Let’s talk about bodily autonomy, caregiving (specific to this book, it’s mothering, but it’s not always), and – if you’re a caregiver of a small child especially, why you laughed out loud at the beginning of this sentence. It’s because MOST small children have zero concept of personal space or bodily autonomy, have no problem being attached to their favorite humans 24/7, and would be deeply offended by the idea that their favorite humans might feel differently. Enter Mama Needs A Minute by Nicole Sloan.
I may have spent the last 20 months in near isolation away from all of my favorite littles, but this doesn’t mean that I have forgotten what they are like, particularly with their favorite adults: Barnacles. Coconut Crabs. Lipstick stains on colors in the laundry commercials that ran all day long when I was a kid: Stubborn, sticky, unremovable. And while that is nice on occasion (like, say if you spent 20 months away from them), on an everyday basis? It can make you long for a way to separate from your own body, just to get five minutes to your own damn self.
My sister has two of those aforementioned favorite littles (5 and 3), and she’s been at home with them, mostly alone, for those same twenty months, and, as she called me one night from a dark bathroom, whispering so that her children wouldn’t hear her and know where she was (her husband was home; they just wanted HER), I thought there had to be a book she could use to explain the concept of personal space to the tiny monsters & went hunting.
In Mama Needs A Minute, through simple illustrations and prose, Nicole Sloan helps break the concept of boundaries down into something small kids can wrap their brains around. Because – just like literally every single other thing they know – it’s up to us to explain to them what boundaries are, why they exist, how to communicate them with others, and how to enforce them. By giving concrete examples of times & reasons why the mama might need a break -“Sometimes it means Mama just needs to get dressed.” one page professes, while others show illustrations of the mother drinking coffee or taking a shower, Sloan shows kids why they shouldn’t take it personally if their mama needs a break. She goes on to explain that time apart is good for both the mother and the kids – “I see it in your eyes. You need it too. Some time to explore the world – just you.” And by alw
ays making it clear that while she may need a break now and then, the mother is always going to love and care and support and be there for the children, the book can allay kids’ fears about what private time for a parent might mean. “Thank you for letting me catch my breath. Know that my love for you never rests.” The book makes it clear that it’s balance mamas are searching for, not separation from the kids.
We’re often told (especially as mothers) that needing space from our littles is selfish. And, yeah: it is. But not selfish in a negative way – Selfish in a self-care way. Selfish in a ‘prevention of caregiver burnout’ way. Selfish in a ‘wow my mental health could really use a little selfish right now’ way. And all of those things are pretty important, when you think about it, so let’s teach our kids, by modelling what needs to happen. Read the book with your younger kids; Explain about boundaries and space and how sometimes you just need to breathe on your own before you can breathe with them. Ask for the minutes, Mamas.
And that’s me, using my Reader’s Choice Square (to replace the Book Club square) to get Bingo! on the very last available day, like a totally prepared human. CBR Bingo13.
