after-hours work thing (at which I couldn’t even get drunk!) because people thought “bye” meant “let’s talk about our job,” and you’re telling me I could have just taken my purse “to the bathroom” and gone home instead? This is life-changing. She mentioned that eventually people catch on and call you out for it, but I shall cling to this introvert’s dream come true until then, and probably longer.
2. There’s a whole chapter called “Roasts are Terrible”. OMG yes.
3. One chapter is titled, “Types of Women in Romantic Comedies Who Are Not Real.” It is brilliant. My favorite is “the woman who is obsessed with her career and is no fun at all.” She’s the worst. And I hate that the moral of the story is that she needs to relax and not be so ambitious. Fuck that.
4. Our Mindy writes about her frustrations with stylists, namely, that very few people know how to style her because she’s not a size 0. There is a nearly-heartbreaking story about a photoshoot in which Mindy only fits into one ugly dress, but she picked out her favorite anyway and basically told the people to make it fit, so it turns instead into a story about why we love her. Can we just have more of this, forever?
5. Revenge fantasies while jogging. Mindy has talked about her outlandish inspirations to work out in her book, on her show, and during live TV appearances, such as getting revenge for the murder of her handsome, famous, fictional husband. It’s hilarious. I do a similar thing while working on my pull-ups. (Disclaimer: I cannot do a pull-up. They are super hard. But I’m getting better, slowly but surely.) I pretend that like, somehow I got shoved over the railing at Niagara Falls, and no one is there to pull me back, and if I don’t pull myself up I shall surely die. (I technically die every time, unless I’m using a resistance band.) And of course the whole thing is caught on video by some tourist and they play the clip of me amazingly saving my own life through sheer badassery on the evening news and the anchorpeople are all, “Dang, don’t mess with that lady! She’s got upper-body strength!” So, sort of the same.
Ways I am not like Mindy Kaling
1. In her chapter “Guys Need to Do Almost Nothing to Be Great,” Mindy lists as number eight, “Your girlfriend’s sibling or parent might be totally nuts, but always defend them… especially if she’s [condemning] them already.” Seriously, if a person is truly nuts, BAIL. ALWAYS BAIL. If it’s a member of your girlfriend’s family, HELP HER BAIL. It’s much more romantic to trust her judgement on people she’s known her whole life than to randomly defend her crazy family.
I know I joke a lot about dumping my boyfriend, mostly because he periodically makes me sleep in a tent and is from the literal Alaska of pop culture (he, in turn, will probably dump me for making too many Alaska jokes), but I’m not kidding, if he suddenly starting reaching out to and encouraging me to visit the crazy in my family, it would be over.
2. In the same chapter, “Get a little jealous now and then, even if you’re not strictly a jealous guy.” Noooooooooo, Mindy. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.
That said, totally looking forward to your next book. 😀