My dad and I love good-bad movies — especially when shit blows up. We went and saw I, Frankenstein in theaters. We routinely rewatch Deep Impact — we particularly enjoy when Tea Leoni gets wiped out by the wave. The cheesier, the better. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter the movie was pretty much made for us. Unfortunately, its source material was just bad.
It’s an interesting concept — the author claims to have been given journals written by Abraham Lincoln. These detail not only his life prior to and during his presidency, but also his side job — killing vampires. The author weaves real life events and people into this narrative – for instance, Lincoln’s mother was killed by vampires in the story, setting him on his quest. I’m not super familiar with Lincoln’s backstory, but it seemed like Grahame-Smith kept the timeline pretty close — just adding in the undead whenever he could.
Unfortunately, what’s fun in a two hour movie just drags in a book that you read over several days. I noticed the same thing when I read 50 Shades of Grey years ago — I was hoping for goofy cheese, but it was just…not good. Here, I found the narration boring, the intentional misspellings in the uneducated Lincoln’s journals grated, and the author would occasionally switch perspectives without explaining how Lincoln suddenly knew what other people were thinking/doing off screen. It just wasn’t worth the time it took to read.
That’s time I could be spending re-watching The 5th Element for the 100th time, after all.