So, um, it is a big deal for me that I put this on my digital book shelf. And a big deal that I read it. On the one hand, reading it made sense because when there is something I want to learn about I tend to turn to a book, but reading something with the word “erotic” in the title makes me heckin’ uncomfortable. Yet, here we are.
As I focus on my wellness (in all regards) I was looking to learn more about sex and sexuality and a good friend of mine recommended this book. I picked it up (Kindle) and found myself highlighting it all up and down. And then, I was horrified to see, on Goodreads, those highlights. I calmed down when I saw the default setting was private and only to me, but yeah, you see why my delicate southern behind probably needed to pick up this book. To be embarrassed about sexuality is to be ashamed and that is exactly what I’m pushing back against. I’m looking at you, conservative upbringing, because I plan to kick you to the curb.
This book is an unending marriage (wordplay!) between Perel’s many hypotheses about growing and maintaining erotic intelligence in the context of our modern world and the restrictions of societal constructs and narrow thinking regarding relationships, partnerships, and the tightrope that is hitching yourself to one person, who is supposed to fulfill all your needs. But how can you maintain friendship/emotional support/excitement and the like? Well, she says time and again that it isn’t easy, and we work against ourselves in many ways. She isn’t trying to change your mind, but rather provides her theories and examples of her patients to illustrate her points. Though focused on heteronormative relationships, she explains in the beginning that is where most of her professional experience lies, though she often pulls different examples and provides caveats for a wider audience.
I found this book interesting, informative, and am glad to have read it and will recommend it to others who are looking to have a greater understand of self and relationships.