by Kathleen Sky, author of “Vulcan!”
“Colonel Schaeffer…slid down the side of her craft and removed her helmet. She turned to face the three officers, and Kirk felt a wave of panic strike him. It was as though her very appearance was a physical blow. Elizabeth Schaeffer was easily the most beautiful woman James Kirk had ever seen in his life. She stood as tall as he was, her body slender and delicately made. Her complexion was the delicate pink of angelskin coral, and even the heavy piloting helmet had not managed to crush the candycotton swirls of her silver-white hair. There was a shimmer to her, a glow like the inside of a pearl. The tilt of her eyes, the faint point to her ears, and the configuration of her skull and facial bones indicated that she was quite definitely of mixed blood…Her eyes were a deep turquoise…The long-sleeved black tunic fitted her slender body to perfection, and the ankle-length black trousers revealed a figure as slender as that of a wood nymph. She appeared to be a creature of mythology, a being deserving of gossamer dragonfly wings. She barely appeared to touch the ground with her black boots; she flowed more than walked…”
The Enterprise shuttles a delegation of 13 (gasp!) ambassadors to a meeting to decide on a détente with the Romulans. While en route, the Angel of Death starts murdering ambassadors. He’s apparently interested in politics. He’s tired. He needs a break. An officer from the SSD (Special Security Division) is called in to deal with the problem. The ambassadors are a supposedly comical zoo of aliens shaped like terrestrial creatures, including a vampire, an armadillo, a blue alligator, and Quetzalcoatl. They are ridiculous and obvious.
Random Thoughts written down as I read:
Kirk and Spock and an unfortunate landing party are ‘in a state of coma’.
There’s Nurse Chapel! She loves Spock, but he’s in a coma. Poor Nurse Chapel.
Scotty asks McCoy to come to Kirk’s cabin so they talk in McCoy’s office. Scotty has a brogue that gets worse under stress. Or goes away. Whatever.
Uhura sits at her post and cries for 10 days.
McCoy’s ‘as helpless as a five-year-old with Down’s Syndrome.’
Spock doesn’t dream. Dreaming is illogical.
Sarek shakes Kirk’s hand and grips Spock’s elbow.
Kirk is shut down by a female amphibious ambassador because their genitalia are incompatible and she thinks the human sex act is ‘excessively sweaty and a great deal of labor for very small results.’
The idea of a Romulan détente makes Enterprise crewmen physically fight with one another.
Elizabeth Schaeffer speaks in a verbal shorthand that really isn’t shorthand at all.
Elizabeth speaks Vulcan. She has some Vulcan blood in her.
Lizzie could beat Kirk up in a fight. She’s trained to die.
Liz can read autopsy reports. She’s seen more death than you will ever know in your lifetime. McCoy wants to wolf whistle at her.
Liz has a childish husband who calls up periodically to whine, wheedle, and threaten her. He’s intimidated because she outranks him. Their marriage contract is almost up. His love for her may destroy him. The author may be working out some marital issues…
Liz isn’t vain like other women. Sometimes it’s hard to be as beautiful as she is.
Liz owns a super duper fast phaser. She gets blackout/hangover drunk in the middle of the investigation.
Liz and Kirk are falling in love. He calls her Bess and proposes to her.
Liz accuses Kirk of being the Angel of Death and he throws Spock under a bus.
Liz discovers Spock has astrally projected and raped an ensign while she was sleeping and he kept her asleep and altered her memory afterwards, but he shouldn’t feel guilty because it was his human side coming out…
Nope, nope, nope. Done. I am so fucking done. I am so fucking sick and fucking tired of this fucking Mary Sue author and her fucking childish sexual fucking fantasies and her fucking marital issues and her clumsy fucking writing and you’ll have to excuse me now while I fucking headdesk so hard and so often I fucking fall into a fucking coma. Fuck.
WTF: Quote: No quote. Burn this book if you encounter it. Reading it is guaranteed to kill brain cells in huge numbers.