I already liveblogged reading Fifty Shades of Grey, wherein there was a lot of swearing and a drinking game was born. If you missed it, you can find it here.
There’s…um…a lot more swearing this time. And an updated version of the drinking game at the end.***
On to Fifty Shades Darker.
The faster I read, the faster it will be over.
March 6 at 10:59pm
This book starts with Christian witnessing his birth mother being beaten. He wakes up and it was a nightmare.
This has been covered so many times, but this whole post-traumatic BDSM thing is so insulting.
This could potentially read as continuing the cycle of abuse, but that’s not how this is framed, and that’s unfortunate. It’s presented as kinky sex, not abuse disguised as BDSM.
March 6 at 11:14pm
Ana picks up the story three days after the breakup, after her first day at her new job.
It doesn’t really come up, but Ana is already living a fantasy life. She’s not fabulously wealthy or anything, but she’s got an awesome, supportive roommate, she lives in an awesome apartment in a very desirable location that her roommate’s parents pay for (she may pay some amount of rent, but it wasn’t much in the last book). She landed a paid internship in her field at her top choice less than a week after graduation. Her parents aren’t supposed to be super wealthy, but her mother and stepfather live in a big house right by the ocean and her stepfather can support her mother starting a new business whenever the desire moves her.
Plus she’s pale and thin with big eyes, and it’s not like those are things that are at all valued in our culture.
So, you know, it’s not like Christian Grey found her in the gutter and then that’s where she had to go when their relationship was over or anything.
March 6 at 11:23pm
She gets home from her first day of work and receives a dozen white roses from Christian.
Back off, dude.
March 6 at 11:28pm
Kate is in Barbados, which is profoundly unfortunate. Kate would know what to do.
Instead, Ana is isolated. She’s in a new city, so there aren’t friends nearby, and she’s not talking to her family. That leaves her very vulnerable.
And her overwrought pain is exactly why I have to work to remember she’s not in high school.
March 6 at 11:32pm
I am finding it difficult to eat. By lunchtime on Wednesday, I manage a cup of yogurt, and it’s the first thing I’ve eaten since Friday.
That might be where the Ana/anorexia theory may be coming from.
Also, everyone handles breakups and trauma differently, but if there were ever a cry for help, that’s it right there.
March 6 at 11:33pm
She gets an email from Christian on her work computer. Is that the same address he set up for her? If so, considering that she called talk about email ‘white noise’ in the last book (so about a month ago), is there any chance she knew how to get into the email from anywhere but the BlackBerry or Mac? I’m not even confident she had the password, to be honest.
And if it’s her work address, it means he’s stalking her again, which, to be clear, is not endearing or romantic.
He’s trying to go to Jose’s gallery opening with her, since she doesn’t have a car anymore (thanks to him).
That is not romantic. That is now a way to show he cares about her. That is predatory and not cool.
March 6 at 11:43pm
Yup. It’s a new email address.
March 6 at 11:45pm
Torturous memories flash through my mind–the gliding, holding hands, kissing, the bathtub, his gentleness, his humor, and his dark, brooding, sexy stare. I miss him.
And that, right there, is what’s so dangerous about abusive people. They aren’t abusive and horrible 100% of the time. They’d never snare victims that way. There have to be good times, highs to get you through the lows.
March 6 at 11:47pm
And Christian wins. She’ll take a ride to see her friend (and considering how jealous and possessive he is and how he feels about Jose, that’s sure to be drama-free).
March 6 at 11:49pm
My gods, we’re subjected to all of their emails arranging the trip.
This is pages that could have (should have) been reduced to: “I email him back with the time, he agrees to pick me up at 5:45 so we’ll have enough time for the trip.”
These emails include the to and from lines, a subject, a date stamp, and signature lines. Every time.
It’s insipid.
March 6 at 11:51pm
She’s back on his tragic childhood.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who has lingering issues from childhood like problems with being touched or difficulty communicating or lots of other things, you work through those things with them. That’s one of those things where relationships can be hard, but if you love that person, it’s worth it.
If, however, that person’s lingering issues are ‘wants to beat and hurt you for pleasure, whether or not you like it,’ and ‘is incapable of loving you,’ that’s where you draw a line. It’s important to take care of people you love, and it’s not right to leave someone because they’re hurting or recovering or dealing with mental or emotional issues. But you do not have to sacrifice your happiness and well being, either.
March 6 at 11:56pm
Her new boss is maybe asking her on a date, and…just…no.
(He could really just one of those guys who’s innocently creepy, but don’t ask the new intern for drinks immediately after confirming she’s single. That comes across badly even if you didn’t mean it that way.)
March 6 at 11:59pm
First thing Christian does is scowl at her and demand to know when she last ate.
And I know I was just talking about the whole ‘starving as a cry for help’ thing up there, but this is not how you go about it.
No points for Christian Grey.
March 7 at 12:01am
‘Hello, Christian. Yes, it’s nice to see you, too.’
‘I don’t want your smart mouth now. Answer me.’ His eyes blaze.
Holy shit. ‘Um…I had a yogurt at lunchtime. Oh–and a banana.’
‘When did you last have a real meal?’ he asks acidly.
Get out of the car, Ana.
Go straight to the train station. There may be time to catch the last train to Portland. It’ll cost around $70 round trip. Call Jose and tell him you’re on the way, but you’re going to be really late because your ride fell through.
And then relax and maybe get a hot dog or something else that looks good from the snack car if you’re feeling up to it. It’ll be overpriced and kind of gross, but it definitely won’t have been on Christian’s approved food list.
March 7 at 12:07am
And her new boss waved at her and Christian’s getting pissy about that, too.
Get the fuck out of his car.
March 7 at 12:08am
I stare down at the knotted fingers in my lap. Why does he always make me feel like an errant child?
Because emotional abuse will do that to a person.
March 7 at 12:10am
He has her trapped in a car with him for hours, and he’s pushing about how they need to talk.
That is not sweet or romantic. It’s horrible. And disrespectful.
March 7 at 12:11am
And he just pulled her into his lap.
Which…was she buckled in? Because he made a big deal about that before.
Still, she asked him not to. There’s no respect for her boundaries here at all.
March 7 at 12:12am
I want to struggle out of his hold, to maintain some distance, but his arms are wrapped around me. He’s pressing me to his chest. I melt. Oh, this is where I want to be.
Oh, honey.
March 7 at 12:14am
All references to Icarus should be added to the drinking game.
Also, no one should ever play that game.
March 7 at 12:15am
‘Please don’t bite your lip, Anastasia,’ he whispers.
Please take some responsibility for your own actions, asshole.
March 7 at 12:16am
Her inner goddess is back.
March 7 at 12:17am
He grins his boyish grin. Wow–I’ve not seen it for so long.
You broke up less than a week ago. Get a grip. Romeo and Juliet ran on a time scale like this, and you know where they ended up? Dead for no good reason.
March 7 at 12:19am
Also, there is no reason for us to listen to the helicopter flight banter. I have no idea how accurate it is, and considering how well researched and edited these books have been, I have no confidence that our time is even being wasted on anything besides nonsense.
March 7 at 12:21am
Christian points out the Space Needle.
‘I’ve never been.’
‘I’ll take you–we can eat there.’
‘Christian, we broke up.’
‘I know. I can still take you there and feed you.’ He glares at me.
That is not how breakups work, Christian. Back off.
(Also, when I took my trip to Seattle, I found the menu for the restaurant in the Space Needle. You need Christian Grey’s budget to go there.)
March 7 at 12:24am
Take a shot when something’s crisp.
March 7 at 12:27am
Really, I’m just adding things to the drinking game once they come up often enough to annoy me.
March 7 at 12:27am
Honest to God, I started reading this assuming that everything I’d read about how abusive and problematic the relationship is was blowing the whole thing out of proportion.
The sex (the actually consensual sex, and leaving out the punishment spanking, which were not sex or sexual) is the least problematic thing in the first book.
March 7 at 12:29am
We are on top of the strange brown brick building in Portland we left less than three weeks ago.
She lost her virginity that night. They’ve been broken up for five days.
If the speed of a relationship is a red flag, you can probably see this one from space.
March 7 at 12:32am
“Well, let’s go see the boy’s photos.”
If she’s expecting to get to go to Jose’s gallery opening without Christian being a total ass about it, she’s going to be disappointed.
March 7 at 12:34am
Also, it sounds like someone is coming to get the helicopter from Portland. Ana needs to have backup plans for getting home.
March 7 at 12:35am
“Those beautiful eyes look too large in your face, Anastasia. Please tell me you’ll eat.”
The fuck?
March 7 at 12:37am
I do not have time, room, or energy for everything that is wrong with this whole scene so far.
He got her all wound up, then he got out of the car so they couldn’t talk, and now he’s chastising her about not wanting a scene in the street.
This is how you end up being the crazy, irrational ex. It’s not that he–poor, innocent, damaged, dumped man who’s just trying to take care of her–did anything to deserve her making a scene.
March 7 at 12:40am
Christian keeps calling Jose ‘the boy,’ and there is so much wrong with that I don’t even know where to start.
March 7 at 12:45am
Jose is Ana’s friend, but because he has a penis, he is terribly threatening to Christian, so Christian is going out of his way to be an ass.
March 7 at 12:50am
They’re talking about how Christian never goes on dates. Only with Ana because she’s special.
“In his own way, he does care about me.”
And that care has her crying all the time and starving. That’s not ok.
March 7 at 12:51am
Christian Grey is the worst.
March 7 at 12:51am
And there’s a whole display of seven candid portraits of Ana on a wall in the gallery.
That is so very not acceptable. I was willing to consider the possibility that the incident at the bar was plot-driven character assassination, but that’s crossed a line.
March 7 at 12:54am
And Christian bought all of the portraits because of course he did.
March 7 at 12:56am
Like, if he bought all of them and gave them to her to do with as he willed, that might be really sweet. Especially if they talked at all and she mentioned that it was invasive and she was shocked.
Buying them himself because “I don’t want some stranger ogling you in the privacy of their home” is just more controlling behavior made worse by the fact that they’re currently broken up.
March 7 at 12:59am
He’s threatening her again, too.
March 7 at 1:00am
“You look very relaxed in these photographs, Anastasia. I don’t see you like that very often.”
Then maybe you shouldn’t constantly threaten her and beat her and sexually assault her as punishment.
You know, just a thought.
March 7 at 1:00am
‘I want you that relaxed with me,’ he whispers.
See above.
March 7 at 1:01am
‘You have to stop intimidating me if you want that,’ I snap.
‘You have to learn to communicate and tell me how you feel,’ he snaps back, eyes blazing.
SHE HAS TOLD YOU SO MANY TIMES. GOD DAMN, WHAT WILL IT TAKE? HE IS SERIOUSLY PUTTING ALL THE BLAME ON HER AND SHE JUST LITERALLY TOLD HIM HOW SHE WAS FEELING.
March 7 at 1:02am
Reading these books is making me shout and cuss a lot.
March 7 at 1:03am
More than normal, I mean.
March 7 at 1:03am
You could go through and seriously edit the hell out of these books and come up with either a romance or a horror story.
And either one could be good. I mean, it needs a lot of work, but the pieces are there.
March 7 at 1:05am
She just spelled out how hard their relationship was on her and how she doesn’t fit into what he expected and how confusing and difficult it all was for her.
I mean, no ambiguity. She comes right out with it, and I admire what it takes to do that. I suffer from some kind of anger- or frustration-induced mutism. I’d stand there and want to say all that and none of it would come out.
So how does he react, immediately after demanding that she communicate (in response to very real communication, no less)?
He narrows his eyes. ‘Good point well made, as usual, Miss Steele.’ His voice is frigid. ‘Come, let’s go eat.’
There are communication problems here, and they are not Ana’s problems. She has way more flaws than being clumsy, but telling how she’s feeling is not one of them.
March 7 at 1:09am
‘We’ve only been here for half an hour.’
‘You’ve seen the photos; you’ve spoken to the boy.’
‘His name is Jose.’
Go, Ana.
I’m sure any minute now, she’s going to do something that will remind me she’s awful, but I’m mostly proud of her so far.
March 7 at 1:12am
Christian’s trying to shit on Jose, and Ana’s got a response:
‘He’s never hit me,’ I spit at him.
Christian scowls, fury emanating from every pore. ‘That’s a low blow, Anastasia,’ he whispers menacingly.
She’s afraid of him again, which is reasonable, because he’s awful.
He’s seriously going to drag her out and go make her eat something somewhere, and she asks if they can stay–which this whole trip was supposedly about going to this opening, but God forbid Christian not make it about himself–and he just straight up tells her no.
And, of course, if he hadn’t stolen her car, none of this would be happening.
March 7 at 1:15am
And he calls Jose ‘the boy’ again. For good measure, I guess.
March 7 at 1:15am
Ana goes to say goodbye to Jose and I was going to say something about letting him get away with the portraits, but nope, she says something.
Because, again, she’s not the one with a communication problem.
March 7 at 1:17am
She should have asked Jose if he could give her a ride to Seattle tomorrow.
March 7 at 1:18am
She does with Christian, and it’s part of that emotionally abusive dynamic. It’s so sad to watch.
March 7 at 1:19am
He drags her out, then:
He looks quickly up and down the street then heads left and suddenly sweeps me into a side alley, abruptly pushing me up against a wall. He grabs my face between his hands, forcing me to look up into his ardent, determined eyes.
Yell “FIRE,” Ana.
March 7 at 1:20am
They kiss and it’s explicitly described as violent, and Ana’s into it because if she weren’t, it would be more obvious how awful and wrong this is.
‘You. Are. Mine,” he snarls, emphasizing each word.
It’s a pity she’s not carrying mace, because this would be the perfect time to pull it out.
March 7 at 1:23am
And he just gave a speech about how he likes control, but around her it just evaporates.
Because it is absolutely her fault he can’t control himself. And he has to make sure she feels unique and special and important so she won’t leave him.
March 7 at 1:25am
You could have just taken a shot every time Christian bitched at her about needing to eat during that last chapter, and you’d be blasted by now.
March 7 at 1:26am
And without looking at a menu, Christian just ordered for the both of them, which I’m sure will endear him to the kitchen staff.
Also, if he wants Ana to eat so badly because he cares instead of because he’s controlling her, he’d maybe think about what she wants instead of what he wants.
March 7 at 1:27am
‘And if I don’t like steak?’
He sighs. ‘Don’t start, Anastasia.’
‘I am not a child, Christian.’
‘Well, stop acting like one.’
Christian is so unrepentantly horrible. They are currently broken up.
And this right here? Proof that he doesn’t give a single damn about her well being or her preferences or making her happy. He just needs to control her, with some nice gaslighting thrown in.
March 7 at 1:29am
Oh my gods, he accuses her of leading Jose on, even though their last conversation before she left for Seattle was about how sorry he was for being an ass at the bar and how she doesn’t feel that way about him, and at least they’re still friends.
That is so far from leading him on. But Christian accuses her of it, and she’s mortified with herself because she totally believes that’s what she did.
March 7 at 1:32am
He’s snapping at the waiter now. Christian Grey sucks.
March 7 at 1:32am
Ana, the last time we spoke, you left me. I’m a little nervous. I’ve told you I want you back, and you’ve said…nothing.
She’s been pretty clear about why she left, and he’s done absolutely nothing to address any of those concerns. Instead, he’s been jealous and controlling and threatening and he’s been gaslighting her over and over.
March 7 at 1:35am
‘You’re upset because of what happened last time. I behaved stupidly, and you…So did you. Why didn’t you safe-word, Anastasia?’ His tone changes, becomes accusatory.
My gods, he keeps getting worse.
March 7 at 1:36am
She forgot the safe word. Because she didn’t pick it, he picked it for her, and she’s inexperienced and he went way too far, way too fast.
And that’s why this is abuse masquerading as BDSM.
March 7 at 1:38am
Well, one of the reasons.
March 7 at 1:38am
‘You forgot!’ he gasps with horror, grabbing the sides of the table and glaring. I wither under his stare.
Shit! He’s furious again. My inner goddess glares at me, too. See, you brought all this on yourself!
‘How can I trust you?’ His voice is low. ‘Ever?’
;OPIADNASOIG KFGN AOIZ AKFGN AS;LIJGA;OISD VN
March 7 at 1:39am
‘I’m sorry,’ I whisper, suddenly feeling stupid. I left because I thought we were incompatible but he’s saying I could have stopped him?
‘Sorry for what?” he says alarmed.
‘Not using the safewod.’
He closes his eyes, as if in relief.
‘We might have avoided all this suffering,’ he mutters.
1) Take a shot.
2) The first book went out of its way to make her absurdly innocent. Christian has the experience here, and he’s supposed to be training her. And he mentioned going to clubs where he could train new subs, so he theoretically has experience in doing just that. So while Ana is an adult, even if he were a great teacher and she were a perfect study, the whole thing escalated so fast that it’s unreasonable to pin so much blame on her.
3) Christian barely went over safewords with her, he only barely ever touched on the real powers and responsibilities that go with being a sub, and he spent a lot of time answering her every concern with how she had to trust him to know her limits. He obviously didn’t because that’s not how it works and he’s a horrible teacher and a horrible Dom.
3) Spinning this conversation so she’s taking so much blame and apologizing is absolutely appalling.
March 7 at 1:47am
“You said you’d never leave, yet the going gets tough and you’re out the door.”
YOU LITERALLY BEAT HER.
‘When did I say I’d never leave?’
‘In your sleep. It was the most comforting thing I’d heard in so long, Anastasia. It made me relax.’
Promises made in your sleep are not legally binding. Jesus.
March 7 at 1:49am
“So help me God, Anastasia, if you don’t eat, I will take you across my knee here in this restaurant, and it will have nothing to do with my sexual gratification. Eat!”
So, if his sexual gratification is off the table, and if she’s made it super clear she doesn’t like being punished, that’s just honest-to-God beating to hurt.
And again, their relationship started three weeks ago and they’ve been broken up for five days and he’s already threatening to hurt her without even pretending it’s kinky.
I hope she vomits on him.
March 7 at 1:52am
She’s eaten half the plate of food. That’s after not eating anything but yogurt and a banana for five days. Eating too much too fast after going hungry that long can be harmful, and that’s a reasonable amount to eat. But she’s worried about how to negotiate her way out of the other half.
If Christian is actually concerned about her health, he’ll be happy she’s got some food in her. If he’s just a controlling ass, he’ll be difficult about it.
March 7 at 1:56am
He’s being kind of shitty, but he let it go. However, they’re driving back, so he’s going to have her trapped in the car for hours.
After this entire shit show, he’s not eligible to earn points.
March 7 at 1:57am
The restaurant they’re in is called Le Picotin, and all I can think about is labor-inducing drugs.
A Google search tells me there’s no such restaurant in Portland (which I’m not bitching about. Fictional restaurants are fine), but restaurants by that name do exist.
Of all the names in the world to pick, that’s a really weird one, though.
March 7 at 2:00am
Christian tells her he has a proposition. Her thoughts on this?
“What now? A couple of scenarios run through my mind: kidnapping, working for him.”
She went straight to kidnapping, and since he actually threatened that once, that’s not unreasonable.
So, basically, she needs to get the hell away from him.
March 7 at 2:01am
They get in the car and she gets busy describing him while she should be plotting escape routes.
March 7 at 2:02am
They’re having a conversation where Ana, again, lays out what she doesn’t like. Because she has to repeat it again because Christian does not respect her limits.
“Anastasia, I want to start again. Do the vanilla thing and then maybe, once you trust me more and I trust you to be honest and to communicate with me, we could move on and do some of the things that I like to do.”
1) They should have started with that.
2) She has communicated so much, oh my god.
3) Expecting her to trust him is so laughable.
March 7 at 2:09am
It occurs to me, finally, this is it.
He wants the light, but can I ask him to do this for me? And don’t I like the dark? Some dark, sometimes.
God damn it, Ana. This is how you end up in a series of trash bags along the freeway.
March 7 at 2:10am
‘And the rules?’
‘No rules.’
‘None at all? But you have needs.’
‘I need you more, Anastasia.’
Run, girl. It’s a trap.
March 7 at 2:11am
“I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul.”
That right there? That is not love. That is how you end up in a barrel in the basement so you can never, ever leave him and so no one else can have you.
March 7 at 2:12am
If that isn’t a declaration of love, I don’t know what is.
Oh, honey.
March 7 at 2:12am
“I love you, Christian Grey. And you’re prepared to do ll this for me. I’m the one who is undeserving, and I’m just sorry that I can’t do all those things for you. Maybe with time…I don’t know…but yes, I accept your proposition. Where do I sign?”
Oh, honey.
March 7 at 2:14am
And we’re back on the horrible childhood.
March 7 at 2:15am
“I think it was me who looked after her.”
You were four years old. Come on.
March 7 at 2:16am
In the last book, he called himself “Fifty Shades of Fucked Up.” Ana’s personal nickname for him since this has been Fifty Shades or Fifty.
He just referred to his childhood as fifty shades again.
I honestly wonder how he’d feel if he knew about his nickname.
March 7 at 2:18am
‘Anastasia, I am not going to touch you again, not until you beg me to.’
‘What!’
‘So that you’ll start communicating with me. Next time we make love, you’re going to have to tell me exactly what you want in fine detail.’
If that weren’t wrapped in some more gaslighting, that would actually be a good step.
March 7 at 2:20am
He just gave her a present, because of course he did, and she mentioned that her boss wants to get a drink, so of course he’s being a fuckwit about it.
March 7 at 2:23am
The box has the laptop, the BlackBerry, an an iPad with music on it that’s sending some kind of message, making it the most ridiculous way to send a mix tape in history.
Also, that’s pretty ballsy.
March 7 at 2:26am
She goes through the mix tape, and:
My tears start to flow. I can’t stem them. If this isn’t an apology, what is it?
This might actually be really sweet if Christian weren’t a creepy motherfucker.
March 7 at 2:30am
I like him like this–commanding–as long as I can stand up to him without fear of punishment.
See, if Christian were like that from the beginning, this might have been a romance.
March 7 at 2:32am
“Spanking occurs in vanilla relationships, too, you know. Usually consensually and in a sexual context..but I am more than happy to make an exception.”
God damn it, Christian. It’s been what, an hour since you dropped her off?
March 7 at 2:33am
“Well, since you ask so nicely, and I like your delicious threat…”
God damn it, Ana.
March 7 at 2:34am
“I am brimming with joy, a stupid, widemouthed grin on my face. What a difference a day can make.”
I’ve seen a statistic somewhere about how many times an abused partner leaves on average before actually escaping. If it weren’t so late, I’d look it up.
This book is absolutely terrifying because of how perfectly it’s following the classic patterns of abuse.
March 7 at 2:36am
[Snip some conversation with my friends wherein I threaten to set my hair on fire and run into traffic in order to avoid reading more of this book, which lead to this:]
My feelings on that are so mixed. I mean, it made a bajillion dollars and has a movie. There’s obviously something there.
And the writing is bad, but it’s…it’s first draft bad. It’s ‘some editing, a revision or two, and some proofreading will fix it right up’ bad, which isn’t BADbad, it’s normal part of the writing process bad. The style is actually pretty easy to read, and there are some clever things about it that, with some polish, could really shine.
And it kind of makes me want to hold it up and say, “If you have a friend you know is being mistreated, and she keeps going back to him, and you’re so frustrated, but you read this and you think it’s romantic and Christian is the perfect romantic hero…then there but for the grace of God go you. Be patient. Be there for her.”
March 7 at 11:18am
‘Good morning, Ana. You look…radiant.’ His remark flusters me. How inappropriate!
I’m pretty sure the boss is being set up to sexually harass Ana, but she started her job on her first day post-breakup, during which time she didn’t eat and was dramatically overwrought and angsty. She just walked in with “the most ludicrous grin on [her] face,” so saying something isn’t really just terribly inappropriate.
And considering the last chapter, I just…
Damn it, Ana.
March 7 at 11:31am
Yeah, the rest of their exchange is 100% professional. It might be the kind of thing that later makes you go, “Yeah, there were some subtle signs at the beginning,” but we haven’t sailed off into inappropriate yet.
March 7 at 11:35am
There’s an email from Christian and the first thing it says is about food.
March 7 at 11:36am
This email exchange is happening on her work email. That is inappropriate.
March 7 at 11:37am
Christian offering her a job is wildly inappropriate.
March 7 at 11:38am
And Christian pointed out that her emails are monitored, which…it’s 2011. Get with it.
So she deletes them, which…too little, too late, Ana.
March 7 at 11:39am
Also, Christian’s the one who both started it and went sailing off into inappropriate talk, so.
March 7 at 11:39am
And that drink her boss invited her to? Apparently most of the employees go there on Friday evenings, so it’s not even like he’s necessarily angling it as a date.
March 7 at 11:51am
I mean, he’s going to turn out to be the worst, because look at what I’m reading. But still, the work going into making him the worst is absurd.
March 7 at 11:51am
She’s planning to use the money from selling her car on buying it back.
That’s why him buying her a car and bullying her into letting him sell it was not ok.
March 7 at 11:53am
And we meet the ex of Christian’s who’s going to be stalking Ana or whatever. And it’s so sad. And considering how Ana’s been acting the last five days, it’s even sadder.
March 7 at 11:56am
And lots of her coworkers are in the bar hanging out, so her boss’ invitation wasn’t a trick to get her alone or something.
I know putting any energy at all into defending him is wasted, but still.
March 7 at 11:58am
And he hands her a beer, they say cheers, and he goes straight back to the conversation he’s having. So he’s not acting like a creeper so far.
And one of her coworkers tells her she seems happier today, so she immediately asks about her plans not because she gives a damn, but because Ana doesn’t want to talk about herself. She calls it her ‘patented distraction technique.’
March 7 at 12:00pm
Jack’s standing too close, but he does that to everyone, including in the office. There are several guys in my office who have no sense of personal space and I’ll admit it bugs the shit out of me.
And he’s gotten even closer and trapped her at the bar, so we’ve landed in ‘not ok’ territory.
March 7 at 12:03pm
And Christian just walked up and peed on her leg.
March 7 at 12:04pm
Well, he put an arm over her shoulders, but in this case, it’s the same thing.
March 7 at 12:04pm
‘Jack, this is Christian,’ I mumble apologetically. Why am I apologizing?
1) Take a shot.
2) Because Christian did a shit job training you as a submissive, but only because he’s actually been grooming you as a victim, that’s why.
March 7 at 12:05pm
Why is this so uncomfortable?
Because Christian is jealous and possessive and you are not allowed to interact with other men on any terms at all, which is not healthy.
March 7 at 12:07pm
Why did that feel like a pissing contest?
Same reason your leg feels wet.
March 7 at 12:08pm
“Because it was.”
I’d say at least Christian admits it, but there’s no way he’s taking any responsibility.
March 7 at 12:09pm
Christian straight up says her boss wants in her panties. Never mind that they have apparently not encountered a single lesbian or woman who’s type isn’t Christian Grey, because every single one has been drooling over him so far.
March 7 at 12:11pm
“‘Well, he can want all he likes…why are we even having this conversation? You know I have no interest in him whatsoever. He’s just my boss.”
“That’s the point. He wants what’s mine. I need to know if he’s good at his job.”
OH MY FUCKING GOD, BACK THE FUCK OFF.
March 7 at 12:12pm
“Well, he’d better leave you alone, or he’ll find himself on his ass on the sidewalk.”
See above.
March 7 at 12:13pm
“‘You’re buying the company,’ I whisper in horror.”
In horror.
Because that is inappropriate at best.
March 7 at 12:14pm
He already bought the company. Does that even happen that fast? She started the job a week ago.
March 7 at 12:15pm
‘Why?’ I gasp, appalled. Oh, this just is too much.
‘Because I can, Anastasia. I need you safe.’
Oh my fucking Gods. Not cute. Not romantic. Not protective. Invasive, intrusive, possessive, controlling.
And they’ve known each other for a month so far.
But I bet the stalker ex gets framed as just some crazy bitch.
March 7 at 12:17pm
They’ve been back together for a day and they’re fighting because Christian does not understand boundaries.
“I mean, what kind of responsible business executive makes decisions based on who he is currently fucking?”
That is 100% fair. I don’t care how rich he is, that’s absurd.
March 7 at 12:19pm
“And, technically, it’s gross moral turpitude–the fact that I am fucking my boss’s boss’s boss.”
“At the moment, you’re arguing with him.” Christian scowls.
“That’s because he’s such an ass,” I hiss.
There are moments here and there when I kind of love Ana.
March 7 at 12:21pm
And he smiles and they’re all giggly at each other now.
‘Just because I have a stupid damn grin on my face doesn’t mean I’m not mad as hell at you,’ I mutter breathlessly, trying to suppress my high-school-cheerleader giggling. Though I was never cheerleader–the bitter thought crosses my mind.
…Really?
God damn it, Ana.
March 7 at 12:24pm
‘As ever, Miss Steele, you are unexpected.’ He leans back gazing at me, his eyes dancing with humor. ‘So are you going to invite me in, or am I to be sent packing for exercising my democratic right as an American citizen, entrepreneur, and consumer to purchase whatever I damn well please?’
AOI;AWNAQOB AOIFG;IA B;IAFJ
March 7 at 12:25pm
Actually, I’m going to expand on my outraged keyboard smashing.
Ana just graduated from college. She immediately landed an internship in her field. That’s awesome. Her career is just beginning.
And where the fuck is it supposed to go if Christian buys the company so he’s her boss and immediately starts marking his territory in public? It’s wildly unfair because Ana legitimately earned that internship, but our culture is completely fucked up, so even though she had nothing to do with this decision, there’s a huge chance every step forward in her career with this company (and potentially anywhere else she may go) will be tarnished with ‘sleeping her way to the top’ or some shit.
He said he wouldn’t interfere in her career. But he’s potentially nipped it the bud. The smallest part of what’s horribly wrong with that is that it’s breaking a promise.
March 7 at 12:29pm
What can I do? Why does he have this need to keep me safe?
He is not keeping you safe, except in the way that he’d put a collectable under a glass dome to preserve it. It’s not protection, it’s ownership, and it’s gross.
March 7 at 12:31pm
“I am a grown-up–sort of–for heaven’s sake.”
You are 21 years old. You have graduated from college. You have a job in your field of choice. I know that’s scary. I’m in my early 30s and I’m not doing as well as well as Ana (in a professional sense, not a personal sense, because damn), and I still feel the whole ‘not really a grown-up yet’ thing, but…
Honey, you are grown up.
March 7 at 12:33pm
He’s trying to get her to ask for sex.
She backs away from him until she runs into the kitchen island, so literally until she runs out of room.
This is creepy and I’m sad.
March 7 at 12:35pm
She’s already backing off on being mad at him.
God damn it.
March 7 at 12:35pm
‘Would you like something to eat?’ I ask.
He nods slowly. ‘Yes. You,’ he murmurs.
This is why I don’t think his food preoccupation has anything at all to do with her well being. If she brings up food voluntarily, he’s not into it. It’s only if he, right then, wants her to eat.
And she’s just had four or more beers on an empty stomach (though she had a sandwich for lunch, so at least it’s an empty stomach, not a ‘haven’t eaten in days’ empty stomach).
Basically, fuck Christian Grey.
March 7 at 12:38pm
But she did remind him of food, so he can’t let repeating a conversation they’ve had 5,000 times pass by.
March 7 at 12:40pm
He is trying to get her to have sex right now, and he’s being a controlling ass about it under the guise of letting her be in charge, but she absolutely cannot touch him.
I kind of don’t want to be too hard about that because it’s his trauma, and that’s one of the few things that’s potentially reasonable, but the way his trauma gets used for manipulation isn’t reasonable.
March 7 at 12:45pm
And she hasn’t been taking her birth control, so he’s pissed and now they’re going to dinner instead.
“I thought we were going to bed! I want to go to bed with you.”
Oh, silly Ana. Don’t you know that what you want only matters if it’s also exactly what Christian wants right this moment?
March 7 at 12:46pm
‘Besides…anticipation is the key to seduction, and right now, I’m really into delayed gratification.’
Huh, since when?
‘I’m seduced and I want my gratification now. I’ll beg, please.’ I sound whiny.
He smiles at me tenderly. ‘Eat. You’re too slender.’ He kisses my forehead and releases me.
See? Doesn’t matter what Ana wants. It’s completely about Christian being in charge and what he wants.
March 7 at 12:50pm
“You are one angry little madam, aren’t you? You’ll feel better after a good meal.”
This is how you end up being the crazy ex while he stands around going, “Damn, bitches be crazy, huh? What is it with women?”
March 7 at 12:50pm
“As Christian and I gaze at each other–me hot, bothered and yearning and him, relaxed and amused at my expense.”
See above.
March 7 at 12:52pm
He is pissed a her now because there’s no food in the apartment. Which, seriously, she lives in Pike Place Market. There is no shortage of food at her doorstep.
March 7 at 12:52pm
…They went to a supermarket.
That’s only acceptable if it’s after 7.
March 7 at 12:53pm
‘It was you who left me,’ he mutters disapprovingly.
1) Take a shot.
2) BECAUSE YOU BEAT HER RIGHT AFTER SHE TOLD YOU HOW MUCH SHE HATED BEING BEATEN YOU STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE, TAKE SOME GOD DAMNED RESPONSIBILITY, OH MY GOD.
March 7 at 12:55pm
She lives in Pike Place Market and went to a supermarket to get ingredients for stir fry.
March 7 at 12:56pm
Two women coming in stop and stare. Oh yes, eye my Fifty Shades, I think despondently.
Or you could go pee on his leg.
March 7 at 12:57pm
The fear that I’d always felt in his presence has gone.
1) You were just afraid of him in the grocery store, so it hasn’t been gone for long.
2) That is not a sentence that should exist in relation to a romantic relationship. Period.
March 7 at 12:59pm
‘Can I help you with that?’ he asks.
‘No, it’s fine…sit.’
‘I’d like to help.’ His expression is sincere.
‘You can chop the vegetables.’
‘I don’t cook,’ he says, regarding the knife I hand him with suspicion.
1) Obviously not that sincere.
2) Oh my gods, then get out of the kitchen and sit the fuck down.
I used to have a noose hanging in my kitchen. When people came in and asked if they could help, I’d point at the noose.
March 7 at 1:03pm
The flirty touching while they’re in the kitchen would be super cute.
Christian, as usual, ruins it.
March 7 at 1:05pm
They’re getting ready to have sex and she’s feeling so powerful and I really wish that weren’t an illusion, because then this book would be way less gross.
March 7 at 9:18pm
Also, a grown woman can’t say vagina or any other euphemisms for that part of her own body. Even in the narration, it’s always ‘down there.’ When she wants Christian to eat her out, she can’t even say that. She just points.
I don’t even know how to react to that.
March 7 at 9:20pm
And the bit where she’s in charge is over when she asks him to have sex with her and he’s all, “But I’m still dressed.” So she tries to undress him and he stops her.
Because it’s still his game and he’s still in charge.
March 7 at 9:22pm
I’m honestly not sure if being a blowjob savant is a woman’s fantasy or a man’s fantasy.
Either way, it’s pretty weird for a women who can’t even think the word ‘penis.’
March 7 at 9:23pm
‘Please what?’ he murmurs between my breasts. ‘I want you inside me.’
Missing that paragraph break really creates a wealth of new bedroom possibilities for those two.
March 7 at 9:28pm
I’ve always associated “quickening” with pregnancy, so it’s really weird seeing it over and over again in relation to Ana having orgasms.
March 7 at 9:29pm
Immediately post-coitus, Christian asks Ana to never leave him again, and of course she says she won’t, because what else are you supposed to say immediately in the afterglow?
I keep thinking about that beating at the end of the last book, and about Secretary. Lee was surprised and weirded out when Edward spanked her…but she got into it. And after that, she’d do things like deliberately leave typos so she’d get punished. That is why that relationship worked, and if you ended that movie and didn’t think Lee was completely in charge, you weren’t paying attention.
There can sometimes be a really fine line in these kinds of relationships and accidents can be made…but Christian never even saw that line in the rear view.
March 7 at 9:42pm
And more moments together that could be really cute and sweet in a different story.
March 7 at 9:44pm
And I got to the chilled white Pinot Grigio, which is another one of those things that just some cursory editing could have fixed.
March 7 at 9:45pm
Is ‘just-fucked hair’ on the drinking game? I don’t remember. It should be either way.
March 7 at 9:46pm
‘I want to take care of you.’ His eyes glow with some unnamed emotion.
My heart spikes.
‘I’ve noticed,’ I whisper. ‘You just go about it in a strange way.’
Once again, Ana’s perfectly good about speaking up.
March 7 at 9:48pm
He smiles. ‘I know, but you being mad, baby, wouldn’t stop me.’
They’re talking about how he bought the place where she works and is not technically her boss, which is just so wildly inappropriate. And that’s his response.
There’s an enormous communication problem, yeah, but it’s not on Ana’s end.
March 7 at 9:50pm
He’s telling her not to tell anyone that he’s their new boss because the news is being kept undercover while the management makes some changes. Ana’s worried she’ll be out of a job and Christian is all smirky about how she doesn’t need to worry about that.
If she goes from intern to something bigger in less than a month because her boyfriend bought the company, that’ll tank her career. She’ll be stuck at that same publishing house, and if they do break up for real (which they should), what’s supposed to happen to her then?
We know the answer to that already. Ana ran into her on the street and ended up nicknaming her Ghost Girl.
But, you know, she’s probably just crazy.
March 7 at 9:56pm
If I had only gone to the next page.
I scowl. ‘If I leave and find another job, will you buy that company, too?’
‘You’re not thinking of leaving, are you?’ His expression alters, wary once more.
‘Possibly. I’m not sure you’ve given me a great deal of choice.’
‘Yes, I will buy that company, too.’ He is adamant.
How is that romantic? Ana, you’ve seen your future. Maybe it’s time to change your name and move to New York.
March 7 at 9:58pm
And he threatens to put her over his knee, which is not cool.
Fucking Christian Grey.
March 7 at 10:00pm
And Ana really does need to do her research. Then she could get her own ben wa balls and she wouldn’t need Christian.
March 7 at 10:02pm
Hahahaha, I went to Amazon to price them so I could joke about how cheap his replacement would be, and I found this.
I cracked up about the ‘as used in Fifty Shades’ bit in the name, but that’s not quite as good as the warning about them being a choking hazard and not intended for children under 3.
March 7 at 10:03pm
Considering they haven’t used lube yet because Ana is apparently supernaturally gifted in that department, it’s kind of hilarious that there’s branded lube available.
March 7 at 10:08pm
He says he needs to tie her up and she’s fine with that and he specifies where and how and she’s fine with that, too, and if they’d been playing like this all along, I probably wouldn’t be doing so much horrified screaming.
March 7 at 10:08pm
My room is shrouded in darkness except for the soft, insipid light from my lamp.
Of all the things in this book that are insipid, I’m confident the lamp isn’t one of them.
Also, that’s just a terrible word choice for this scene.
March 7 at 10:10pm
Normally I hate energy-saving bulbs–they are so dim–but being naked here, with Christian, I’m grateful for the muted light.
I…wait…we interrupt this sex scene to bring you some prattling about light bulbs? Really?
March 7 at 10:11pm
I was going to say something snotty about Ana just happening to have the perfect headboard for bondage, but so do I, so maybe I should just shut up now.
March 7 at 10:13pm
I haven’t been copying down most of the inner goddess antics, but that whole thing remains completely batshit.
My inner goddess is doing a triple axel dismount off the uneven bars, and abruptly my mouth is dry.
March 7 at 10:14pm
He’s feeding her ice cream out of his own mouth.
I seriously cannot get with the whole spitting thing they have going on.
March 7 at 10:17pm
He just filled her belly button with ice cream. She’s into it, so that’s fine, but that’s still just…sticky.
March 7 at 10:18pm
Melted ice cream has run off of her and onto the sheets.
This is how you get ants.
March 7 at 10:19pm
He trails the ice cream farther down my body, into my pubic hair, on to my clitoris.
This is how you get a yeast infection.
March 7 at 10:20pm
(Also, [sic] on “on to.”)
March 7 at 10:20pm
“I am lying curled up in his arms on sticky sheets.”
I’m weirdly glad I washed all my linens today.
March 7 at 10:24pm
Christian invites her to a family thing, and she’s worried because she doesn’t have anything to wear (even though she already robbed Kate’s closet once in her absence), and Christian tells her not to be mad because he still has all the clothes he bought for her.
He wouldn’t have had to deal with getting rid of them himself or anything because he has people for that, but they were broken up for less than week. Ana was sleeping with a helicopter balloon he gave her under her pillow. Hanging onto the clothes isn’t terribly unreasonable.
March 7 at 10:30pm
Ana’s subconscious (the real one, not whatever delusion is traipsing around her mental landscape in half-moon specs) is so transparent.
She just had a nightmare where she ran into her future self, then they recited an Emily Dickinson poem together.
She knows she needs to get the hell away from Christian. She just needs to listen to her gut.
March 7 at 10:33pm
My anxiety level has shot to DEFCON 1.
I am stunned she got that right.
March 7 at 10:36pm
‘What is it?’ I ask softly.
He shakes his head.
‘You’re not going to tell me?’
He sighs and closes his eyes. ‘No.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it shouldn’t concern you. I don’t want you tangled up in this.’
This is a thing that happens in books and movies all the time and it’s so stupid I want to scream and hit things. Ana was officially tangled up in this the moment Leila turned up outside her work. Leaving her in the dark is not protecting her or anything.
I think it’s meant to build tension, or in this case it’s just because Christian is an ass who doesn’t want to tell Ana anything, but it’s a stupid, horrible trope and it should die a fiery death.
March 7 at 10:38pm
She just made all the right points about why she should tell him and he seriously rolled his eyes at her and is generally being a petulant little brat about it.
March 7 at 10:39pm
Leila showed up at his apartment and cut her wrist.
The shrink who saw her called it a typical cry for help. He didn’t believe her to be truly at risk–one step from suicidal ideation, he called it. But I’m not convinced. I’ve been trying to track her down since then to get her some help.
I hate everyone in this book, but right now, I hate the psychiatrist/psychologist/whatever who saw her the most. You know what a cry for help means?
That someone needs some fucking help.
March 7 at 10:42pm
So Leila wants back into Christian’s life and chooses a suicide attempt to attract his attention? Whoa…scary. But effective. Christian left Georgia to be at her side but she disappears before he gets there? How odd.
Or maybe she wanted to get revenge and ruin his rug in the process.
Or maybe he bought her place of employment and ruined her career before dumping her and she’s hit rock bottom now.
Or maybe she just needs some fucking help.
March 7 at 10:45pm
She ran out on her husband four months ago, but Christian seriously thinks this has something to do with Ana. Who he met a month ago.
Give me a fucking break.
March 7 at 10:47pm
Also, if he suspects it has something to do with her, then it does concern her and she is tangled up in it and he should have told her about it before she ever met Leila.
March 7 at 10:47pm
And seriously, calling Christian Fifty Shades and Fifty is so deeply wrong since it came from his ‘Fifty Shades of Fucked Up’ remark.
March 7 at 10:48pm
And he distracts her with sex again because he doesn’t want to talk about it.
March 7 at 10:49pm
He captures my hand, narrows his eyes, then smiles a brilliant Christian-at-ease smile, and I relax.
That is so sad.
March 7 at 10:50pm
Why would I need a personal trainer? I have you to keep me fit.
They threw out the contract, and she never did sign it. But he wanted her working out with a trainer four times a week and she talked him down to three, and I am 100% for her saying she doesn’t want one and not having one, but they for real talked about this. She knows good and fucking well what she’d need a personal trainer for.
March 7 at 10:53pm
They literally just repeated the exact same conversation they had about the personal trainer in the last book. If I had physical copies, I’d pull it out and compare, but I don’t have enough energy to screw around with that on my Kindle.
March 7 at 10:54pm
He has the car he gave her there. He had it dropped off the previous day. So she tries to give him the check with the money from selling her car so she can buy it from him.
His expression changes completely. Fury–yes, fury–sweeps across his face.
This is not a situation where fury is appropriate.
March 7 at 10:59pm
She tore up the check, and since it was from his account, that’s meant to make sure the money stays right there.
I was going to say the money would probably just show up in her account later, but nope. He went straight to the phone and arranged a direct deposit into her account.
Because of course he has that information.
March 7 at 11:01pm
And she yells at him about knowing her account number, which is also perfectly reasonable.
Also, the deposit amount is $24K. She never said how much the check was for, but based on her reaction, it wasn’t that much.
March 7 at 11:02pm
They’re arguing about the amount of money because her car wasn’t worth that and that can’t be how much he sold it for and he’s doing this blather about markets and knowing how to buy and sell and whatever and she just tore up that check. Did she seriously never even look at the amount?
March 7 at 11:03pm
They do the ‘I’m so angry at you I have to grab you and we’re going to have hot sex” thing that you see in movies sometimes, and it’s really dumb, but I guess it’s a trope for a reason.
March 7 at 11:04pm
They’ve just made out and can’t have sex because he’s out of condoms.
He shakes his head. ‘Come. Let’s go out for breakfast. And I know a place you can get your hair cut.’
‘Okay,’ I acquiesce and just like that, our fight is over.
The fight might be over, but the problems underlying it are unresolved. It’s like breaking a lamp and deciding to just step over the pieces instead of cleaning it up.
March 7 at 11:07pm
‘Where are we going?’
‘Surprise.’
Oh, okay. I don’t like surprises.
Big fucking surprise, there’s something else Ana doesn’t like.
(Also: sigh)
March 7 at 11:09pm
They walk into a beauty salon and Christian knows the lady at the desk and Ana can’t figure out how that’s possible, but he said he knew a place she could get her hair cut so maybe, just maybe, he’s been there before?
Ana can be so fucking dumb.
March 7 at 11:14pm
She’s mad at him because he’s introducing his rules by stealth except for the part where he specifically says that Ana will tell them what she wants and she’s the one who said she wanted a hair cut to start with. He offered to show her a place and is it really that shocking it’s a place his other subs have been? That doesn’t mean they aren’t good at cutting hair.
Of course he also owns the place and several others, which is weird, but whatever. He’s not (yet) dictating her haircut or anything, so bringing her to a place he owns and presumably trusts the stylists is one of those few things that isn’t weird or gross or overbearing or controlling or whatever.
It could be and I wouldn’t be surprised if it ends up being by the end of the scene, but as of right now: this is perfectly fine.
March 7 at 11:18pm
A woman has walked in and Ana is convinced it’s his molester, and she’ll probably be right because she and Christian are both psychics and I hate this book so much.
March 7 at 11:21pm
I feel both like Ana’s jealousy over his molester is both not unreasonable and somewhat misdirected.
Christian immediately offering to have the stylist come to her apartment or his is one of those things that oversteps bounds. She’s upset, she wants to go to a beauty salon, it wouldn’t hurt if he’d just back off this time.
March 7 at 11:26pm
She just described Christian as “a man who has no concept of privacy under US law.”
Listen to your gut already, girl.
March 7 at 11:27pm
“Leila left her husband about three months ago and ran off with a guy who was killed in a car accident four weeks ago.”
So, no, whatever’s going on with Leila has nothing to do with Ana, other than some wrong time/wrong place stuff.
March 7 at 11:30pm
‘I don’t want to go to your place. I want to get my hair cut!’ I shout. If I can just focus on this one thing…
He grabs his BlackBerry from his pocket again and dials a number. ‘Greta, Christian Grey. I want Franco at my place in an hour. Ask Mrs. Lincoln…Good.” He puts his phone away. ‘He’s coming at once.’
No. Back the fuck off, dude.
March 7 at 11:31pm
“Anastasia, Leila is obviously suffering a psychotic break. I don’t know if it’s you or me she’s after, or what lengths she’s prepared to go to. We’ll go to your place, pick up your things, and you can stay with me until we’ve tracked her down.”
Sigh.
(I’m sure this is really supposed to be Christian being heroic and in charge, but it’s using the situation to further control Ana and it’s gross where it wouldn’t be in a different book.)
March 7 at 11:34pm
He glares at me. ‘You are coming back to my apartment if I have to drag you there by your hair.’
There are couples who can make teasing, overblown threats to each other like that and it’s fine.
These two are not one of those couples.
March 7 at 11:35pm
He throws her over his shoulder and spanks her. In public.
That was not BDSM or a Dom/sub thing. That wasn’t a sex thing. That was straight up control and assault.
March 7 at 11:37pm
She’s composing a mental list of things he’s done wrong and includes:
5. Having crazy ex-girlfriends. Can I blame him for that? I am so furious; yes, I can.
My feelings are so deeply mixed I don’t even know where to start.
But seriously, that list? It is a list that should be titled, “Run, Girl.”
March 7 at 11:42pm
“She managed to obtain a concealed weapons permit yesterday.”
Now, I’ve done that. In my state, not Washington, but still. It is not a fast process. She’d have had to start it well before Ana was in the picture, and depending on how many applications they’re getting in the state, possibly before she left her husband. Definitely before the car accident and mental break.
So I really have no idea how to feel about all that.
Also, I mean…not having a concealed weapons permit doesn’t stop you from being able to carry a gun. It just means that if you’re doing something innocent and it’s found, you won’t be in trouble for having it.
And it does not stop you from getting in trouble if you do something illegal with it.
March 7 at 11:50pm
Basically, dangerous stalkers don’t usually care about having a permit.
March 7 at 11:50pm
‘That means she can just buy a gun,’ I whisper.
I mean, it is easier to get a gun that way, but it’s not that hard to get one if you want one badly enough.
March 7 at 11:52pm
And that news makes her stop being angry about everything that just happened because now his life is in danger.
How convenient for Christian.
March 7 at 11:52pm
Kate’s brother is going to stay in their apartment. Her brother, who Ana is not interested in at all. Christian is being a jealous ass about it minutes after taking her to a salon owned by his molester where he has previously taken some of his subs.
The jealously is petty and stupid anyway, but the hypocrisy is blinding.
March 7 at 11:54pm
And after pitching such a fit about Ana taking that car he gave her…he’s not going to let her drive.
March 7 at 11:55pm
She just called him “Christian Mindfuck Grey.”
For serious. Get out now.
March 7 at 11:57pm
OK, Christian just asked if she’s still mad and she said, “Very.”
Good.
March 7 at 11:58pm
And she’s calling her mom in distress again. If you have to call your mom twice and fly across the country to see her once because you have to process stuff about your lover of three weeks…get out.
March 8 at 12:07am
Oh, someone else has problems. I’m not the only one.
And Ana’s the worst again.
March 8 at 12:08am
He just called Ana “one frustrating female.”
I know making female into a noun is a personal button and all, but still. Here comes Christian Grey, back to reclaim the title of The Worst within a page.
March 8 at 12:09am
“I am used to women doing exactly what I say, when I say, doing exactly what I want. It gets old quickly.”
I just…seriously?
March 8 at 12:11am
“There’s something about you, Anastasia, which calls to me on some deep level I don’t understand. It’s a siren’s call. I can’t resist you, and I don’t want to lose you.”
Right there. That’s the fantasy that drives all of this fuckery in three sentences.
March 8 at 12:12am
Of course the hairdresser is a big flaming stereotype.
I did actually once meet a hairdresser who was a walking stereotype. I was in college and active with the LGBT group on campus, and it floored me to run into a guy who was every one of those stereotypes right there on the sidewalk, squealing about my blue hair that had turned green and how oh my god, this poor baby looked like a seaweed! So, you know, I get it. Stereotypes do come from somewhere.
But in our fiction, we deserve a little more than this over and over again.
But what do I expect? This is a shitty, badly edited book.
March 8 at 12:16am
‘Are you still mad at me?’
I nod and he smiles.
‘What precisely are you mad at me about?’
I roll my eyes. ‘You want the list?’
‘There’s a list?’
‘A long one.’
‘Can we discuss it in bed?’
Sigh.
March 8 at 12:18am
“What’s bothering me? Well, there’s your gross invasion of my privacy, the fact that you took me to some place where your ex-mistress works and you used to take all your lover to have their bits waxed, you manhandled me in the street like I was six years old–and to cap it all, you let your Mrs. Robinson touch you!”
I’m not sure the order I’d have put it in. Also, she doesn’t work at the place, she owns it. But again, look at that: Ana straight up told him what was going on with her.
March 8 at 12:20am
Christian has the whole thing about being touched, and he’s been like that this whole time, and while it’s really shitty to not talk even a little–or to outline where it’s allowed at the very least, which would make life less stressful for both of them–it’s way more shitty for Ana to keep pushing so hard.
I mean:
‘Hard limit,’ he whispers, a pained, panicked look on his face.
If he’s going to be so shitty about how Ana needs to communicate when she totally does, he owes her as much as he can give her about the touching thing. And that bare minimum needs to be where he can and cannot be touched so she knows and (if she’s not a shitty person, which let’s face it, she is) can avoid those places.
March 8 at 12:24am
“I do background checks on all my submissives.”
I…I don’t think background checks include your God damned bank account numbers.
March 8 at 12:25am
He has an actual manilla folder of her personal information. That is so unacceptable.
March 8 at 12:26am
He has a copy of my birth certificate, for heaven’s sake, my hard limits, the non-disclosure agreement, the contract–Jeez–my Social Security number, resume, employment records.
There are three things in that folder that are acceptable, and one of them got a “jeez.”
March 8 at 12:27am
She only just realized that him showing up at the hardware store where she worked wasn’t a coincidence? Ana is so fucking stupid.
Also, this means he had all this info on her before she was his submissive. Before any kind of a relationship was even on the table.
March 8 at 12:29am
“I don’t know whether to be angry or flattered.”
Oh my fucking God, Ana.
March 8 at 12:29am
“I don’t misuse the information.”
STALKING IS A MISUSE OF THE INFORMATION, YOU ARE CURRENTLY BEING STALKED, YOU’D THINK THAT WOULD GIVE YOU SOME PERSPECTIVE, YOU PRICK.
March 8 at 12:31am
Literally one sentence later:
“To have control–I need information.”
USING THAT INFORMATION TO GET YOUR JOLLIES AND TO CONTROL HER IS MISUSING IT, OH MY GOD.
March 8 at 12:32am
And Ana calls him on it right away.
If he guilts and gaslights and manipulates her into being ok with this, I’m going to break something.
March 8 at 12:33am
He stares at me blankly, and there it is, his problem in a nutshell–empathy or the lack thereof.
You are describing him like he’s a sociopath. You know this is going to end badly.
March 8 at 12:35am
My heart swells. This is it, the crux of his Fifty Shades, surely. He can’t put himself in my shoes. Well, now I know.
And now you should get out before you end up under the foundation of his next business venture.
March 8 at 12:36am
‘It doesn’t feel great. I mean, you’re very generous, but it makes me uncomfortable. I have told you this enough times.’
He sighs. ‘I want to give you the world, Anastasia.’
‘I just want you, Christian. Not all the add-ons.’
‘They’re part of the deal. Part of what I am.’
I know the whole fabulously wealthy thing is supposed to be part of the fantasy, but this right here? It’s not generosity. It’s not caring about her or taking care of her. It’s hearing clearly that she’s uncomfortable and not respecting her at all.
March 8 at 12:38am
His submissives cook for him on weekends, because of course they do.
And look, I love cooking, and one of my greatest pleasures is cooking for people I care about. But he’s using them on the weekends because his housekeeper needs days off and that’s just…gross.
March 8 at 12:40am
‘Whatever Madam can find,’ he says darkly.
She asked what he wanted to eat. That was his response. He’s like that a lot, where it’s completely inappropriate to be all dark or brooding or menacing or whatever, and changing or leaving those things out would alter the entire tone of the book.
March 8 at 12:42am
Ana just searched through Christian’s iPod to find songs that might have been put on there by his stalker–three years ago, so what, he never updates the thing?–and puts on loudly on repeat.
Ana sucks.
March 8 at 12:43am
I don’t feel like we really need a Spanish omelet recipe in the middle of this story.
March 8 at 12:44am
No empathy, I muse. Is this unique to Christian? Maybe all men are like this, baffled by women. I just don’t know. Perhaps it’s not such a revelation.
I really didn’t think there’d be something more insulting to all men than the whole thing about men being simple creatures, but here we are.
March 8 at 12:45am
Kate and Elliot met the same night Ana got whisked away by Christian.
I wonder if it’s still lust at first sight for them.
Oh, they’re just in lust, but Ana’s in love.
Jesus, she’s easy to hate.
March 8 at 12:47am
‘I’m still mad at you.’
He frowns. ‘How long are you going to keep this up?’ he asks, dragging a hand through his hair.’
Until you listen, process, understand, and do anything at all to make up for what you’ve done instead of just shrugging off all her concerns like they’re no big deal?
I shrug. ‘At least until I’ve eaten.’
God damn it, Ana.
March 8 at 12:50am
He’s trying to manipulate her with sex again.
“I need to know that we’re okay. It’s the only way I know how.”
Try harder. There are some suggestions above.
March 8 at 12:52am
“I’m not going to touch you until you say yes.”
The consent stuff in these books is so upsetting. And Christian uses it to manipulate her, to make her feel powerful and in control, instead of because he actually respects her.
March 8 at 12:54am
“I need to keep a clear head around you, Grey.”
If you’re having thoughts like that about your lover, then you need a new lover.
March 8 at 12:56am
He’s like several different people in one body. Isn’t that a symptom of schizophrenia? I must Google that.
Oh my God, no.
March 8 at 12:59am
She for real Googled multiple personality disorder when she really ought to be looking into women’s shelters and how to get a new name and Social Security number.
Although she probably shouldn’t be doing that on the computer he gave her, on his home network.
March 8 at 1:03am
He came in with a tube of lipstick to mark out his no-go areas. He is not allowed to get points, if only because he’s not likely to keep them for a whole page, but this is still good.
March 8 at 1:05am
Of course Ana also hates tattoos.
March 8 at 1:05am
The whole boundaries-mapping thing should have happened sooner, but it was actually a very sweet scene. I’m going to stop reading for the night there.
March 8 at 1:09am
“You have no idea how attractive you are, do you?”
One of the really fucked up things about our culture is that you are absolutely expected to conform to this narrow definition of beauty, and if you do, you are not allowed to acknowledge it. You can’t actually say something like, “Yes, I was fortunate enough to be born with the currently desired bone structure, and through work or happy accident with my genes, I am the acceptable size and shape for our current culture. Then I go through the effort of finding and wearing flattering clothing and styling my hair and wearing makeup that accents those features. I do look great, don’t I?” Because then you’re conceited. And God forbid you not fit that narrow definition and feel like whatever’s in the mirror is satisfying to you personally. As a result, ideally, you’re Anastasia, who at 40% of the way through the entire series has not even said thank you to a single friend, family member, or lover who has said something nice about how she looks. No one knows how to take a damned compliment (by which I here mean appropriate compliments, not people shouting at you in the street or feeling entitled to your time while you’re buys and minding your own business).
I spent way too much of my life looking in the mirror and thinking that I’m pretty, then automatically feeling awkward and like maybe even the person talking to me was lying when I got compliments, because I’m outside those societal definitions, because I always suspected that I was wrong. So even if I’d spent hours getting ready for something, I had no idea what I was supposed to do if someone said I looked good. Self-deprecation was an easy go-to. See! I know I’m not really pretty! And I can’t say what was going on inside, but I can’t tell you how many friends have at least outwardly reacted to any compliment awkwardly or by pointing out some flaw or something because that’s where we are as a culture. It took forever for me to realize that, “Thank you, that’s very sweet,” or “You’re very sweet, thank you,” or some variation thereof is a great way to respond to a compliment.
Anyway, this rant brought to you by reading a story about an obviously attractive woman who isn’t allowed to know she is and who just can’t take a compliment.
March 8 at 2:26pm
In the last book, Anastasia was 100% aware that Jose wanted to date her. They even had an ‘I don’t feel that way about you’ conversation. And the guy from the hardware store asked her on a date whenever he was in town and followed her around the store pestering her for an entire day. So Christian mentions that they and a few other guys are all about her and she’s like, oh, that’s not true at all, which is an absurd lie.
And Christian’s all about how she belongs to him, and that’s still creepy.
March 8 at 3:12pm
And he just dropped the used condom on the floor. Christian Grey is disgusting.
March 8 at 3:13pm
“I hate those things. I’ve a good mind to call Dr. Greene around to give you a shot.”
1) That is horrible. I’m not anti-birth control in the least. Birth control for everyone who wants it, in whatever form they want/is best for them/whatever! But that should not be dictated by some dude who will just whistle up a doctor whenever he wants to administer whatever type he decides he wants without input from either the woman receiving it or, apparently, the doctor either. No.
2) Ana and the doctor talked over her options, which weren’t all spelled out in the book (they shouldn’t have been, I’m just surprised, because Ana will tell us all about every ingredient that goes into the omelet she’s making), and they decided on something for a reason. I mean, why it was the pill when Ana obviously can’t be trusted to keep track of anything I don’t know, but still.
[A couple of my friends chimed in with their personal experiences with depo and how likely it is Christian would appreciate some of the common side effects. Also, it was mentioned that if he hates condoms so much, he should just shut up and get himself snipped.
But, of course, birth control is 100% on the woman, and it’s not like he takes responsibility for anything, anyway.]
March 8 at 3:16pm
He nods, his discomfort obvious. ‘I don’t want to talk about her. It will sour your good mood.’
‘I can handle it.’
‘No, you can’t, Ana. You see red whenever I mention her.’
Christian Grey is such a fucking hypocrite.
March 8 at 3:18pm
Part of me has been like, “What about an IUD?” But I read somewhere that for the first while after you get one, at least some of them poke the guy during sex, and I assume he considers that unacceptable.
March 8 at 3:19pm
Ana just realized that Christian is super rich.
Sometimes, I just want to put this book down and go pet the dog or something.
March 8 at 3:21pm
Ana is thinking about looking for Christian’s files on his other subs. That is foul.
March 8 at 3:22pm
The way Ana thinks about Christian when she’s pissed at him, where she goes through all these perfectly reasonable things to be worked up about, then thinks about his messed up childhood and gets all soft and squishy and thinks about how much he loves her…
It’s watching the thought process that keeps people voluntarily locked up in abusive relationships and watching it play out in a supposed romance is so unsettling.
March 8 at 3:24pm
Staring at my reflection, I smile at the memory of his words, my heart brimming once more, and my face transforms with a ridiculous smile. Perhaps we can make this work. But how long will he want to do this without wanting to beat the crap out of me because I cross some arbitrary line?
I want to post information about domestic violence helplines and stuff here, like, if you think this about our own relationship, there’s help. You really don’t have to live like this. Whoever you are, you deserve better. There’s help out there.
Hell, call me. I’m probably far away, but I’ll listen.
March 8 at 3:27pm
I don’t comment on most of the stuff that could have used some revision/editing, because then I’d just have to type out the whole book.
March 8 at 3:29pm
There are some touches that could be kind of clever, but they’re also weird. Like Ana, though the first book, referred to lots of things as [so many shades/types/whatever] of [mostly a color]. And it was kind of cute. But she never said it out loud, it was just in narration, and then Christian used it, and it’s just…
It’s part of the thing where she thinks something, then he says or does it, and it makes no sense. Christian Grey is a human, not a mind-reading vampire, and even if he were, Ana’s based on the one human he couldn’t read.
March 8 at 3:33pm
‘I am rather enjoying my mindless gawk, thank you, Miss Steele,’ he murmurs darkly, stepping father into the room and drinking me in.
1) Take a shot.
2) That ‘darkly’ ruins this whole thing. It makes him needlessly threatening. Stop that. (Or he is actually threatening, in which case…not a romantic hero.)
March 8 at 3:35pm
‘Remind me to send a personal note of thanks to Caroline Action.’
I frown. *Who the hell is she?*
‘The personal shopper at Neiman’s,’ he says, spookily answering my unspoken question.
See, that right there.
Although it probably doesn’t require psychic powers to interpret that frown and answer it, I was just complaining about the psychic thing, and that was specifically framed as spooky instead of, I don’t know, actually paying attention to the person on the other side of the conversation.
March 8 at 3:37pm
She’s still calling the ben wa balls ‘silver ball things.’ Christian should have told her what they were called when she asked about them before, so as to better request them, or she should have looked it up, and anyway, sometimes Ana being ignorant after a certain point just bugs the shit out of me.
March 8 at 3:38pm
And Christian’s all about the spanking thing, and Ana hated it as punishment, but she did enjoy it as play, but Christian just told her he won’t do it at all even if she begs for it, because he’s still an asshole.
March 8 at 3:39pm
Other than the few things I bitched about, which in the grand scheme of this book weren’t that much, the whole ‘you’re going to have ben wa balls in you for this event’ scene was actually reasonable and not creepy or anything. Like, it can go in the romance or erotica version of this book instead of the horror one.
Except the part where it’s his dad’s event, but you kind of have to take what you can get in these books.
March 8 at 3:45pm
Ana actually acknowledged that she looks amazing right now and didn’t complain about having to put on makeup or anything.
Not out loud or anything, but baby steps.
March 8 at 3:47pm
The champagne is a pale rose color. It tastes deliciously crisp and light.
1) Take a shot.
2) In Ana’s world, all wine of all varieties is “crisp and light.”
March 8 at 3:49pm
He’s just now showing her that he has a library. Any potential points for having one are negated by taking a month to get around to showing it.
March 8 at 3:51pm
Ana’s good at and enjoys playing pool. There is finally something she likes, so she’s not just a vague amalgamation of ‘perfect woman’ stereotypes forming an empty vessel.
March 8 at 3:53pm
When you’ve got a potentially armed and dangerous stalker, going to a big masked ball is no big deal, right?
March 8 at 4:18pm
Oh, my picture in the press again. Leila briefly enters my mind. This is how she found me, posing with Christian. The thought is unsettling, though it’s comforting that I am unrecognizable beneath my mask.
Yeah, so is she.
Also, I just…the photographers knew who he was. Leila already knows about Ana. That whole line of thought makes no sense.
March 8 at 4:26pm
Ana talks a lot about the exact shade she turns when she blushes, and it’s kind of weird. How does she know?
Same with when she knows she’s super pale or whatever.
March 8 at 4:29pm
And once again, there is not a woman alive who isn’t attracted to Christian Grey.
March 8 at 4:30pm
‘So you work at SIP?’ asks a balding gentleman in a bear–or is it a dog?–half mask. ‘Heard rumors of a hostile takeover.’
I flush. There is a hostile takeover, from a man who has more money than sense and is a stalker par excellence.
1) Seriously, if that’s how you describe your lover, get out.
2) This right here? That’s how Christian is going to ruin her career before it even started.
March 8 at 4:33pm
We get the entire menu for the charity ball printed out for us. It’s ridiculous.
March 8 at 4:38pm
I wonder vaguely how Christian made all his money if he’s so willing to give it all away.
And also buy random businesses so he can better control his subs, or because his former molester needs a business partner or whatever.
The answer, of course, is that this is a fantasy, and James had to make Grey look good somehow.
March 8 at 4:42pm
Take a shot whenever Christian says something “darkly.”
March 8 at 4:43pm
Oh my God, we go the entire auction list, too. The point was so that Ana could be all shocked that he owns property in Aspen, but that could have been accomplished by just saying she spotted it while scanning over the list.
March 8 at 4:48pm
I don’t know what I expected after the first book printed out the whole contract or parts of it repeatedly.
March 8 at 4:49pm
Christian’s molester is on the donor list.
Surely Christian would have warned me if she was invited tonight.
Why on earth would you think he’d do that?
March 8 at 4:50pm
And Ana just sent all the money Christian had transferred into her account on an auction item, and of course Christian is pissed.
I mean, it was a dumb choice for a wealth of reasons, but he was really bent on how it was her money, so just…let her be dumb with it if she wants.
March 8 at 4:52pm
Crap, he’s going to be so angry, and we’ve been getting along so well. My subconscious has finally decided to make an appearance, and she’s wearing her Edvard Munch The Scream face.
I honestly can’t remember right now if this ball is happening on the same day as the hair cut and everything, but I’m pretty sure that, at best, they’ve been getting along so well for hours, at best.
Basically, this is an awful relationship, and she’s scared of him, and that’s terrible.
March 8 at 4:54pm
“I don’t know whether to worship at your feet or spank the living shit out of you.”
He just said before the left that he wasn’t going to spank her even if she begged.
March 8 at 4:55pm
I succumb to a cathartic bubble of schoolgirl giggles, as we are thwarted once more by the tall, pink powerhouse that is Mia Grey.
1) That is a horrible sentence.
2) All of the talk about Ana as a child or a schoolgirl or whatever in relation to sex is so creepy.
March 8 at 5:00pm
My inner goddess performs a perfect triple Salchow in her ice skates.
March 8 at 5:00pm
“These twelve lovely young ladies have all agreed to auction their first dance to the highest bidder!”
When did Ana agree to that? Seriously.
Also, if she doesn’t break her ankle because she’s wearing crazy high stilettos, then her clumsiness is only there for plot convenience or to be “endearing” or whatever.
Or, of course, to conveniently excuse any injuries she gets from Christian.
March 8 at 5:06pm
“Now, gentlemen, pray gather around, and take a good look at what could be yours for the first dance. Twelve comely and compliant wenches.”
There’s nothing about those two sentences that isn’t repulsive.
March 8 at 5:09pm
‘Jada speaks fluent Japanese, is a qualified fighter pilot, and an Olympic gymnast…hmm.’ The MC winks. ‘Gentlemen, what am I bid?’
This is an auction for a dance. I’ve only ever seen these as plot devices on sitcoms, so I have no idea how they work in real life, but I hope they don’t usually sound so much like people are being sold off for sex.
March 8 at 5:12pm
Jada gasps, astounded at the MC; obviously, he’s talking complete garbage.
That in no way makes it less gross.
March 8 at 5:13pm
Christian brawling? Refined, sophisticated, likes-Tudor-choral-music Christian? I can’t see it.
He literally beat your for rolling your eyes. And you’re afraid of him. And he’s so moody that you Googled multiple personality disorder (which is now called dissociative identity disorder and is not schizophrenia, which is beside the point). He’s possessive and jealous and controlling.
But no, that doesn’t sound like a guy who would ever get into a fight, you’re right.
March 8 at 5:16pm
When was Christian brawling?
“Early teens. Drove my parents crazy, coming home with cut lips and black eyes. He was expelled from two schools. He inflicted some serious damage on his opponents.”
And,
“He got quite a bad rep among my friends. He was really persona non grata for a few years. But it stopped when he was about fifteen or sixteen.”
Yup, because what someone like that needs is for a woman the same age as his mother to make him into her sex slave. And that’s totally the temperament you want in a Dom.
March 8 at 5:20pm
The other two girls sell for $5k and $4k before Ana stops paying attention, so Christian opens the bidding at $10k on Ana. It’s probably supposed to make a point about how Ana is worth so much to him or something, but it grates on me all wrong. Probably because it’s more about Christian showing off and possibly about humiliating the other girls or something.
Then there’s a counter-bid, because of course there is, and Ana gives us this:
This is a great show, but it’s at my expense. I want to wail.
And that’s another reason why it’s not ok.
March 8 at 5:24pm
And the bidding is up to $100k.
And it’s not at all about Ana, it’s all just men showing off and being awful.
March 8 at 5:25pm
Sneaking off during your father’s charity ball to fuck in your old bedroom is really inconsiderate and gross, but on the grand scale of sex things, also really mild.
March 8 at 5:29pm
He’s apparently going to spank her again, which…she’s asking for it. Literally. And he wants her to promise:
“You will safe-word if you need to, and I will just make love to you, okay?”
This is exactly what should have happened the first time. And why the end of the first book would not have happened if he were a responsible Dom.
March 8 at 5:32pm
If more of the spanking and everything had been like this scene from the beginning, this would not be a problematic, terrifying book.
March 8 at 5:35pm
Like, I have no complaints about that scene. They both wanted it, Christian acted like a responsible Dom, they both got something they needed out of it, it even set up the reveal that all of Christian’s subs look like his mom because dude has an Oedipal complex you can see from space.
It really, sharply contrasts against all of the stuff that’s gone wrong earlier.
March 8 at 5:54pm
And it was Christian’s therapist bidding against him in the auction.
I’m pretty sure that violates some sort of ethical principle, but it’s blindingly obvious Christian needs a better therapist, anyway.
March 8 at 5:58pm
What do I say to him? Why is Christian so fucked-up? Why did he bid on me? It’s the only think I want to ask him, but somehow that seems rude.
The first question he can’t answer, not if he wants to keep his license. It’s likely he can’t answer the second question for the same reason, but it’s not unreasonable to ask.
March 8 at 6:00pm
Everything about her conversation with the therapist and with Christian immediately after is making me facepalm so hard.
March 8 at 6:02pm
And his molester is threatening Ana that if she leaves him again she’ll hunt her down and hurt her.
I know that’s a common kind of ‘if you hurt this person I care about’ threat, but in context, it’s really awful on so many levels I don’t know where to start.
March 8 at 6:04pm
So Christian shows up right after Ana tells off his molester, and he asks what’s wrong, and since it turns out he went right to his molester when Ana left him, she tells him to ask his ex, which…I mean, that’s one of those dumb fight things, but if Ana had gone to Jose–who, again, is her friend, not someone she’s slept with–I dare Christian to react as well.
Except, wait, she couldn’t have gone to Jose or anyone because Christian made her sign an NDA.
Anyway, his reaction?
His mouth twists and his eyes frost. ‘I’m asking you,’ he says, his voice soft but with an undertone of something far more menacing.
He goes straight to menacing or threatening first thing every time, and that is not a trait of a good man.
March 8 at 6:19pm
Of course Christian thinks it’s funny that his ex threatened Ana. Other men can’t look at her cross eyed, but it’s totally cute when his former molester actually threatens her.
March 8 at 6:20pm
His tone is placating as if he’s talking to a child.
At least they aren’t in the middle of sex this time.
March 8 at 6:21pm
He asks if she wants to go or stay and watch the fireworks. She wants to stay and he’s cool with it, and that should be a normal interaction, not something that makes me go, “I wonder what the odds are that they’ll actually see the fireworks.”
March 8 at 6:23pm
‘I’d like to see him happy, too,’ I mutter, unsure of what else to say.
1) Take a shot.
2) This is an occasion where one of James’ other favorite words, murmur, would have been more appropriate.
March 8 at 6:27pm
Ana’s doing a lot of successful dancing for someone who’s supposed to be so hopelessly clumsy.
March 8 at 6:28pm
He said the fireworks were starting in five minutes, but there was apparently plenty of time for a dance with Christian’s date and another with him, as well as a time break before everyone starts gathering.
I think time functions differently in their world than mine.
March 8 at 6:29pm
It has only just now occurred to Ana that Leila could be there.
Despite the extra security hovering around and having thought about her seeing the picture in the paper, etc.
March 8 at 6:30pm
It’s midnight and they’re setting off the fireworks. I get that it’s a charity event and all, but it’s in the middle of the city. That’s just rude.
March 8 at 6:31pm
I glance at Fifty, and he’s the same, marveling like a child at the sensational show.
1) That nickname is still gross.
2) Ana describes Christian as childlike and childish and all really often, too, and even though it usually isn’t in relation to sex, it’s kind of weird and gross, too.
March 8 at 6:33pm
‘I think that fireworks display probably aged him a hundred years,’ he adds.
‘Doesn’t he like fireworks?’
Christian gazes down at me fondly and shakes his head but doesn’t elaborate.
So, he knows his employee has PTSD or some other reason to be upset by fireworks, and he knows there are going to be fireworks at the event, and brings him along anyway.
Christian is an asshole at best.
March 8 at 6:36pm
He’s taking the ben wa balls back because Ana still isn’t allowed to masturbate.
For a book that’s supposedly about a woman exploring her sexuality, that’s really unfortunate.
March 8 at 6:37pm
She agrees to go to the mall sometime in the next week with Mia, “though in the back of my mind I’m wondering how since I have to work for a living.”
Anastasia apparently doesn’t understand how evenings work.
March 8 at 6:39pm
He called the doctor about that birth control shot. She’s coming tomorrow.
‘Why?’
‘Because I hate condoms,’ he says quietly. His eyes glint in the soft light from the paper lanterns, gauging my reaction.
‘It’s my body,’ I mutter, annoyed that he hasn’t asked me.
‘It’s mine, too,’ he whispers.
If you just heard a scream echoing in the distance, that was me.
March 8 at 6:43pm
Yes, my body is his…he knows it better than I do.
No, he most certainly fucking does not. Especially not in a ‘gets to dictate what birth control is going to be administered to you’ kind of way.
If he’s so concerned about condoms, he needs to take some responsibility and get himself snipped.
And if the doctor seriously does it, she should lose her license.
March 8 at 6:45pm
Ok, the bit about the doctor may be a little harsh, because by the time she shows up, there may not a way for her to know this was dictated without Ana’s consent unless Ana actually speaks up.
March 8 at 6:46pm
And his molester sent Ana a note, and she signed it Mrs. Robinson so Ana will know Christian told her about that. She slips in an extra threat, too.
I think some of the jealousy is really overdone here, but being upset over this is completely reasonable.
March 8 at 6:48pm
Leila slashed Ana’s tires and threw paint on her car, which is probably a more constructive use of an evening than trying to sneak into a masked ball.
It’s so weird how our culture sort of aims women at each other. Like there was a revenge porn site run by a woman for other women to submit nude pictures of their husband’s/boyfriend’s mistresses. You hear things about a woman stealing someone’s man, or from a wife or girlfriend about how she’s going to get that bitch, like the men in question are just innocently being lead about by their cocks or something.
March 8 at 6:54pm
Also, they’re concerned that she may have gotten into the apartment. If Christian had taken a group of men for security and left Taylor (and possibly one or two others) to keep an eye on the apartment, Taylor could have been spared the fireworks and this could have been prevented.
(Maybe not the car. Definitely the ‘maybe broke into the apartment’ part, though.)
March 8 at 6:56pm
“He’s coming up the service elevator with Ryan and Reynolds.”
Really?
March 8 at 6:56pm
His security just let him walk into his apartment alone.
Worst security ever.
March 8 at 6:57pm
She goes out of her way to complain about Christian’s art so much. It’s such a weird thing to get hung up on.
March 8 at 6:59pm
The door opens. The security guard spins around and draws his gun.
And that’s how a security guard ended up pointing a gun at the guy he was supposed to be guarding.
March 8 at 7:00pm
And Christian isn’t going to call the police about Leila vandalizing Ana’s car because he doesn’t want the police involved because Leila needs help, not police intervention.
That is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.
And these books have put up some serious competition.
March 8 at 7:02pm
He’s worried about something happening to Ana because of him, but he doesn’t want police involved with his potentially violent stalker.
March 8 at 7:05pm
Ana’s working hard to respect his no touching zones, which is unexpected and nice.
March 8 at 7:07pm
Ana woke up and thought she saw a figure at the foot of the bed, but she turned on the light and no one was there. She tracked Christian down and when they walked back into the bedroom, neither of them had opened the balcony door.
That’s kind of old and cliche, but it’s still around for a reason.
March 8 at 7:09pm
Oh my gods. So his stalker is in the house, possibly hiding in that same room. And his security straight up asks him if he’s going to his parent’s house. Where the stalker can hear. Christian says to book him somewhere, and I really hope he plans to make that booking somewhere safe.
I’d say, “Unless it’s part of a plan to lure the stalker to a specific location,” but I’m reluctant to give anyone in these books that much credit.
March 8 at 7:13pm
Ana wonders if they’re overreacting because Leila didn’t shoot her while she was asleep and…you know what? This is actually a perfectly good time to get the hell out of there. They are not overreacting.
March 8 at 7:14pm
They know the stalker is in the house and has been in that room…and his security lets him walk into his closet, which is bigger than Ana’s bedroom, by himself.
That’s so hilariously inept.
March 8 at 7:15pm
Also, Ana was worried because she didn’t have clothes. Christian gave her a pair of his sweatpants, and she didn’t argue because you know, running for their lives or whatever.
But he just sent his guy to get shoes for Ana. He’s already going to her room, he could get her clothes, too.
March 8 at 7:16pm
Also, I’m really surprised he’s not like, “We’re getting out of here and we’ll buy some new ones after we’re in the hotel.”
March 8 at 7:16pm
‘Taylor knows and understands guns,’ he says with distaste. ‘He’ll be quicker with a gun than she is.’
Yes, that’s exactly how guns work, and why people who know about them are never, ever shot in the back or taken by surprise or anything.
March 8 at 7:18pm
Ana can shoot because her stepfather taught her. That’s not actually totally shocking news, considering how Ray has otherwise been characterized.
Knowing how to shoot is meaningless when you don’t have a gun, though, so.
March 8 at 7:19pm
Taylor meets us in the foyer and hands me my small suitcase and my black Converse sneakers. I am stunned that he’s packed me some clothes.
That’s because Taylor is (mostly) the most efficient and competent person in these books.
March 8 at 7:20pm
Christian says a replacement for her vandalized car will arrive Monday. I know he’s richer than God and all, but I hope he means a rental. It’s just slashed tires and paint.
March 8 at 7:22pm
‘How could she have known it was my car?’
He glances anxiously at me and sighs. ‘She had an Audi A3. I buy one for all my submissives–it’s one of the safest cars in its class.’
That is absurd.
March 8 at 7:23pm
The whole mysterious past you can’t talk about because your love will leave you forever thing is so dumb. So you expect that to never, ever come up and bite you in the ass?
March 8 at 7:26pm
Christian’s mad at his family for telling Ana too much about him, then he quickly flips it around to it all being Ana’s fault.
He pinned the stalking thing on Ana, too.
And, of course, if she bites her lip, he can’t control himself.
It’s really gross.
March 8 at 7:37pm
Here I am, in Seattle’s most prestigious hotel, dressed in an oversized denim jacket, oversized sweatpants, and an old T-shirt next to this elegant Greek god. No wonder the receptionist is looking from one to the other as if the equation doesn’t add up.
That’s not very professional.
Also, if that receptionist hasn’t seen weirder, it’s probably because it’s her first day.
March 8 at 7:39pm
Of course, she’s overawed by Christian.
Still not a lesbian to be found in Seattle.
March 8 at 7:40pm
She’s stuttering and her hands are shaking. Definitely her first day.
March 8 at 7:40pm
Mrs. Taylor! But I’m not wearing a ring. I put my hands behind my back.
They checked in under his driver/security/panties buyer/etc man’s name.
Ana is clearly not cut out for covert ops.
March 8 at 7:41pm
It’s odd that the nice hotel allows pets. Because it’s not like there are rich people who take their pets everywhere with them or anything.
March 8 at 7:42pm
At least she didn’t describe the brandy as crisp.
March 8 at 7:44pm
“You make me forget everything. You are the best therapy.”
1) Forgetting everything is not therapy.
2) Sex, no matter how good, is not therapy.
3) This is part of that ‘love of a good woman can save a damaged man’ thing, and it is so very dangerous.
March 8 at 8:15pm
He’s come a long way, as have I, in such a short time. It’s almost too much to absorb. With all the fucked-up stuff, I am losing sight of his simple, honest journey with me.
Nothing about this shit has been simple or honest.
Also, considering these books have been billed as kinky, I’m not sure what to think about the second book being devoted to exploring vanilla sex.
Or the implications that you can’t have BDSM and a regular relationship or whatever the hell is going on here.
March 10 at 5:48pm
They’ve fled Christian’s apartment to a hotel, but damned if that made Christian forget to rearrange the house call from the gyno to get Ana on the birth control of his choice.
Just in case I forgot how much Christian Grey sucks since I put the book down.
March 10 at 5:50pm
And he ordered breakfast while she was asleep, so Ana had better not want cereal or oatmeal or an omelet or crepes or anything other than pancakes because that’s what she made once, so that’s what Christian thinks she wants every single day.
March 10 at 5:51pm
Ana has described herself as petulant twice in this one scene.
Basically, I haven’t been sharing all the bad writing, but it’s still terrible.
March 10 at 5:54pm
I sigh heavily, leaving half my breakfast, and get up to greet Dr. Depo-Provera.
I hate that Ana’s just like ‘whatever, Christian wants me to get this shot, so that’s what’s happening.”
Hate it.
March 10 at 5:55pm
The doctor has lectured Ana and is telling her all about the side effects of the shot, but Ana’s not listening because she could potentially be pregnant.
I guess I shouldn’t expect better of someone who signed a non-disclosure agreement without reading it, either.
March 10 at 5:58pm
And the doctor is doing it, which just makes me profoundly uncomfortable on so many levels.
March 10 at 5:59pm
She’s absolutely paralyzed over telling Christian he could have gotten her pregnant. And he’s doing things like looming over her and snapping at her.
And he’s sulking and stalking around and…
And I really think the tone of this whole novel could be fixed with a few word changes.
March 10 at 6:01pm
I roll my eyes at him, and he glares at me, narrowing his eyes. Shit! Okay…here goes.
You should not be afraid of being beaten because you rolled your eyes.
March 10 at 6:02pm
Christian actually takes the news better than I expected.
Better than Ana expected, too.
March 10 at 6:03pm
And he immediately ruins the moment:
“My natural inclination is to beat it out of you, but I seriously doubt you want that.”
I hear (and have made) jokes about beating information out of people. You know when you stop being allowed to say things like that?
When you’ve actually beaten the person you’re talking to.
March 10 at 6:04pm
‘Don’t stray far from the line, please,’ he mutters tightly.
‘Okay,’ I murmur…
Take two shots.
March 10 at 6:07pm
He’s asked her to wash away the marks they made when they mapped out his boundaries, and it’s the sort of sweet trust-building thing I expect to see in a book like this.
March 10 at 6:07pm
They’ve just had a conversation about how very tortured Christian is and how he feels unworthy of love, and Ana told him he loves her and he agreed that he does…
And the greater context of their relationship makes the entire thing suspect.
Especially since they’ve known each other about a month.
March 10 at 6:11pm
Ana’s going on at length about how amazing and wonderful all this is and I swear to God, it all sounds like a 16-year-old’s livejournal.
March 10 at 6:13pm
And she keeps telling us about how badly she wants to kiss his scars.
That’s one of those complicated things, there you might just want to show someone you love all of them, but then it ends up feeling like you’re just reducing them to those scars and whatever caused them, and…
I guess that’s a thing every couple has to work out for themselves when it’s applicable.
March 10 at 6:18pm
Ana just thought to herself, “I am not a helpless maiden.”
I really wish she’d act like it, then.
March 10 at 6:20pm
He just rolled his eyes at Ana. He still gets super pissed at her if she does it, but it’s fine for him.
March 10 at 6:41pm
Yup, immediately after:
I roll my eyes at him, and his mouth twists in amusement.
‘My palms still twitch, you know, Miss Steele.’
As a reminder, they’re twitching to hit her. Not for sexy fun times, at least not for her, but for punishment. She left him over punishment, and he’s still happy to bring it up whenever.
She’s all teasing and flirty with him right now, but they just had their big emotional moment in the shower, so she’s flying too high to be scared of him. Yet.
March 10 at 6:43pm
And I don’t know if it’s the momentary distraction of his perfect looks or the knowledge that he loves me, but his threat no longer fills me with dread. This is my Fifty Shades; this is the way he is.
Sometimes, I’m so good it’s a little embarrassing.
March 10 at 6:44pm
As I reach for the hair dryer, a tangible ray of hope blossoms. We will find a middle way. We just have to recognize each other’s needs and accommodate them. I can do that, surely?
Yes, but can he? I know one of the fantasies being sold here is rescuing a damaged man, and the lie we’re going to be fed is that you can. But with someone like Christian Grey, you’re only going to be in that middle way until he wears you down and drags you over to what he wants, and that doesn’t end with happiness.
March 10 at 6:47pm
Christian gives the valet a huge tip, which does not make me forget when he was treating that waiter badly in the last book.
Ana’s feelings on big tips:
I frown at him. Honestly.
Ana’s still awful.
March 10 at 6:49pm
I should have been paying more attention to Ana describing music. I think there are several terms that should probably be added to the drinking game.
Sad, haunting, soulful?
March 10 at 6:50pm
My inner goddess is bouncing about like a five-year-old.
So not only will Ana be infantalized, but so will her inner goddess, who is apparently some manifestation of the sex-obsessed part of her id.
Basically, that’s gross.
March 10 at 6:51pm
So Christian suddenly pulls over into a car dealership and says they’re getting her a new car even though it’s Sunday. It’s a Saab dealership, so Ana asks about the Audi, since that’s what all his subs get.
‘I thought you might like something else,’ he mutters. He’s almost squirming.
So…Ana’s going to get to pick out her own car?
I should so know better by now. (Also, drink!)
I smirk. ‘A Saab?’
‘Yeah. A 9-3. Come.’
Nope, still no choice, he’s picked it out for her.
Admittedly, he’s paying and all, but still.
Also, her car’s tires were slashed and paint was thrown on it. It was not totaled. A replacement is ridiculous no matter how rich you are.
March 10 at 6:55pm
I resign myself to my fate. A Saab? Do I want a Saab? I quite liked the Audi Submissive Special. It was nifty.
Sigh.
March 10 at 6:56pm
Also, are car dealerships open on Sundays in Washington? I’m asking for real. They aren’t here.
March 10 at 6:56pm
He actually asks her what color car she wants, and she answers, and he’s immediately all, “Black’s not easily seen at night.”
Whatever, dude.
March 10 at 6:57pm
‘Canary yellow, then.’ I shrug.
Christian makes a face–canary yellow is obviously not his thing.
‘What color do you want me to have?’ I ask as if he’s a small child, which he is in many ways. The thought is unwelcome–sad and sobering at once.
What’s the point in even asking her if she’s supposed to read your mind? If it was a choice between silver or white, just say that. Don’t give choices and immediately take them away.
Also, he is not a small child. He is a successful businessman who is well on his way to 30. But sure, let’s keep on infantalizing people. Whatever.
March 10 at 7:00pm
He wants safety stats on a convertible.
Naturally Christian wants me safe. It’s a religion with him, and like the zealot he is, he listens intently to Troy’s well-honed patter. Fifty really does care.
Caring and controlling can look a lot alike, I guess.
March 10 at 7:02pm
She just called him God’s gift to women.
Can we return to sender?
March 10 at 7:02pm
The car will have to be delivered from Beverly Hills and will take a couple of days.
Again, all that’s wrong with the other one is tires and paint. The other car could be ready by then.
March 10 at 7:05pm
Ana seriously thought that Christian might be using his guy’s credit card instead of his own since they were checked into the hotel under his name.
Ana still worries about all the wrong things.
March 10 at 7:06pm
And he’s scolding her for not finishing her breakfast, which was interrupted by the doctor he called to give her the shot he wanted.
Even if I want to give this guy a break, he’s persistently the worst.
March 10 at 7:07pm
Have I ever felt this comfortable in his company before? I don’t know.
That’s just…
I feel like I could just replace everything I’ve said with, “If you really, really identify with Ana, please call this domestic violence helpline.”
March 10 at 7:09pm
The barman’s name is Dante, and I’d make some kind of joke about the hell I’m in, but this book has damaged too many of my braincells.
March 10 at 7:11pm
‘What would you like to drink, Anastasia?’
I glance at Christian, who regards me expectantly. Oh, he’s going to let me choose.
She actually gets a chance to pick what she wants and she takes what he’s having. So he’s managing to train her to his desires, whether she’s noticed or not.
March 10 at 7:12pm
And he suggests food, and she accepts his suggestion like a good girl.
Sigh.
March 10 at 7:14pm
…the more he reveals, the more I sense his passion for fixing problem companies, his hopes for the technology he’s developing, and his dreams of making land in the third world more productive.
You know what drives a lot of hunger in the third world, and really, all around the world?
Politics, not unproductive land.
March 10 at 7:18pm
He’s plaguing her with questions about her past.
Even though she just can’t let go of what happened to him before he was four years old.
March 10 at 7:19pm
As we talk, it strikes me that he’s turned from Hardy’s Alec to Angel, debasement to high ideal in such a short space of time.
Oh, he’ll come back around.
March 10 at 7:20pm
She’s shocked that the man with a giant helicopter, private jet, and cabin in Aspen who bought the company she’s interning at on a whim and who just bought a brand new car to replace a brand new car with slashed tires and paint on it also owns a giant boat.
Why, especially if he lives somewhere like Seattle, would that be a shock?
March 10 at 7:23pm
‘Built by my company,’ he says proudly.
He was introduced as being in telecommunications. But he’s also got a string of beauty salons, he’s intent on feeding everyone in the world, and he bought a publishing company because Ana works there, so sure, whatever, he’s got a company that builds boats, too.
March 10 at 7:25pm
She didn’t get to pick her clothes out, either. He sent her measurements (that I guess he got while she was unconscious?) to a personal shopper and just had that person send over whole wardrobe for her.
March 10 at 7:26pm
And he confesses that the woman who saved him when he was four years old, and who respected his boundaries even when he was tiny, and who raised him and whatever else is actually someone he loves, and he owes everything to her.
Which we should totally know since he acts all cool and even irritated by her or mention of her.
I guess if he openly loved his adopted mother, it would make his tragic back story less tragic or something?
March 10 at 7:28pm
She can’t place Liam ‘call me Mac’ McConnell’s accent.
And I know you can have that name and be from pretty much anywhere, but in this book? Give me a break.
March 10 at 7:32pm
I know next to nothing about boats, so I don’t know if it’s remotely realistic for a catamaran to have all the features Ana’s talking about.
But I’m also not writing about someone having a boat, so.
I did a GIS, but it’s mostly outside shots and there’s only so much give a damn I can summon for fact checking this book.
March 10 at 7:38pm
One thing I do find appealing about this book: Ana is super horny. Like, all the time. She just straight up really likes sex, and that’s kind of awesome.
It’s also kind of an interesting twist on the cultural narrative, how he’s always manipulating her with sex.
It’s really too bad it’s all wrapped around these really troubling themes and messages.
March 10 at 7:41pm
He makes a crack about demonstrating what he can do with rope, so Ana goes all dead-eyed on him, and when it’s a joke, he threatens her again.
And it’s so stupid it’s killing me.
March 10 at 7:46pm
Does sailing on the Puget Sound count as being on the open sea?
I’m landlocked and I still haven’t even gotten to see the ocean, but I’m pretty sure that’s not right.
March 10 at 7:49pm
Kate’s been gone for a week. Ana finally misses her.
Ana’s still an awful friend.
March 10 at 7:50pm
This entire bit about being on the boat is so atrociously written. It’s so repetitive, what with whipping and zipping over the water and heading for the Olympic Peninsula and whatever.
March 10 at 7:55pm
I gaze out over the wide blue water, wondering what I could possibly have done in the past to have fortune smile and deliver this man to me.
You sure that was a smile and not a smirk?
March 10 at 7:58pm
Her subconscious says she’ll have to compromise because Christian won’t always want just vanilla, which…
You know what? Ana likes bondage. She likes getting spanked for fun. She liked getting worked over with a riding crop. She’s all about the ben wa balls. There is totally room there for all kinds of happy compromise.
The question is whether or not Christian will compromise, and his threats make it clear that he expects to wear her down and get exactly what he wants.
March 10 at 8:02pm
She’s surprised by her own grace because an actual clumsy person would have fallen over while trying to step out of her panties.
But Ana’s only clumsy if it’s plot convenient.
March 10 at 8:06pm
Ana really can’t get over his scars. They’re about to have sex and she’s all about being super sad about his past.
It can’t just be me who thinks it’s a terrible disservice to someone to define them so much by things that happened before they were four years old.
March 10 at 8:09pm
We might need a GoFundMe or something for my mental healthcare if I’m going to finish all three of these books.
March 11 at 4:18pm
Ana’s still all glowy and happy about how she’s saving Christian Grey from himself and all.
‘What?’ he says, reacting to my stupid grin.
‘You.’
‘What about me?’
‘Who are you and what have you done with Christian?’
His lips twitch with a sad smile.
‘He’s not very far away, baby,’ he says softly, and there’s a touch of melancholy in his voice that makes me instantly regret asking the question.’ But he shakes it off. ‘You’ll see him soon enough’ –he smirks at me–‘especially if you don’t get up.’ Reaching over, he smacks me hard on my behind so I yelp and laugh at the same time.
She laughs now, but what about when old Christian comes back and makes good on that threat and beats her, then she tries to leave again, but she promised she’d never leave him again, so he stuffs her in a giant bottle of formaldehyde to keep in his personal Crack Whores and Bitches Who Tried to Leave Me museum?
March 11 at 4:23pm
…He just accused her of giving off mixed signals.
Although, I guess, how better to distract from his own behavior (which, remember, made her Google multiple personality disorder) than a little gaslighting?
March 11 at 4:25pm
Would I leave hm again now that he’s admitted he loves me? I gaze up into his clear gray eyes. Could I ever leave him again–no matter what he did to me? Could I betray him like that? No. I don’t think I could.
Don’t worry, even if you did, there’s a display all ready for you in his personal museum.
(Also, for real: if he beats you, he betrayed you first. If you leave, you are not betraying him, you are taking care of yourself. You deserve to live a life where you’re not afraid, where you don’t have to worry about being beaten. This line of thinking is setting you up to betray yourself at the lowest possible moment.
But even if you have thought that, even if you have stayed after beatings and worse, it’s never too late. You never, ever stop deserving better.)
March 11 at 4:30pm
Did they talk about ships during that first interview?
I don’t remember.
Please don’t make me read it again.
March 11 at 4:31pm
Ana likes Christian’s right-hand man, Taylor. And Christian’s being pissy about it, because it is 100% impossible for a woman to like, trust, appreciate, or even meet a man without wanting to have sex with him.
March 11 at 4:35pm
What memories you evoke when you roll your eyes at me, Anastasia.
…Do you mean the time you beat her and left her a sobbing mess, or the time you chased her around your apartment until she admitted she hated being punished, then guilted and manipulated her until you got to beat her so hard she left you?
Neither of those memories should evoke a grin.
March 11 at 4:37pm
Why would an Italian restaurant have a large black-and-white photograph of a turn-of-the-century fiesta as a mural?
March 11 at 4:40pm
Ana asks Christian about having friends, and he doesn’t have any because she knows how he likes to blow off steam.
In the last book, he had a list of extreme activities he liked for blowing off steam, so even if he gets his jollies off by beating dubiously willing partners, that doesn’t mean he can’t also have friends who like going gliding or whatever.
Although it might be harder to hide that you’re a miserable excuse for a human being from actual friends, so.
March 11 at 4:44pm
Ana just got to pick her own dinner.
I’d be happy, but instead I suspect he’d have refused to let her order it if he didn’t approve.
March 11 at 4:45pm
She wants to talk to him about his favorite bedroom activities, but she’s nervous, because duh. His reaction?
‘Tell me,’ he says more forcefully, and his concern evolves into what? Fear? Anger?
Man, why on earth would she be reluctant to have any conversations with him, ever?
March 11 at 4:47pm
She’s worried that their current vanilla relationship isn’t enough for him.
His jaw tenses and his eyes harden. ‘Have I given you any indication that this isn’t enough?’
The words say they’re fine. His expression says he’s mentally measuring her for the right size jar.
March 11 at 4:48pm
He just said he’s been fighting the urge to be controlling and I laughed so loud it startled the dog.
March 11 at 4:49pm
I wish that their relationship had started more gently, and that the conversation they just had while they were waiting for dinner happened early on. Because it was good. But instead of being a foundation for a real partnership, it’s an upswing in an abusive relationship.
March 11 at 4:53pm
If there are two adjectives used to describe the current music, take a shot.
Two if there are more than two adjectives in a single sentence.
March 11 at 4:55pm
They just got back to his apartment. They haven’t actually said anything to each other for a while.
‘You are not allowed out of here alone. You understand?’ he snaps.
I know there’s a stalker and he’s worried, but that’s unacceptable.
March 11 at 4:57pm
But his attitude makes me smile. I want to hug myself–this man, all domineering and short with me, I know. I marvel that I would have found it so threatening only a week or so ago when he spoke to me this way. But now I understand him so much better. This is his coping mechanism. He’s stressed about Leila, he loves me, and he wants to protect me.
Amazing how you can adjust to being treated badly when you figure out how to make excuses for the other person.
March 11 at 5:00pm
She’s turned on by him pouting. All I can think about is that episode of Buffy where Xander said he was a teenage boy, so he could be turned on by linoleum. That’s Ana at this point in her life.
March 11 at 5:01pm
She’s a little flirty with Christian’s right-hand man, and the full jealous, assy Christian is out. That guy is gonna lose his job over Ana.
March 11 at 5:03pm
He hasn’t made me feel like a child all day.
If you have those kinds of thoughts about someone, they are not treating you well.
March 11 at 5:04pm
All of Ana’s stuff has been moved out of her room and into Christian’s, without ever mentioning it to her.
It’s one of those things that’s only a problem because he didn’t say anything. She’d probably have been thrilled if he’d brought it up, but since he just did it without telling her, it’s pretty assy.
March 11 at 5:06pm
Christian’s still worried about catching his stalker, but the police still aren’t involved.
‘What will you do when you find her?’ I ask.
‘Dr. Flynn has a place.’
The police can turn someone over for evaluation. They don’t just throw people in jail, and since we’re talking rich white people here, the odds that she’d actually make it into a psychiatric hold are pretty good.
But this? Catching her privately to hand over to whatever place Christian’s personal therapist has for her? That’s like taking everything that was wrong with the depo shot Ana got that morning and amplifying it by 1000.
March 11 at 5:09pm
‘Are you okay with all your stuff being here? I want you to share my room,’ he murmurs.
1) Take a shot.
2) If he had asked that question before the move, I wouldn’t be complaining.
March 11 at 5:10pm
They’re fighting over whether or not she’s allowed to go to work tomorrow.
They had a fight earlier about how he had promised he wouldn’t interfere in her career, but then he bought her new place of employment. Christian Grey does not keep his promises unless they’re convenient.
March 11 at 5:12pm
I’ve known him for what–five weeks?
That is something Ana needs to tell herself WAY more often.
March 11 at 5:12pm
And he’s threatening to literally imprison her in his apartment. Because she wants to go to work.
He’s going to turn out to have a taxidermy hobby, and he’s going to make an Ana doll that he can keep in his play room. Then she’ll never leave him.
March 11 at 5:14pm
She just gave up and said a security guy can go with her, but she rolls her eyes, so:
Christian narrows his [eyes] and takes a menacing step in my direction.
She left him on Friday or Saturday. They got back together on Wednesday. It’s now Sunday and they’re already back to this.
March 11 at 5:16pm
He’s already grinning and happy again, but that’s not a good sign. He can also turn on a dime and be ready to literally beat her again.
March 11 at 5:18pm
They played billiards and they bet sexual antics, and Christian decided if he won, he’d spank her…
And you know, she’s liked the play spankings. But he’s been mad at her, too.
‘You’re not going to be a sore loser, are you?’ he murmurs, barely containing his grin.
‘Depends how hard you spank me,’ I whisper, holding on to my cue for support.
1) That’s two shots in two lines.
2) If this were a good relationship, she wouldn’t have to say that.
March 11 at 5:25pm
His reasons for wanting to spank her, right from the horse’s ass:
He counts on his long fingers. ‘One, making me jealous of my own staff. Two, arguing with me about working. And three, waving your delectable derriere at me for the last twenty minutes.’
Take a shot.
Also, I just…1) he needs to take responsibility for his own feelings and actions, 2) he promised not to interfere with her work, and 3) they were playing pool. Also, he was doing the exact same thing.
March 11 at 5:35pm
When he turns and gazes at me, his eyes are burning. I stand paralyzed like a complete zombie, my heart pounding, not actually able to move a muscle. In my mind, all I can think is–*this is for him*–the thought repeating like a mantra over and over again.
Take a shot whenever I scream, “THIS IS NOT OK!”
No, don’t actually add that to the drinking game.
But seriously, if Christian were a good Dom and if he’s properly introduced her to spanking, she’d be all about this. If he hadn’t physically abused her while pretending it was about sexy time, she would not be scared right now.
And that’s why this book isn’t just harmlessly about a woman exploring her sexuality.
March 11 at 5:38pm
He’s going to spank her with a ruler. And he’s pressing about how she needs to tell him to stop if he goes too far. And if this was how all of their spanking sessions had gone, this would be all well and good.
He’s also told her that she only has to tell him to stop, and he’s not insisting on a safeword, probably since she forgot last time. And that’s good.
I feel like I need to point out where this book gets things right, but even when it’s right, it’s already buried itself in so much wrong that there’s no digging out.
March 11 at 5:42pm
‘We’re lovers, Anastasia. Lovers don’t need safewords.’ He frowns. ‘Do they?’
Depends on what they’re doing together.
Dominants and submissives don’t have to be lovers. You can have really amazing, intense sessions together without any actual physical contact or sex. But they can be lovers, too. The presence or absence of whips and chains does not define whether or not people are lovers.
March 11 at 5:44pm
He picked up the cue. Her reaction?
Oh fuck, what’s he going to do with that? A frisson of fear runs through me.
That is so sad.
March 11 at 9:49pm
I flush, and my inner goddess grabs a rose between her teeth and starts to tango.
The inner goddess is still the bestworst part of this.
March 11 at 5:49pm
She tells him to stop and he immediately does, which is how it’s supposed to work.
March 11 at 5:53pm
The actual sex in this is so repetitive. Take a shot whenever Christian sticks two fingers in her and moves them in a circular motion.
March 11 at 5:54pm
Christian and Ana are back in the bath. Same one I pointed out was really shallow in the last book.
They’re chin-deep in foam.
Now I have so many questions and I’m positive there are absolutely no good answers.
March 13 at 5:53pm
‘I find it very difficult to say no to you,’ he mutters as if he senses this is a failing on his part.
1) Take a shot.
2) He seems to have difficulty with ‘no’ all around.
March 13 at 5:54pm
Breakfast is still pancakes and bacon.
If you’ve read Gone Girl, then you’ll understand exactly why whenever there’s automatically pancakes and bacon, all I can think is ‘dusty rose.’
March 13 at 6:06pm
Every time Christian tells her, again, that he doesn’t want her to ever leave him again, all I can picture is a room with SHE SAID SHE’D NEVER LEAVE written all over the walls in blood.
March 13 at 6:10pm
Hope I never leave? Does he want me to move in? Holy Moses…I barely know the man.
1) Take a shot.
2) We are witnessing here a rare moment of clarity. I doubt it’ll last.
March 13 at 6:11pm
Ana’s boss wants her to go with him to a fiction symposium in New York. That would be such an awesome opportunity.
What are the odds Christian stands for it?
(Other option: she gets to go, but Christian goes with. It would get them out of town while his people deal with the stalker problem. And if the stalker follows them, her family is apparently on that coast.
I think I care more about the stalker than I do about the main characters.)
March 13 at 6:13pm
He did ask her to move in.
They’ve known each other a month. They were broken up less than a week ago.
Can you make second date U-Haul jokes about straight couples, or is that reserved for lesbians?
March 13 at 6:15pm
I haven’t had a moment to myself to think through and understand all that I have experienced and discovered these last two days.
Letting you think through and understand everything you’ve experienced in the last month is the last thing in the world Christian wants. Why do you think he crashed your trip home?
March 13 at 6:16pm
Yup, he’s forbidding her to go.
Because it’s not like she’s an adult, or like this is a good career move for her. Her boss will be there, so he says no.
March 13 at 6:17pm
“It’s not my fucking knickers I am worried about.
The answer is NO.”
Fuck’s sake. This from the dude who said in the last book that relationships like theirs are built on trust.
I honestly don’t know if he assumes that Ana will eagerly hop into bed with just anyone or if he assumes everyone out there is a rapist.
Although I guess projection can be hard to spot sometimes.
March 13 at 6:20pm
And Ana (who Christian insists has a communication problem) tells him he needs to trust her already.
Because for all her faults (and there are plenty), Ana is remarkably good at speaking up for what she wants.
She’s rubbish at standing by it once she does, but that’s a different issue.
March 13 at 6:22pm
Christian calls her to bitch her out for getting too private in a work email, which…she didn’t even have email a month ago. Like she should be trusted to know how to use it appropriately.
It does nicely move the fight from Christian being controlling to Ana being in the wrong, so nice move there, I guess.
March 13 at 6:26pm
And Christian put a stop to all travel without approval from upper management because Christian is a fucking monster.
March 13 at 6:27pm
“I am just protecting what is mine.
The e-mail that you so rashly sent is wiped from the SIP server now, as are me e-mails to you.
Incidentally, I trust you implicitly. It’s him I don’t trust.”
What this email is really saying:
You have no free will and cannot do anything unless I approve it because I own you.
I have fixed your fuck up, you should be thanking me instead of fighting with me.
I don’t trust you, but if I let on, you might catch on to how awful all this is, so I’m making it sound like I’m protecting you instead.
March 13 at 6:30pm
She points out it’s controlling and wrong.
I think one of the most frustrating things about reading this book is that Ana KNOWS how awful Christian is and she keeps talking herself into thinking he’s great.
March 13 at 6:31pm
And of course he has an apartment in New York.
And of course he’s skipping over the whole ‘this is a job opportunity, not a pleasure cruise’ portion of the whole thing.
March 13 at 6:33pm
And Christian officially managed to tank the trip for her, because again, he’s a controlling shitheel.
March 13 at 6:34pm
I have never had dreams of obscene wealth and all the trappings–only love. To find someone who loves me and doesn’t try to control my every move.
Run, girl.
Seriously, Christian doesn’t try to control your every move. He succeeds.
March 13 at 6:37pm
She runs out to get lunch for her boss, which is breaking her promise to not go out at lunch, and she immediately gets a call from Christian to yell at her for going out.
She accuses him of being suffocating, which…I mean, he bought the company she works for. And he immediately interfered in that New York trip.
‘Anastasia, I don’t want to suffocate you,’ he says quietly, appalled.
RUN, GIRL!
Dude is, at best, a sociopath.
March 13 at 6:39pm
I have never felt more like running.
Listen to your gut, Ana.
March 13 at 6:39pm
On one level, I know he’s broken–I can see that clearly now–and it’s both heartbreaking and exhausting. From the small pieces of precious information that he’s given me about his life, I understand why. An unloved child; a hideously abusive environment; a mother who couldn’t protect him, whom he couldn’t protect, and who died in front of him.
All of that happened before he was five years old.
And I don’t want to downplay how awful all of that is, or how it could resonate through his life. But to excuse his controlling behavior, his stalking, his emotional and physical abuse of her because of that?
No.
That is a disservice to people who have survived abuse.
That’s without getting to the fact that he was then adopted by a family that still loves him. He’s said that his adoptive mother understood and respected his boundaries. He’s theoretically in therapy now. He’s living a life of tremendous wealth and privilege. Who he is was not shaped entirely by those first four years, and to assume that he can’t have moved on or healed (with the help of his family and the therapy and other services they could afford for him) is just so deeply insulting.
March 13 at 6:47pm
And her boss has crossed the line from being over-friendly to definite creeper.
Because in this story, no one is allowed to just be a normal person.
March 13 at 6:49pm
Take a shot whenever someone says something darkly.
March 13 at 6:51pm
Other reason her boss had to cross the line: so Ana can be glad Christian was protecting her, not angry he was invading her space.
March 13 at 6:51pm
Take a shot whenever someone’s eyes are dark.
March 13 at 6:54pm
And plot in the form of an inappropriate boss successfully stops Ana from taking her own doubts seriously.
His words are intoxicating, all my angst from the day forgotten.
That was not angst. That was a lot of legitimate and reasonable concern getting torpedoed by your libido.
March 13 at 7:03pm
It makes me feel powerful, strong, desired, and loved–loved by this captivating, complicated man, whom I love in return with all my heart.
Yeah, but how did you feel when he pulled strings to ruin your trip to New York? How powerful and strong did you feel then?
March 13 at 7:04pm
Christian just put another condom in his pants pocket.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he’s not just leaving it in the elevator, but still.
March 13 at 7:06pm
And you know he doesn’t do his own laundry. What are the odds he remembers to throw it away rather than leaving someone else to find it later?
March 13 at 7:06pm
“Well, now that you are more docile, Miss Steele, shall we talk about today?”
I almost punched my Kindle.
March 13 at 7:08pm
Ana just talked to Christian about how she needs more freedom and she needs to make mistakes and how he needs to lay off and stop being so controlling…and she’s bargaining for that by promising to move in with him.
That is such a terrible fucking idea for reasons I’ve been ranting on and on about for tens of thousands of words now.
March 13 at 7:10pm
And now he’s freaked out that she’ll move in even though it was his idea because he does not want a girlfriend or partner or lover or even a submissive. He wants an animated RealDoll.
March 13 at 7:12pm
“I can’t promise not to interfere, not if I think you’ll come to harm.”
Kiss you career, freedom, and life goodbye, Ana.
March 13 at 7:12pm
“I love you, Anastasia. I will do everything in my power to protect you. I cannot imagine my life without you.”
My Kindle says this passage has been highlighted 1,900 times.
I have a sneaking suspicion it wasn’t because all those people were thinking of this guy.
March 13 at 7:15pm
‘Good night,’ I mutter, my voice sounds cold.
1) Take a shot.
2) A comma does not fix a run-on sentence.
March 13 at 8:47pm
“Why the fuck do you want to know about her? We had a very long-standing affair, she beat the shit out of me often, and I fucked her in all sorts of ways you can’t even imagine, end of story.”
Ok, so Christian is talking about an affair that started when he was 15, with a married woman the age of his mother.
Nothing about that description is acceptable.
And I know 15 year olds have sex all the time. And some of that sex involves kinky stuff. But there’s still a huge problem with someone in their 40s hooking up with a 15 year old, and it’s way, way less ok when that person makes the teenager their sex slave.
March 13 at 9:16pm
I pale. Shit, he’s angry–with me. I blink at him. ‘Why are you so angry?’
‘Because all of that shit is over!’ he shouts, glowering at me.
YOU CHANGED COMPANY POLICY TO PREVENT HER FROM GOING ON A BUSINESS TRIP WITH HER BOSS–AND THERE WAS NOTHING THERE. AT LEAST YOU HAVE A SEXUAL HISTORY WITH THE PERSON ANA’S JEALOUS OVER.
(Not to mention his shit with Jose. And Paul. And Taylor.)
March 13 at 9:18pm
He’s having this conversation through gritted teeth. And it’s this whole combination of shaming and manipulating that’s really a little impressive, except for the part where it’s awful.
I have like a book and a half left about this relationship, and I think that’s the most upsetting part of all of it.
March 13 at 9:20pm
It would be way easier on Christian if Ana would just be friends with his former molester. Because Ana has to compromise, not Christian.
Also, his way of ‘resolving’ all this is the most charming thing ever:
‘And quite frankly, I’m really bored of this subject. I’m going to do some work.’ He stands and gazes down at me. ‘Let it go. Please.’
Zero points awarded for the ‘please.’
March 13 at 9:25pm
Oh, and her new car arrived a day early, but she’s not allowed to drive it.
March 13 at 9:25pm
‘I wasn’t aware we were fighting. I thought we were communicating,’ I mumble petulantly.
1) Take a shot.
2) She has spent this whole conversation afraid him. But she’s going to move in with him.
March 13 at 9:27pm
Why can’t I take a little more pain for my man?
You know, I said earlier that Ana was asking all the right questions?
That is not one of them.
March 13 at 9:29pm
When she was drunk and a borderline stranger, Christian undressed her before putting her to bed in a hotel room.
Now that they’re in a relationship and at his house, he put her to bed and left her robe on.
March 13 at 9:31pm
Is it a good idea at all to have sex on top of a piano?
That just sounds like something that’s likely to end badly.
March 13 at 9:35pm
And it’s pancakes and bacon for breakfast for Ana again.
I’m tempted to add pancakes to the drinking game, but really, murmur, mutter, whisper, and gasp should obliterate anyone.
March 13 at 9:47pm
Referring to his PA:
‘She’s not mine. She works for me. You’re mine.’
‘I work for you,’ I mutter sourly.
He grins as if he’s forgotten. ‘So you do.’ His beaming smile is infection.
Don’t smile at him. Don’t let him get away with that shit, or be proud of it.
March 13 at 9:49pm
In the last book, I mentioned that there were some touches and flourishes that hinted at something clever and maybe good?
I just realized. They’re all gone.
March 13 at 9:50pm
His cook or whatever she is now makes Ana’s lunch for her, again without her input.
I’m starting to think that putting her foot down over the proscribed list of foods was a waste of effort.
March 13 at 9:51pm
He has a hotline to my groin, I gasp and glance nervously at Taylor and Sawyer, then at Christian, and his eyes are darker.
The style that pulled the last one together is long gone, but at least the terrible grammar is still intact.
March 13 at 9:55pm
(Also, take a shot,)
March 13 at 9:55pm
Take a shot whenever Christian is described as godlike, a Greek god, Adonis, etc.
March 13 at 10:07pm
Maybe this is what it will be like, good days and bad days, and if the good days are like this, I won’t have much to complain about.
Of course there will be good days and bad days, but seriously, if the bad days include threats and beatings and fear, then the good days cannot be good enough to justify the bad ones.
March 13 at 10:09pm
Ana’s staring at Christian’s stalker, who’s holding a gun.
My subconscious swoons into a dead faint, and I don’t think even smelling salts will bring her back.
Her subconscious would be entertaining if they’d included her in the movie, but she’s really pretty useless.
March 14 at 12:54am
Take a shot whenever Ana’s scalp prickles.
March 14 at 12:54am
Ana is terrible in a crisis.
And EL James knows nothing about stalkers or people with mental illnesses.
March 14 at 12:57am
His army training would have kicked in, and he’d have disarmed her by now.
That’s not actually how that usually works, but whatever.
March 14 at 12:57am
Leila’s written like a malfunctioning android.
March 14 at 1:01am
She’s like a fallen ethereal wraith.
Now that’s just word salad.
March 14 at 1:02am
‘Why does Master like us like this? It makes me think something…something…Master is dark…Master is a dark man, but I love him.’
No, no, he’s not. I bristle internally. He’s not dark. He’s a good man, and he’s not in the dark. He’s joined me in the light. And now she’s here, trying to drag him back with some warped idea that she loves him.
Even while there’s a gun pointed at her, Ana worries about all the wrong things.
March 14 at 1:05am
Seriously, nothing about this stalker plot makes sense.
March 14 at 1:05am
There is literally a crazy woman with a gun right there, and Ana’s worried that Christian loves the crazy woman.
It is so dumb that I’m in pain.
March 14 at 1:08am
Christian picked up the gun, gave it a look, and stuck it in his pocket.
I hope he at least checked to make sure the safety was on first.
Although really, if he blows his balls off, he won’t have to worry about wearing condoms anymore.
March 14 at 1:09am
The overwrought “Christian really wants Leila because she’s the perfect sub” drama happening during this hostage situation is so dumb. It’s reaching through the book and murdering my brain cells.
I’m worried having this book on my Kindle is going to somehow corrupt the other books. It’s going to creep out and leave unnecessary commas and run-on sentences and extra adjectives.
Or worse, it’s going to cause some kind of book lycanthropy that’ll make all of the characters miserable bastards.
March 14 at 1:13am
And Christian’s been so terrible so far that part of me isn’t sure if I’m giving him way too much credit by thinking he won’t do anything sexual or kinky or fake BDSM-like with Leila while she’s clearly so deeply compromised.
Because he’s a fucking monster.
March 14 at 1:15am
‘Hey,’ Ethan whispers and pulls me close once more. ‘Has anyone called the cops?’
Ethan is not an idiot. (Also, take a shot.)
“No, it’s not like that.”
Ana is.
March 14 at 1:16am
Christian is up in her apartment with a disturbed woman, and Ana assumes there’s sex stuff going on, so it’s ok for her and her friend to go to a bar.
I just…what?
Seriously, what?
March 14 at 1:18am
I can’t talk about this–I have signed an NDA. And for the first time, I really resent that fact, plus that Christian’s said nothing about rescinding it.
YOU ARE JUST NOW RESENTING THAT FUCKING NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT? SERIOUSLY?
March 14 at 1:19am
Ethan is awesome. He’s got that in common with his sister.
He tells her about what happened on vacation and what’s up with Kate and to Ana, it’s just a distraction.
Meanwhile, Christian is doing whatever with Leila (is it giving him too much credit to think he’s just talking her down and waiting for a doctor? He’s supposed to be a romantic hero, and while he’s definitely not, I’d think people in general wouldn’t forgive him for that, right? Please tell me I’m right this time), and Ana’s sitting in a bar having beers.
Ana is horrible.
March 14 at 1:23am
And this whole thing where they’ve refused to involve the police, and Christian is using his personal therapist, who turned up with a nurse or something, and they’re carting Leila away God knows where, it’s just creepy as fuck. I can’t help but feel like the only interests being looked out for in regard to Leila are Christian’s.
March 14 at 1:25am
Meanwhile, Ana’s just devastated because maybe Christian loves Leila, which is just so fucking stupid.
And Leila’s maybe off to indefinite imprisonment, or maybe Christian’s boat, where he can take his time cutting her into little pieces and scattering her in the sound.
March 14 at 1:27am
Ethan drops her off at Christian’s apartment. It’s like the cold open for an episode of Without a Trace.
March 14 at 1:29am
Christian is mad at Ana (this time I’m kind of on his side because oh my gods, she is so stupid I had to take some Tylenol), and she’s mad at Christian because he was with his ex, and I’m kind of hoping no one told me they kill each other in the middle of the second book and the rest of the series is about Kate and Elliot.
March 14 at 1:31am
Ana maybe wants to leave so she can get some distance and think about things? And she’s also drunk? Because she’s so upset about his connection with Leila, who he hasn’t been with for years. And who he claims is in a psychiatric hospital right now, but I don’t know, maybe she’s actually busy dissolving in a barrel of acid? No way I believe Christian Grey isn’t a serial killer.
Like, there are 5,000 reasons to leave Christian Grey, and Ana’s still worrying about all the wrong things.
March 14 at 1:39am
And Mr. Communication, instead of talking to her at all, just fell to the floor and shut down, which is the shittiest, most manipulative trick in the book for trapping someone who’s trying to leave you. It’s right up there with threatening suicide if someone leaves.
March 14 at 1:40am
Ana’s worried about trying to dominate Christian, but this is not a sex game.
This is not D/s. This is manipulation and abuse, and it is working.
March 14 at 1:42am
So Ana tells him she just needs to think and she just needs space, but she spends a lot more time talking about how awful she is and how she can’t meet his needs and how he’s just so amazing and perfect and a God. And he waits until she’s literally begging him before he talks to her at all.
And it is shitty and gross and manipulative.
March 14 at 1:46am
He’s letting her touch his chest. It’s hard for him.
This would be really sweet and moving if it weren’t a reward for Ana promising not to leave him.
March 14 at 1:50am
“I’m a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore–my birth mother. I’m sure you can guess why.”
Ok, so there are two kinds of sadist out there in the world (well, probably more, but we’re making a basic split here).
There’s the kind who are into BDSM. They like giving pain to people who like taking it. There are all kinds of reasons, but these are decent people you could totally know without ever realizing it. They play by the rules of safe, sane, and consensual.
Then you have the types of sadists who like hurting people, which is entirely different from giving pain. They’re the type of people who will torture animals and maybe target prostitutes or the homeless or other vulnerable people, and some of them graduate all the way up to murder or serial murder.
That confession? It’s not coming from a happy fun sadist who’s into BDSM.
Basically, change your name and run, Ana.
March 14 at 1:56am
Then it hits me like a wrecking ball. If he’s a sadist, he really needs all that whipping and caning shit.
If he were a happy fun sadist, then that’d be cool. And he’d be hooking up with a happy fun masochist, who’ll want the take the pain he wants to give, and everything will be great for everyone.
But he’s not, so he doesn’t need whipping and caning shit. He needs therapy at the absolute least.
March 14 at 1:58am
Christian is telling Ana that her magic vagina has cured him of his sadism.
(Well, her love. Whatever.)
And that’s why this is a fantasy, not reality.
March 14 at 1:59am
He’s reassuring her that he can’t do the heavy stuff to her because she doesn’t want it and because she’s made him all better and whatever and I know I’m supposed to think this is romantic or touching or something, but with the book and a half behind it, all I can think is how pretty it sounds up until Ana rolls her eyes at him and he snaps and beats her to death.
Then he gets away with it because he’s a young white billionaire.
March 14 at 2:02am
Ana uses the word ‘cathartic’ a lot, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t actually know what it means.
March 14 at 2:04am
And Ana is staying with Christian despite clearly outlining all of the excellent reasons she should get the hell out right now, because there’s another book of this shit.
It’s probably for the best. There’s probably an extra acid barrel waiting for Ana in case she decided to leave.
March 14 at 2:05am
Christian “Oedipus Complex” Grey just asked Ana to marry him.
I know they get married, but I didn’t realize the proposal (at least the first one? Surely she’s not dumb enough to accept this one. Yeah, I know she probably is) came so soon or was so stupid.
One of the dangerous things about abusive relationships is how fast you get sucked in. And yeah, there are people out there who met the right person and just knew and they got married fast and lived together and died happily on the same day when they were both in their 90’s.
Whenever you walk about any sociological theory, people chime in with someone they know who doesn’t fit the theory. I had a professor who called it the Uncle Bob problem. It’s why sociology is fascinating and complicated and makes hard science people crazy. So whatever your Uncle Bob or Aunt Bobbie did, the truth is that a relationship that moves super fast is a huge red flag.
And besides–Ana KNOWS this isn’t working and can’t work. She’s been, on some level, screaming about it from the moment it started.
But it’s a fantasy and a romance so it’s not an abusive nightmare that’s going to end up as a ripped from the headlines episode of Law and Order: SVU.
March 14 at 2:12am
She does not immediately accept his proposal, and she lists off all the excellent reasons she should be saying no, but it wasn’t a no and it wasn’t a yes, which means ask again at a more opportune moment.
And within seconds we get:
‘You didn’t eat.’ His eyes frost and his jaw hardens.
Fuck’s sake. Run, girl.
March 14 at 2:16am
And he talks her into eating even though she wants to go to bed and told him multiple times that she didn’t want to eat.
I hate this book so much, you guys.
March 14 at 2:18am
He’s apologizing for Leila.
He hasn’t apologized for the horrible, invasive ways he’s taken over her life or controlled her, but he’ll go for a strategic apology about something he didn’t personally, directly do.
March 14 at 2:20am
‘I didn’t know where you were. You left your purse, your phone. I couldn’t even track you. Where did you go?’ he asks. His voice is soft, but there’s an ominous undercurrent to his words.
She went to a bar with a friend. It was a stupid time to do it, but she had told Taylor about it.
And he was willing to track her phone over it, even though the “danger” was up in her apartment with Christian at the time.
But there’s a hint about how she can get away. Put ‘new phone’ on your list, Ana.
March 14 at 2:21am
…He gave Leila a bath. And some of Ana’s clothes.
That’s…um…pretty much why authorities should have been involved.
And seriously, he gave away Ana’s clothes?
March 14 at 2:23am
Try to rationalize this, my subconscious coaches.
Ana’s subconscious is not helpful.
March 14 at 2:23am
Ana’s being bitchy about his maybe wanting sympathy, but Leila deserves some.
Of course, crazy women aren’t supposed to get sympathy. They’re just plot devices. Or cautionary tales. And if they don’t have the good sense to kill themselves, they either get killed or they’re pushed somewhere out of sight and out of mind and then no one has to talk about them again because it’s not as though they have lives or might ever continue to live.
March 14 at 2:30am
I have never hated Ana as much as I hate her for her attitude toward Leila.
March 14 at 2:31am
‘Don’t. It doesn’t man anything. It was like caring for a child, a broken, shattered child,’ he mutters.
What the hell would he know about caring for a child? This was a woman he had a very full-on, deviant sexual relationship with.
Oh, this hurts. I take a deep, steadying breath. Or perhaps he’s referring to himself. He’s the broken child. That makes more sense…or maybe it makes no sense at all.
Ana is the fucking worst.
She nicknamed Leila ‘Ghost Girl.’ She was wasted away, dirty, living in the same clothes for who knows how long. She had at least one suicide attempt behind her, and she was all alone in the world.
And Ana cannot scrape together one ounce of compassion for her. But successful, controlling, abusive billionaire Christian Grey? She’ll look at him as a broken child.
March 14 at 2:35am
My lips smirk with irony of this reality.
…What?
March 14 at 2:37am
I wonder once more if I should talk to Dr. Flynn. Would Christian let me? Perhaps he could fill in the gaps.
…Not if he’s even remotely ethical, he can’t.
March 14 at 2:38am
Ana gets up in the middle of the night for a drink, and Christian has a screaming nightmare because she left.
Even if that’s 100% honest, that’s not healthy.
March 14 at 2:40am
They’re making out in the bed and Ana has asked him to stop twice now, and both times he has completely ignored her.
Christian Grey is a fucking monster.
March 14 at 2:42am
‘No, please. I can’t do this, not now. I need some time, please.’
‘Oh, Ana, don’t overthink this,’ he whispers as he nips my earlobe.
That is no more appropriate in context than it is out of context.
March 14 at 2:42am
So after he kept pushing and touching and asking, he finally says:
“You want to do this? You can still say no. You can always say no.”
She said no. Twice. She can say it all she wants, he just doesn’t listen.
(Also, he murmured that, so take a shot.)
March 14 at 2:45am
That whole sex scene was gross and weird.
March 14 at 2:48am
“I was serious about marrying you. We can get to know each other then.”
Ever wonder why the divorce rate is so high in the US?
March 14 at 6:18pm
Also, Ana has asked if she can see Christian’s therapist. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t realize that she doesn’t want a therapy session for herself, she wants the therapist to tell her all about Christian.
Which is really not how therapy works.
March 14 at 6:19pm
Also? Christian wraps himself around Ana while she sleeps, and she’s always unhappy with it when she wakes up.
Remove all the other nonsense and that still doesn’t say ‘long term compatibility.’
March 14 at 6:20pm
“Just-fucked hair” has become my least favorite description of anything, ever.
Also, since they had sex, then slept for hours, that’s no longer ‘just-fucked.’ That’s regular bedhead.
March 14 at 6:22pm
She kisses him and she’s glad she’s just brushed her teeth, but he hasn’t.
March 14 at 6:23pm
Ana’s late to work. It’s her second week. Her boss is shouting at her, but not anything unreasonable. She can’t figure out why he’s mad.
Ana’s still dumb as a brick.
March 14 at 6:25pm
And her boss is waiting for her to do something, but she’s emailing Christian on her work computer and using her Blackberry.
She’s not a very good employee.
March 14 at 6:27pm
I haven’t seen or heard from Jose since his show. I didn’t even ask him how it went or if he sold any more pictures. Some friend I am.
She’s only just realizing she’s shitty friend.
March 14 at 6:28pm
So, I could spend the evening with Jose on Friday. How will Christian like that? I become aware that I am biting my lip till it hurts. Oh, that man has double standards. He can–I shudder at the thought-bathe his batshit ex-lover, but I will probably get a truckload of grief for wanting to have a drink with Jose.
Leave.
For real, get out of there. Because you are 100% aware it’s bad, and it’s this bad after only a month.
March 14 at 6:30pm
So, she blew into work late. Her boss had a letter he needed typed right away. Instead of doing that, she fucked around with email and took a personal call, and when he asked about the letter, she finally started it, and she didn’t even proofread or anything, so it’s full of typos. So he tells her to do it again (although it wasn’t on a typewriter or anything, so unless she didn’t save, it’d really be correcting it, right? Which shouldn’t take long).
Her reaction?
Fuck. He’s beginning to sound like someone I know, but rudeness from Christian I can tolerate. Jack is beginning to piss me off.
So do your fucking job. Jesus.
March 14 at 6:33pm
(I mean, the stuff where he’s been coming onto her and invading her personal space and stuff, that’s unacceptable. But everything he’s done so far today is nothing.)
March 14 at 6:34pm
She’s being such a shit about doing her job, too.
She asks him if something is wrong, which is fair enough.
‘No.’ His answer is concise, rude, and dismissive.
It’s concise. It’s also all the answer she’s entitled to. It’s not rude, and since he’s her boss, dismissive is also acceptable. But now she thinks he suffers from a personality disorder.
Considering she thought Christian might have dissociative personality disorder (and she confused it with schizophrenia), I’m not trusting her off-the-cuff diagnoses.
March 14 at 6:37pm
And Ana takes more personal calls and does a personal errand and her boss is still pissy for some very strange reason.
And Christian meanwhile is the kind of guy who sends an email, then another email, then a third one because he’s worried he hasn’t heard from you while you were supposedly working.
That is not romantic behavior. It’s creepy and obsessive.
March 14 at 6:41pm
And her boss told her to take a 45 minute lunch to make up for the 15 she was late, and she….took a whole hour.
March 14 at 6:47pm
And she’s still emailing Christian from her work computer, because she’s incapable of following instructions or common sense.
March 14 at 6:48pm
So Ana’s boss has gone all cartoon villain, and he’s trying to blackmail her because Christian has been butting in on her work, which is a dumbassed plan (and also reason for Ana to be pissed about Christian taking over). Then he says this:
‘You are such a tight-assed, cock-blocking, prick tease, you know, Ana,’ he whispers through clenched teeth.
1) Take a shot.
2) There are at least two extra commas in that sentence.
3) This is like textbook sexual harassment. There’s probably some terrible workplace training video out there that is this exact scene.
4) I so badly want the resolution to this to be a successful sexual harassment lawsuit, but I’ll bet anything Christian saves the day instead.
March 14 at 11:31pm
Ana just twisted (maybe broke?) one of his fingers and kneed him in the groin.
In a just world, he’d be in trouble for cornering and harassing her, but I can’t help but feel like she’d more likely be fired and possibly arrested for assault.
March 14 at 11:34pm
And it’s Christian to the rescue, and he’s getting an IT guy to wipe all of Ana’s emails and he’s angry at her for not using her Blackberry and I hate this book so much.
March 14 at 11:36pm
And he’s cussing at her and threatening her and…
You know what?
On a basic level, I’m on Christian’s side this time. He asked her to use her private email, and that’s just good sense. Don’t use your work email for flirty stuff or naughty talk no matter who you are, but most especially if your boyfriend is a billionaire sociopath who just secretly bought the place where you work. Ana’s stupid and wrong on that front.
However, he kept sending her emails at her work address, and even starting the conversations, which is at least as stupid on his part, if not more so.
And even then, physically threatening your significant other is not ok.
Seriously.
Even if you’re super mad.
Actually, especially if you’re super mad.
March 14 at 11:43pm
‘Christian, why are you so mad at me?’ I whisper as we wait.
‘You know why,’ he mutters as we step into the elevator.
1) Take two shots.
2) OH MY GODS, I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE, DON’T DO THAT.
March 14 at 11:45pm
I feel like we don’t get to see or hear 90% of the interesting stuff that happens in this book because Ana isn’t paying attention, doesn’t want to know, or is deliberately excluded.
It’s really frustrating.
March 14 at 11:47pm
Jose is coming to town and Ana wants to hang out with him that night, which is reasonable, but Christian is a jealous ass, so it’s a fight.
“He’s my friend, Christian. I haven’t seen him since his show. An that was too brief. I know you don’t have any friends, apart from that god-awful woman, but I don’t moan about you seeing her.”
Um…yes, Ana. Yes you do.
March 14 at 11:52pm
I get up just in case his palms start twitching, clear our plates, and then load them into the dishwasher.
Remember, if his palms are twitching, it’s because he literally wants to beat her. And that’s somehow become a joke, but it’s still a concern that makes her get up during a conversation, just in case.
March 14 at 11:53pm
Ana’s wandered alone into the playroom. Her thoughts while she’s there?
This is what I need to square with Dr. Flynn. Can someone in this lifestyle just stop?
I really, really hate the ‘fixing someone means getting rid of their kinks’ thing going on in this book. People who are into BDSM or any other consensual fun time are not broken.
And even the people who are into it who do have any sort of mental health issue are not broken because of the kink, and the kink isn’t a symptom of being broken. So if you’re with someone who is depressed or has anxiety or a really traumatic childhood or whatever, treating and recovering from those won’t somehow make them not kinky.
There are treatments out there designed to ‘fix’ sexual orientation, gender identity, kinks, etc, but those tend to do far more harm than good (assuming they’re doing any good at all).
Basically, shitty message, shitty book.
March 15 at 12:01am
Also, also. Ana doesn’t know what sex toys look like. Christian just caught her trying to figure out what a butt plug is.
March 15 at 12:02am
Ana’s scared because Christian might be mad. Which is so sad, and again, a blinking sign announcing RUN, GIRL.
She even told Christian she was scared because he’s mad at her all the time, so he’s going to list all the times he hasn’t been mad at her, which…is not actually the most productive way to have that conversation.
March 15 at 12:04am
And he immediately distracted her, so there’s no need to discuss his anger management issues.
March 15 at 12:07am
He buys new toys for each submissive, which is a good idea. I wonder if the old subs got to keep the toys. Those things aren’t cheap.
March 15 at 12:08am
Going through all the sex toys should have happened way sooner.
Possibly during talks over his contract.
March 15 at 12:16am
It was sort of cute until they got to the gags, and Christian is apparently completely unaware of non-verbal safewords.
But then his thing has never been about the sub having control. It’s about him, always.
March 15 at 12:16am
About Christian not wanting to go into the playroom:
“I’m like a recovering alcoholic, okay? That’s the only comparison I can draw. The compulsion has gone, but I don’t want to put temptation in my way. I don’t want to hurt you.”
I can see why the BDSM community hates these books.
Also, I’m pretty sure that if you squint and look really close at the blinking RUN, GIRL sign, the letters are all made out of that speech.
March 15 at 12:20am
He’s completely guileless, and he takes my breath away.
Only one of those things is true.
March 15 at 12:21am
Christian’s maid sees Christian heading to the bedroom with Ana over his shoulder and a spreader bar in one hand.
I bet she’s got the best stories.
March 15 at 12:22am
Ana thinks he’s beautiful because of his fear.
That’s creepy.
March 15 at 12:23am
I’m not really sure what the purpose of the whole stalking thing was. It barely showed up, it’s already resolved, and there’s so much of this book left.
Bad pacing, bad plotting.
March 15 at 12:25am
‘Whoa!’ he gasps.
Two shots.
March 15 at 12:25am
EL James doesn’t know what ‘omniscient’ means.
March 15 at 12:28am
My inner goddess’s head is thrown back in ecstasy, and he comes, loudly and wetly, into my mouth.
*horf*
March 15 at 12:27am
“I want to possess every inch of you. You’re mine.”
I know that’s the kind of thing that some people might find sweet or sexy or romantic or whatever, but seriously? That line gave me a full body shudder.
March 15 at 12:48am
They just had sex. They’re doing the post-coital cuddling thing. It’s all perfectly nice. Then:
He needs me…needs me…and as I finally slip into the darkness, my last thoughts are of a small boy with gray eyes and dirty, messy, copper-colored hair smiling shyly at me.
This is the day after the ‘you look like my mother, I like beating women who look like my mother’ revelation, so that’s really even grosser than it seems.
March 15 at 12:51am
They’re getting ready to have sex and Ana giggled and Christian got really gross and I have all three books in a single bundle on my Kindle, so I know I’m only 56% of the way through the whole trilogy and it makes me want to go raid my bar and start actually playing the drinking game.
March 15 at 12:54am
Ana asked for granola for breakfast.
I am genuinely surprised that Christian didn’t override her and demand she have pancakes and bacon.
March 15 at 12:55am
Also, Christian just said he’d love to take Ana shopping. Her response?
Hmm–shopping. I hate shopping.
Ana hates everything.
March 15 at 12:55am
Christian is “letting” Ana drive her new car.
And he just snapped at her for wanting the radio on because he wants her to concentrate.
March 15 at 12:58am
Ana also doesn’t know how to get out of a car while wearing a pencil skirt.
March 15 at 12:59am
Anastasia the intern, who was hired less than two weeks ago and who graduated less than a month ago, has just been asked to take over her boss’ position since he just left.
Forget the billionaire, Ana’s already living a fantasy life.
March 15 at 1:02am
She just called Christian to ask if he had anything to do with her promotion. He said no, and she pressed a little.
“Do you doubt me? It angers me that you do.”
He bought the company where she got a job and then got her boss fired. Was it really so unreasonable to think he’d pull some extra strings for this?
Also? Christian is the worst.
March 15 at 1:04am
Christian sends her flowers. The note includes:
“No help from your overfriendly, neighborhood, megalomaniac CEO.”
So you don’t have to know how to use commas in order to become a billionaire.
March 15 at 1:09am
They’re at the therapist’s office.
This whole thing makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
March 15 at 1:17am
“Ana, in the very limited time that you’ve known him, you’ve made more progress with my patient than I have in the last two years. You have had a profound effect on him. You must see that.”
If you just hear a scream echoing in the distance, that was me.
March 15 at 1:19am
This entire therapy session is infuriating.
Take everything about movie psychology that has ever pissed you off and multiply it.
March 15 at 1:21am
Dr. Flynn actually rolls his eyes, and his mouth presses into a hard line. ‘That’s no longer recognized as a psychiatric term. I don’t know how many times I have told him that. It’s not even classified as a paraphilia anymore, not since the nineties.’
That was his response to Ana mentioning that Christian is a sadist. And not a word of what he said is true, especially not in 2011.
And that’s true whether you’re talking DSM or ICD.
March 15 at 1:27am
There’s been some controversy about whether or not paraphilias should be included at all, but as long as there are people whose lives and functioning are significantly impacted by a paraphilia (or who become dangerous to others because of it), they’re going to stay.
It’s like the difference between people who are kind of organized who giggle about being ‘so OCD’ and people who actually have obsessive compulsive personality disorder. There may be some traits in common, but one person has a disorder and one doesn’t, and just because there’s someone who has those traits but who functions just fine doesn’t mean the whole thing should get taken out of the DSM.
…That’s probably a terrible analogy, but hopefully my basic point got through.
March 15 at 1:35am
I hate every single thing about this whole therapy session.
All of it.
Up to and including the doctor willfully ignoring the abusive relationship in front of him in order to encourage Ana to stick with him, since the power of her love will cure him or whatever the fuck.
Hate it so, so much.
March 15 at 1:39am
Oh my fucking gods, it just keeps getting so much worse.
March 15 at 1:40am
(Skipping over more ‘Christian is a jealous shitheel’ stuff with Jose, because I have nothing new to say about how stupid it is…)
Christian is driving Ana’s car. She asked if she could drive and he refused. Why?
“Because I don’t like to be driven.”
…He has a driver.
Ana calls him out on that stupid shit immediately, at least.
March 15 at 1:45am
Christian is totally one of those assholes who can’t shut up about your driving and can’t stop grabbing stuff because he’s afraid for his life.
Ana pulled over and got out and is refusing to drive.
I’m on her side on this one.
March 15 at 1:47am
Also, the therapist called sexual sadism a lifestyle choice, not a psychiatric condition.
The terminology gets switched up all the time, but seriously? Sexual sadism is the term that gets used for the kinds of sadists who get featured on Criminal Minds. They’re the people who like hurting non-consenting people. They’re the rapists and murderers who are not a part of the BDSM community because it’s not about a lifestyle choice or about sexy fun times.
It’s just such a stupid fucking mistake to make in a book supposedly about kinky sex, and wedging it into the mouth of a therapist is irresponsible.
March 15 at 1:53am
And Christian is totally one of those people who will pester you for details about something, then get pissed at you when he gets the answer.
March 15 at 1:54am
And then he asks for more details. While he’s already pissed.
March 15 at 1:55am
So Christian has taken Anastasia to an enormous house and asked her to keep an open mind. They’ve met a sharply dressed, professional woman, then walked into a completely empty house.
Christian takes her out back, where the view is absolutely amazing. What does Ana think?
‘You brought me here to admire the view?’ I whisper.
He nods, his expression serious.
‘It’s staggering, Christian. Thank you,’ I murmur, letting my eyes feast on it once more.
Anastasia Steele is a fucking moron and I hate her.
(Also, two shots.)
March 15 at 12:22pm
Christian sails up and down the Sound coveting the houses that look out on it, and this one is newly on the market, so he wants to…
Buy it, demolish it, and build a new one.
I hate Christian Grey and everyone like him.
March 15 at 12:24pm
Ana’s excited because the house already has everything she could wish for in a home.
Immediately after Christian told her he wants to demolish it, which seems counter-productive.
March 15 at 12:27pm
She wants to know if he can just upgrade the current house, which duh, and Christian doesn’t know, because why buy a house someone else wanted when you can just knock it over and make the one you want?
(Also, the way Christian has been spending money in the last month, I’m skeptical of how he ever got rich, and I definitely don’t believe he’s going to stay that way.)
March 15 at 12:28pm
Ana also hates horses. Or as she put it, “some four-legged fiend of Satan.”
Because she hates everything.
March 15 at 12:29pm
Also, she had anxiety attacks over clothes, but a giant house a month after they met is cool.
March 15 at 12:30pm
Of course Christian is going to keep his apartment in the city. Where else can he bring his victims without being interrupted by Ana (who would probably leave him because she thought he was cheating, because Ana’s an idiot).
March 15 at 1:25pm
‘Anastasia, you’re going to have to learn to be rich, too, if you say yes,’ he says softly.
‘Wealth isn’t something I’ve ever aspired to, Christian.’ I frown.”\
That…is just so stupid. It’s all well and good if she’s not into money and she didn’t ever plan on trying to get rich, but she is thinking about marrying a stupidly rich man, so there’s going to be a learning curve there.
Unless she plans on just ignoring it and doing nothing for the rest of her life, which wouldn’t surprise me, because Ana’s stupid.
March 15 at 1:27pm
And Christian owns clubs, too. Because of course he does.
March 15 at 1:27pm
And it’s called The Mile High Club.
I really can’t with all this.
March 15 at 1:28pm
He ordered for her.
“I hope you don’t mind.”
Whatever, asshole.
March 15 at 1:30pm
He told her she can tear up the NDA because he trusts her.
I’m sure I should be moved or something, but I’m still angry it ever existed.
March 15 at 1:32pm
Also, they’re talking about living together and buying a house and stuff…and Kate’s still out of town.
I know her parents bought the apartment for her and all, and she probably doesn’t need a roommate, but that’s going to be a shock for her.
March 15 at 1:33pm
The Mile High Club is on the 76th floor.
I’m stunned it’s not on the 69th.
March 15 at 1:34pm
And he’s just threatened to put Ana across his knee in the middle of a restaurant. Again.
It’s not cute or funny or flirty or hot or sexy. He’s threatening to beat her because she’s not eating enough to suit him, and when he’s previously made the threat, he’s also made it clear that it wasn’t sexual to him.
He just wants to hit her. Still.
March 15 at 1:37pm
Christian is fingerbanging Ana on a crowded elevator.
Supposedly, everyone else is unaware of what’s going on, but I bet it’s really the most awkward elevator ride ever.
March 15 at 1:43pm
She calls it a sweet persecution, which…no.
March 15 at 1:44pm
Ana wants to know why they can’t just have sex right there on the lobby floor.
I hate this book.
March 15 at 1:47pm
She says she’s never had sex in a car and it instantly turns into this weird, possessive argument.
Good sex is nice and all, and there’s no big deal falling into a passionate, sex-based relationship, but don’t marry someone you can’t stop arguing with unless you’re currently having sex.
Have all the sex, then move on when the bad fully overbalances the good. There’s nothing wrong with that.
March 15 at 1:50pm
Ana wants to have sex in the car. Christian proves once again that everything in this relationship is about him:
“We will fuck in the car at a time and place of my choosing. Right now, I want to take you on every available surface of my apartment.”
Not wanting sex in the car right now is fine. The way he put it? Just controlling and gross.
March 15 at 2:12pm
It doesn’t matter how many times Ana asks for time and space. She’s not getting any from Christian Grey.
March 15 at 2:13pm
She’s dreaming about having children with Christian, and that is seriously such an unspeakably terrible idea.
March 15 at 2:27pm
Ana discovers Christian’s box of photos from the playroom. She is shocked, hurt, and still just so stupid.
March 15 at 2:37pm
The housekeeper has a key to the playroom. I bet she’s expected to clean up in there.
I hope she’s paid enough to buy her own island when she retires.
March 15 at 2:38pm
Ana did not look through the pictures, and I’d say that’s fortunate for Christian since it means she didn’t find all the postmortem pictures he took, but she probably would just be angry because he might still have feelings for his victims or something.
March 15 at 2:40pm
She’s wondering if the picture she saw was of Leila.
What she should be wondering is if Kate should get some Luminol to check and make sure Leila wasn’t dismembered in the bathtub.
March 15 at 2:42pm
You can totally buy Luminol on Amazon, because the world is kind of magical now.
March 15 at 2:42pm
Christian isn’t instantly answering his emails, so Ana called him because she’s worried.
Because it’s not like he’s got a job or anything.
(Which might be a fair assumption, considering, but still.)
March 15 at 2:45pm
Jose, at one showing, sold all but three of his photographs, and that made him enough money to pay off his loans with some to spare.
Everyone in this book is living a fantasy.
March 15 at 2:47pm
Kate is back. She’s still the best.
I still wish she were the main character.
March 15 at 2:48pm
Kate’s brother and Christian’s brother both have names that start with E. And they’re both associated with Kate since she’s related to one and dating the other.
It makes keeping track of which is which kind of difficult. I know stuff like that happens in real life, but this is fiction, and it was a bad choice.
March 15 at 2:50pm
Christian and his helicopter have gone missing.
Is it terrible that I think it would be best for everyone if they stayed that way?
March 15 at 2:51pm
Missing Christian means that we get all of Ana’s pain. And Ana feels the most painful pain that was ever pain. No one could possibly understand her pain over losing this man she’s known a little more than a month. Definitely not his family or anything.
March 15 at 7:49pm
Christian’s explanation for how he went missing and why he couldn’t contact anyone along the way is stupid.
I’m not going to take the time to look up all the reasons why, but EL James or someone else along the way to publication should have.
March 15 at 8:42pm
…So, Christian’s assistant called his dad to let him know Christian was still alive.
But Ana was agonizing about how he was maybe gone forever until he walked in the door.
So, did Christian’s dad know he was fine and not tell everyone else or what?
March 15 at 8:44pm
And Ana accepted his proposal, because of course she did.
If I were reading these books as they were released or if I didn’t know that was coming, I’d have had to throw something.
March 15 at 8:53pm
Retribution? Oh shit! I know he’s playing–but I take a cautious step back from him anyway.
DO NOT MARRY THAT MAN. DO NOT MARRY SOMEONE WHO THINKS REENACTING THE TIME HE BEAT YOU AND YOU LEFT HIM IS FUNNY OR CUTE.
March 15 at 9:06pm
I know it’s a fantasy and all, but I refuse to believe that someone who has been through a helicopter crash, unexpected hike, and hitchhiking in order to arrive home after midnight will have the energy to do anything beside crash.
Possibly eat then crash.
Or if they’re really desperate to clean up and into multitasking, eat in the shower before passing out.
But not shower sex. I don’t care who they are.
March 15 at 9:12pm
Also, it doesn’t seem like an appropriate time to push your touch-phobic partner’s personal issues.
Sometimes it’s ok to just call it a night and go to bed.
March 15 at 9:14pm
I cling like a limpet to his neck.
Now that’s some sexy imagery.
March 15 at 9:17pm
Take a shot whenever something’s cathartic.
March 15 at 9:18pm
And take a shot whenever Christian reads Ana’s mind.
March 15 at 9:21pm
Ana and Christian are talking about her relationship with Jose.
And I’m suddenly aware that I sound like Christian when he’s talking about Mrs. Robinson. The thought is unsettling.
Ok, let’s leave out the part where she was an adult who made a 15-year-old her sex slave (though we shouldn’t). You know what the difference is between Ana’s relationship with Jose and Christian’s relationship with Mrs. Robinson?
Only one of those was ever a sexual relationship.
March 15 at 9:27pm
Two chapters left. I just want it to be over.
March 15 at 9:33pm
But then there’s another entire book.
Fuck.
March 15 at 9:33pm
I realize now, I’m no longer intimidated by him.
Now that’s just not true.
March 15 at 9:42pm
‘I think you’re trying to kill me,’ I mutter.
‘Death by orgasm.’ He smirks. ‘There are worse ways to go,’ he says but then frowns ever so slightly as an unpleasant thought crosses his mind.
He is totally thinking about his previous victims.
(Also, are you supposed to take a shot when someone smirks? You are now. That makes two for this passage.)
March 15 at 9:52pm
‘You can kill me like this anytime,’ I whisper.
Oh, Ana. Don’t give him permission.
I mean, not that it would have stopped him if you hadn’t or anything.
(Also, another shot.)
March 15 at 9:53pm
It makes me feel so old, at least thirty.
I never really forget that Ana’s really young for all this, and every now and then something comes up that makes it all the more obvious.
It’s part of what makes these books so upsetting.
March 15 at 9:58pm
And I like my bracketed signature, too.
Those are parentheses, not brackets.
Idiot.
March 15 at 9:59pm
(Also, for real, this idiot is now an acting editor as a publishing house and that is so mind-numbingly insulting. There has to be someone with more skills and experience who got passed over for this shit who is rightfully steamed.)
March 15 at 10:01pm
Ana’s dad is totally worried about Christian asking her to marry him so soon.
Because Ana’s dad is not an idiot.
(Yet. I reserve the right to retract that.)
March 15 at 10:03pm
He makes me jump, and his voice commands me to look at him. When did I think he didn’t intimidate me?
Told you.
March 15 at 10:10pm
Why does he have naughty photos of women? For his own personal porn collection? Of course not. This is Christian Grey.
‘This is going to sound cold, but–they’re an insurance policy,’ he whispers, steeling himself for my response.
‘Insurance policy?’
‘Against exposure.’
One of his side business is a revenge porn website, isn’t it?
If not, I’ll wager actual money this guy isn’t against submitting pictures to one.
(Take two shots. One for the drinking game and one just because this horrible conversation requires one.)
March 15 at 10:13pm
The penny drops and rattles uncomfortably around and around in my empty head.
You said it, not me.
March 15 at 10:13pm
Christian getting excited about Ana baking him a cake for his birthday and requesting a chocolate cake would be adorable if he weren’t a fucking monster.
March 15 at 10:15pm
Ana started baking that cake without all the ingredients to finish it because she’s an idiot.
(It was frosting ingredients, so she’s not abandoning a partially finished cake, but still.)
March 15 at 10:19pm
She runs out of the apartment wearing a dress Christian bought for her, and she scared about what’s going to happen to her when she gets home because he’ll be mad.
If you are having feelings like that, your relationship is not healthy.
March 15 at 10:20pm
The chapter breaks in these books make no damned sense, either.
March 15 at 10:23pm
Before we can set foot in the living room, Kate comes barreling down the hallway toward the two of us. She looks furious.
She poured that Luminol in the tub?
March 15 at 10:24pm
Kate has a copy of one of Ana’s emails about the contract and she’s upset. She’s trying really hard to be a good friend, maybe in the wrong way, but…
To be fair, how can you be a good friend when someone you care about has been sucked into an abusive, controlling relationship? That’s tricky as hell to navigate.
March 15 at 10:32pm
Once he confirms Kate hasn’t told anyone, he goes and sets the paper on fire right in front of her.
I will bet you anything he would destroy Kate’s career and life to protect himself.
And Ana would let him.
March 15 at 10:33pm
Kate’s trying so hard to be a good friend. Christian is pissed and scary and generally proving she has good reason to be worried.
March 15 at 10:35pm
And to think our evening could have been derailed by the tenacious Miss Kavanagh.
Yeah, what a bitch, trying to protect her friend.
March 15 at 10:36pm
Christian has announced their engagement, and of course a bunch of the women are upset. Because all women who ever meet Christian Grey are immediately in love with him, no exceptions.
March 15 at 10:39pm
Christian’s therapist is at his birthday party, which has to cross some ethical line, and Ana’s trying to decide if she has any personal questions to ask him about Christian, because she has no damned sense.
March 15 at 10:42pm
There is finally a lesbian in Seattle. Well, two. They are not impressed with Christian, at least.
March 15 at 10:44pm
Mrs. Robinson has gone all Bond villain on Ana. She seriously called her a ‘worthy adversary.’
I’m pretty sure my ‘this is fucking ridiculous’ barometer is officially broken.
March 15 at 10:47pm
“How dare you judge our lifestyle?”
Look, lady. You were in your late 30s at least when you made a 15-year-old boy your sex slave. That is not a BDSM lifestyle, and I guarantee the people who are actually in it would judge the hell out of you, too.
At least.
March 15 at 10:49pm
Ana seriously threw a drink in her face.
This is officially a soap opera.
March 15 at 10:49pm
And Christian’s mom just found out about his molester, and she took her son’s side, which is exactly how it should happen.
(Not taking Christian’s side in general, because fuck that guy, but taking the victim’s side, I mean.)
March 15 at 10:53pm
“They were all–how did Flynn put it?–in safe, sane, consensual relationships.”
Christian likes beating women who look like his crack whore mother. At the very least, sane is out the window right there.
March 15 at 10:55pm
Her subconscious, in regards to staying with Christian, just told her she’s made her bed.
Ana’s subconscious is often worse than useless, and in this case, she’s so wrong: You’re allowed to break off an engagement.
You’re also allowed to get a divorce.
March 15 at 10:57pm
Suddenly we’ve got a scene in third person from some dude’s POV.
The first book was all first person from Ana’s POV. This one opened with someone else’s nightmare and now it’s closing with someone else again.
That is terrible technique.
March 15 at 11:05pm
Jack the editor is going to have his melodramatic revenge.
My eyes just rolled so hard it hurt.
March 15 at 11:06pm
Well, that was a fucking terrible book on every level–spelling, grammar, pacing, plot, technique. It was lacking some of the charms of the first one, too.
I do understand the fantasy aspects at play here. Even without Christian, Ana’s got a dream life laid out for her. But the basic message here, about love fixing an abusive man, that is a fucking terrible, irresponsible message to put out there into the world.
There’s one more book. God help me.
March 15 at 11:09pm
Tyburn Blossom’s (Updated) Fifty Shades of Grey Drinking Game
Do not attempt this with actual alcohol.
Or even water.
Really, don’t do this if you value your life.
Take a shot whenever…
…the word ‘murmur’ is used.
…the word ‘mutter’ is used.
…the words ‘control freak’ are used.
…Christian’s mouth is mentioned.
…Christian’s hands, fingers, or long-fingered hands are mentioned.
…the word ‘holy’ is used.
…the word ‘whoa’ is used.
…the words ‘oh my’ are used.
…Christian brings up food.
…Ana bites her lip.
……two when Christian bitches about it.
…someone gasps.
…the word ‘delicious’ is used.
…the word ‘yummy’ is used.
…there’s an unnecessary description of how a drink tastes.
……two if it quenches her thirst.
…Christian’s pants are hanging off his hips.
……two if they’re hanging ‘that way.’
…Ana talks about how Christian smells.
…something is described as [x many] shades/types of [color/thing].
……two if it’s fifty shades of [anything].
…Ana compares herself to/calls herself Icarus
…something is ‘crisp.’
…someone has ‘just-fucked hair.’
…someone says something ‘darkly.’
…two adjectives are used to describe music.
……two if the music is described with more than two adjectives in one sentence.
…Christian sticks two fingers in her and moves them in a circular motion.
…someone’s eyes darken/are dark.
…something is ‘cathartic.’
…Christian reads Ana’s mind.
…someone smirks.
…Ana’s scalp prickles.
